A Sparrow's Fall
by Scriptor of Lacuna
Summary: After Kate has been shot, she struggles with her recovery, her feelings for Castle & finding her shooter. Rick, in turn, struggles expressing his love for Kate while trying to keep her safe from those who still wish her harm. Post S3. Angst/Rom/humor
1. The Barter Dance

**Title:** A Sparrow's Fall

**Characters: **Kate Beckett & Richard Castle. Lanie, Martha, Alexis, Ryan & Esposito will make an appearance.

**Rating:** **T**

**Spoilers:** Anything up to and including S3 finale "Knockout." And a small morsel of S4 theory.

**Disclaimer:** _Well in an Alt. Universe I might, but since we are not there right now I will begrudgingly admit that I don't own, profit from, or claim any rights to the TV show Castle or it's characters. All rights belong to ABC and to the bloody brilliant Andrew Marlowe. In the Alt. U...I also have unicorns. They're adorable. :)_

**Summary:** After the shooting, Kate Beckett and Richard Castle try to navigate their unrequited feelings while trying to keep each other out of harms way. Post S3. AU S4.

**A/N:** A huge 'THANK YOU' to all of you who read and/or reviewed "The Gravity of Always," my first foray into Castle fic writing. Your reviews were a pleasure to read. For those reviewers I could not PM a response to just know that I read your reviews and you have my gratitude.

If this fic captivates you even a miniscule in comparison to how _**Castle**_ has captivated me, and us all, then that would be wonderful. Welcome to my imagination. There is tea to the left :)

* * *

><p>Chapter I: The Barter Dance<p>

* * *

><p>As Muted Chaos slow danced with Father Time, Rick felt his partner fall into another world.<p>

His invitation was lost. A universal oversight; he was sure of it.

His eyes drifted over her unconscious form as he tried to cradle her in his arms. He saw an unwanted, languid stream of red silk mingling with sprigs of cropped emerald green, stitched ivory and flesh. His flesh. Her flesh.

Rick's body froze. He did not know these steps; he didn't want to learn this dance. Wind the clock back. Start the music again.

Then, he was being pulled away. A feeling akin to how she must have felt in the plane hangar, only days before, when Rick had pulled her away from her mentor. He had ripped her from someone she had held dear. Now someone was doing the same to him. Every part of him screamed in protest.

Female hands were patting his chest, squeezing his hands. They fluttered around him. Delicate, just like Kate was, but they weren't broken.

"It's going to be ok," was volleyed around. From whom, he couldn't pinpoint.

It didn't matter.

Those words were meaningless.

What was going to be OK? Nothing was.

He roughly shoved their hands away, marking them with silk and receiving pleas in return. Rick knelt beside Kate again. Taking off her glove and feeling her soft skin. It was getting colder. He wanted to tether her to him. Make her stay.

Lanie's body swooped in. Her hands shook and were wet from wiping her face, but now were wet from adding pressure to the wound. Rick knew she wasn't accustomed to warm victims. No, she wasn't that. She wasn't a victim. She was Kate.

Esposito was now beside Beckett. Lanie's strong tone made him do exactly as she commanded. Esposito stumbled a bit, stepped on toes, but he wasn't useless, he let Lanie lead.

One step. Two step. Three step. The ABC dance of medicine. All in tandem.

It was a an interpretive dance that Rick didn't understand. He should have. He knew the lingo, the medical jargon from his research. This was different. It was like he was watching a program in a foreign language. You knew the gestures and the facial expressions, but comprehension was minimum.

Lips were moving. Feet were moving. People were moving. But she wasn't.

He wanted it to stop.

He wanted to buy Father Time a drink and get him to turn back a few minutes. That's all that was needed. He would get to her then. His flesh would be pierced. All would be well.

As the sirens drew near, he knew the 'Golden Hour' was upon them. The EMS team took to the ground running.

"Over here!" Ryan yelled, waving his hands to the paramedics, before looking down at Esposito.

"Did you get the son of a bitch?" Esposito asked.

"Javi, you need to apply more pressure!" Lanie commanded, snapping Esposito back.

Ryan didn't answer the question, but shifted to the man standing next to a nearby gravestone.

Rick's name was being repeated. It sounded wrong to him.

'Dad'. 'Richard'. He wanted his name to fall from her lips not theirs. He wanted to hear her yell, scream or coo 'Castle', 'Rick', 'Writer Monkey'. Anything. Just as long as it was her voice.

It had to be her.

"Wake up. Please wake up, Kate."

His Kate.

He dared to call her that now.

Those words that he had spoken to her in fervency needed to be heard. Those three words that no wordsmith could ever manage to recreate or string together an equivalent; those words that people had sung to one another as they danced through life, were now fluttering, looking for their partner, their mate.

He urged them not to land on deaf ears. Kate must have hard him. A faint smile? She had smiled. Or did she? Those moments of recognition were hazy. He remembered tears. Hers. His. And blood.

Rick urged the universe to hear those words then. The words that he should have said months ago. From the moment he first met her. Deep down he knew then. He must have. The universe had to hear their sweet song. So it would be known, beyond repose, that she was wanted, needed and loved.

Here. By him.

Their dance had only just begun.

Strips of sound started to pierce his ears. Slicing through the chaos, sharpening it's effect. A mosh pit of sound ensued. Everyone was dancing now, just to an off beat tune.

"Down Time?"

"5-10 minutes"

The ripping of her uniform.

"Single GSW to the chest."

Stranger's hands were touching Kate's blood-tinged, porcelain skin.

"She's unresponsive."

Gasps from the uniformed crowd.

His daughter's muffled cries.

The sound of feet crunching against the grass.

And chirping.

His ears latched onto the last as he looked over the trees. White-throated birds with yellow lores flew off into the sky.

"Sir, I need to you step back."

He gripped Kate's hand even more.

"RICHARD!" Martha's tone pleaded him back to reality as she pulled him to his feet. "You have to let them do their job. Let them save her."

Castle felt his mouth move, "I wasn't fast enough."

"Oh, Dad," Alexis broke off into a sob and clung onto his arm, taking the glove from him and placing it between her fingers, next to Kate's hat that Alexis managed to grab off the ground.

"Richard, listen to me," Martha reached up and he could feel her hand wiping tears from his cheeks, "She needs you to be strong."

"She needs not to be shot!" Rick said. More like yelled. Stupid, yes. But his proficiency with words required higher functions than he had at the moment.

Eyes met his briefly. His tone had caught everyone's attention and made sure those handling her know that she was precious.

He scanned the scene before him before he settled on eyes that were a part of her. Jim Beckett. He was standing by a grave stone near by with Ryan. Horrified to petrification. Castle knew that look. Whenever a loved one is close enough for Death to kiss, you barter. You offer jewels, wealth, and promises.

Your life is worthless now and your loved one's becomes priceless.

Then Death faces you. Even-faced. It looks at what you have to offer, then shrugs the decision off to the stratosphere for judgement. Whichever deity or thing or energy is out there, you stare it down. Beg to it on bended knee. Lay things out. Step by step. Teach them your dance. Razzle-dazzle 'em. No logical argument needed, just a trade.

One life for another. Heel-toe. Heel-toe. Tap-Tap-Tap.

Rick looked away from the man bartering to the woman in trade. There was no need for that, was there? She was Detective Kate Beckett. She stared down the barrel of gun; chased down hardened criminals; put up with Richard Castle on a daily basis. She was a fighter.

Kate was surrounded by paramedics now. They knew the steps. They were well rehearsed. They weren't going to fail like Rick did.

A failure that led to detective Kate Beckett, their Kate, his Kate being carted off. A rag-tag image of blood, flesh, and fabric. Fragile. Broken. Unable to fly away like the gang of birds sailing betwixt the chaos and trees.

He watched as the paramedics put her in the box for broken things. He went to follow, but his legs locked when he saw the EMS team scramble.

"No Pulse."

Hands moved. Instruments were played. Beats hit her chest.

"No..." Castle lurched towards the ambulance. His feet, though, were rooted in fear. But he needed to go. Needed to hold her hand and let her know she was not alone. He was too late. And so was Jim. Both too frozen, so Lanie clamored in.

The doors closed. The dance had moved on. They rolled away under the song of sirens.

Esposito and Ryan were left to usher a shocked Jim towards the parking lot among the shocked expressions of the remaining bystanders and cops from the 12th.

Alexis and Martha ushered Rick in the same direction. His feet worked then. Things kicked into gear.

Get to the car.

Get to the hospital.

Get to Kate.

Simple.

Alexis and Martha tried to keep up with his pace as Rick stared after the flashing lights.

All he knew had just oozed away. All he wanted had just wilted before his eyes.

Then the voice came. That small voice from the back of your mind that pecks away at any thread of hope you might have. It says things like: "She might not make it," and, "No pulse, no life," and "You couldn't save her."

Rick was in a moment of pure human helplessness coddled by fear, taunted by death, strangled by hope and marred by knowledge that he was too late.

He felt his throat constrict, his car keys hit the pavement. He slammed his bloodied hand against the back window of his black S.U.V.

His mother's hand fluttered once again on his back. He couldn't meet her gaze.

"Mom...I can't..." his voice was childlike.

"Darling, you haven't lost her. Alexis, put him in the back. I'll drive."

They drove away, leaving Muted Chaos and Farther Time bowing to the crowd. Rick looked out the window, through his blood stained imprint, and knew there was only one thing left to do.

Barter.

...

* * *

><p>There is a high chance that there's a plethora of post 'Knockout' fics already out there, but I hope you find room for one more. This is just the start and next we will be moving to the hospital.<p>

I hope you find the time out of your busy day to leave a review. If there are any mistakes, by all means let me know. I will, of course, respond in kind. As always though, you have my gratitude for just simply reading my work.

I plan on regular updates, so the next chapter should be up within the week. I would recommend a story alert just to be safe.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	2. Moves on the Board

Chapter 2: Moves on the Board

* * *

><p>"Looks like you've had some excitement while I was on break." The short nurse with a bobbing pony tail stated, before sitting on the edge of the desk.<p>

The other nurse looked up from the computer screen, "GSW just rolled through here from the ER. A Cop."

They shared a look, "Chances?"

"About fifty-fifty. Bullet might have nicked the heart."

The nurse with the pony tail pinched her lips together and nodded. The gesture of "damn."

"Yeah, she's being prepped for surgery now, so..." The nurse scanned the desk, "Where's my coffee, Sam?" It was a quick turn of topic. In that profession, it had to be.

"I'm not your gopher, Karen."

"Oh, so you'll get patients bird seed to feed those pesky sparrows in the Quad, but you won't get me coffee. Nice."

"Maybe I would if you would compliment me on my scrubs before you issue orders." Sam ran her hands over her new scrubs.

Karen shot her eyes heavenward. "You know my stance of cutsie scrubs with sayings on them."

"But they're kittens!" She placed her fingers next to a orange printed kitten and then onto some writing, "I hope you have a Purrrfect day." As she moved her head, her pony tail swayed.

"You belong in the Mat-Ward."

"Awww, I love new baby smell!"

"Strike that, Psych-ward." Karen shook her head, but then she narrowed eyes at the Nurse across from her. Karen knew why she didn't have any coffee. "Actually, you should be a scrub nurse."

Sam straightened her back, "I don't know what you mean."

"Since you weren't getting me coffee, where were you on your break?" Karen leaned back in her chair, enjoying the blush on Sam's cheeks.

Sam looked upward, "No where near the OR rooms."

"Sam, Sam, Sam. Checking out a certain surgeon's assets again."

Sam clasped her hands together, "But his assets are so fine. Those eyes. That hair. That tushie," her hands made a cupping gesture, "You've seen him. When he walks in here wearing his leather jacket..." she did a full body shiver, "He can gravy my biscuits any day."

"Isn't he taken? Dating some Detective?" Karen had heard rumor of another sort but wasn't sure if it was true.

Sam scrunched up her face in thought, "I heard that-"

A commotion at the doors drew both their attention. Karen recognized the uniforms the two men were wearing. Her gaze then shifted to the two red-headed women and the older man with them, all wearing the same harrowed expressions. Karen was about to stand when her eyes landed on the tallest of the group. Karen's eyes went wide.

"Here they come," Sam shook her head, "When one of their own falls it's always hard."

"Isn't that the famous writer with them? Richard Castle?" Karen asked.

"Who?"

"You should spend more time reading instead of buying those ridiculous scrubs," Karen said, then a light clicked on in her mind. She started to search the computer and mumbled, "What was her name...Beckman...Bassett...Beckett..."

"Whoa...Detective Beckett?" Sam's eyes went wide as she squeezed next to Karen to look at the computer screen, "She's the Detective," she pointed her finger to the roof, indicating the surgical floor. "Should we-" She didn't have time to finish when what must have been Beckett's family descended upon the desk.

"We're looking for a Kate Beckett, Detective Kate Beckett," the whole group said all at once.

"She was shot and she was brought here with Dr. Lanie Parish and the ER desk told us she was here and..." Rick started.

"Are you family?" Karen asked, still trying to digest the fact that Richard Castle was standing before her. She had once asked him to sign her breast. He had really soft hands.

"Yes!" they all stated.

Karen gave all of them a skeptical look, then she watched the writer put his arm around the older man, bringing him forward.

"I-I'm her father. Jim Beckett. Please, where is my daughter? Did she...Is she..." The older man was pale and his hand shook when he placed it on the desk.

Nurse Karen cleared her throat, "She's being prepped for surgery right now, sir." There was a collective sigh from the group. Karen mentally kicked herself. She should have started with that.

"Should I go and inform Dr. Davidson?" Sam whispered.

"Wait! Dr. Motor-Josh...Josh works here? Get him! He's one of the best in his field. If it's her heart, she'll need him," Castle pleaded.

Sam twisted the front of her scrubs before addressing Karen, "But, wouldn't it still be considered a conflict of interest? I mean-"

"-Then get him to get the best Cardiac surgeon he knows," Rick demanded.

Karen looked at Sam, "Go. Inform one of his scrub nurses." Sam scurried off. Karen then turned to Rick, "Look, Mr. Castle-"

Rick cut her off, "No, you look. We are her family. Hell, even Josh is her family. She gets the best. Money is not a problem. There are no problems here. Whatever she needs she gets. Do you understand me?" The older woman with red hair placed her hand on Rick's arm, causing the man to take a cleansing breath.

Karen actually gulped. She'd seen that look before. Sadly, almost everyday. Love can spur on the most basic of instincts. Karen had surmised from all the gossip magazines she had read, and even book signings she had been to, that he was always bubbly and charming. Karen hated what trauma did to people.

"Detective Beckett will receive the best care. Dr. Wallace is the best. I assure you. I know all of you are worried, but I need you to go into the waiting room. As soon as we know anything, we will come and inform you."

The group reluctantly moved towards the waiting room.

Standard placation. She knew it was annoying and unhelpful, but it was better than giving them false hope.

Karen watched the famous writer collapse in a chair. She had no idea what to make of the rumors that had been floating around the hospital.

* * *

><p>Each stride had purpose, or at least he thought they did.<p>

If he was moving, then something was happening and he didn't have to look into the faces around him all that much. He could barely meet anyone's gaze. Especially Jim's.

It had been an hour since they had arrived and his senses seemed to focus on everything from the over sized clock that clearly had a very loud 'tick-tick-ticking' problem, to the vending machine man bending down and exposing his artwork.

As he paced he cursed whomever decided to create waiting rooms. It was a open concept for human limbo. The designers tried to make it comforting. Muted colors, artwork, usually of nature or a human standing against the odds. Large windows that showed the outside world which was meant to allow the light of day in to a dreary emotional scene. From the chairs to the vending machines, everything was staged for their game.

The players were all there, of course. Death nodded towards Hope as they played chess in the corner. Another constant in hospital waiting rooms. It was a rousing game. Rick wanted to beg them to let him play. But at this moment he was Hope's pawn. Being shoved this way and that, ready to be sacrificed at any moment.

He wanted to challenge them if not to a game of chess, then poker. He could win at that. Bluff to the high heavens, go all-in and win the hand and more importantly Kate.

But they wouldn't let him play. Jerks.

Rick paced towards the nurses station. The one nurse, with the ugliest scrubs he had seen was there chatting with the other nurse. The latter seemed pleasant enough and always indulged him when he asked about Kate. The other one though had that annoying bobbing pony tale to match her annoying scrubs. Hair should not bob at times like these.

Rick looked down the long hallway where Lanie had walked down to see them. That was a while ago and Lanie told them that it was too early to tell. She was hopeful, but Lanie always was, however, she didn't go into details. Rick was actually thankful.

Specifics led to statistics and Kate wasn't going to be a percentage.

Castle caught Martha's gaze briefly. She was sitting next to Jim. She had her hands over his hands. The life Jim had led was etched on his face. Enough sorrow and heartache to last a life time. Rick dared not look him in the eyes. He had failed to keep his daughter safe, to stop his daughter from pursuing this killer. He had tried, but not hard enough and now Kate was fighting for her life and Jim was barely hanging in there.

Rick turned his gaze to Ryan and Esposito. The latter was trying to get the vending machine to take his dollar bill for a while now. It just kept sliding in and out, over and over again. Esposito's frustration was mounting. Anger bubbled over. His fist slammed into the machine, jarring everyone.

"Is one stupid chocolate bar too much to ask for?"

Ryan moved from his seat and went over to his partner. He reached into his pocket and gave Esposito another dollar bill to try. It didn't work either.

"It's defective! This whole thing is wrong." Esposito threw his hands in the air and walked away, "And where the hell is Lanie? She said she would come and give us updates."

"She'll come when there is something to tell us," Ryan stated before addressing the vendor who was just about to leave, "Do you think you could fix this, please?"

The vendor looked up, "I'll come back later with the proper tools. Until then, find another one."

"Later? Do you know where you are? Sometimes there isn't a later," Esposito spat. Ryan put a strong hand on his partner's shoulder before he followed the vendor out of the room.

Rick paced a few more rounds before Ryan came back in, jingling a set of keys. He jammed a key in the vending machine and opened the door. Ryan picked up a chocolate bar and threw it at Esposito.

Ryan just shrugged at the look Esposito gave him, "What are they going to do? Call the cops?" Ryan looked over to Castle and Alexis.

"Do you want anything?"

Rick shook his head, but looked down at his daughter who was clutching Kate's hat and one of Kate's gloves. Rick hadn't realized that she had it these items entire time.

"Alexis?" Rick whispered.

Alexis looked up and gave him a weak smile. She looked lost.

Rick knew why. This is the closest to death that Alexis had been privy to. Someone she cared deeply about was shot right in front of her. Too make matters worse her father was falling apart at the seems.

Death did that to a person. It chipped away at your foundation, cracking it. Exposing weakness. Then you try to rebuild. Either too strong a wall, or too weak of one. Either way you've been marked and you battle to reclaim a daily smile.

He couldn't imagine how Jim and Kate lived with this pressing on them day after day. It fed her fire, he supposed, or gave her a reason to put one foot in front of the other.

Rick looked down at his daughter again. He slowed his feet and soon found himself next to her. She moved so she was flushed next to his side.

"She looked so stoic in her uniform," Alexis said, "Like a superhero. I didn't want her to loose her hat or glove since the rest of her uniform...I just grabbed it."

Rick leaned down and kissed his daughter on her head. Rick remembered how Kate had looked at the podium. She was stoic. Statuesque. A piece of Grecian marble, constructed to perfection, seemed almost strong enough to wether centuries. But that wasn't the case.

God, he wanted to rewrite this. A story of a fallen mentor, comrade, sinner, father figure, who was taken from this world too soon, and by the hand of the people responsible for taking her mother as well. And now it had her hanging by fate's thread.

Rick hated that story.

The universe seemed to be making Death her companion and Happiness forbidden unless explicitly chosen. He wanted so badly to give her a story where her lips would curve upwards hourly. Where her laugh bounded off things. Where she was cherished. Where she was safe, happy. Gloriously and irreversibly happy.

Alexis looked up, tears brimming, "She didn't deserve this, Dad." She buried her face into his side as Rick wrapped his arm around his daughter.

Rick was kissing his daughter's head when Nurse Ugly-scrubs, as Rick had dubbed her, walked in with the vendor.

"I know this is a hard time for all of you, but you just can't...steal candy." Nurse Ugly-scrubs stated. The vendor held out his hands for his keys.

"We're going to pay for it, alright." Esposito said.

The nurse made a 'tsking' sound, "You're lucky we didn't call security."

Esposito and Ryan looked down at their uniforms, then shared a look of 'how dense is she,' before reaching for their wallets.

Rick got up then, reached into his pocket for his wallet. When he was near the vendor, Rick slammed his credit card against the vendor's chest.

"Consider it bought."

Nurse Ugly-scrubs visibly blanched as did the vendor.

"Consider all the machines that are in this room as mine." Rick grabbed the keys back and gave it to Ryan.

"You just can't-" The vendor stated.

"-I just did."

Rick returned to Alexis, who wasn't at all shocked by his actions.

Nurse Ugly-scrubs swung around on her heals, pony tail swinging, ushering the vendor out. Rick watched her return to the desk where the other nurse was. She was retelling what happened, but the other nurse wasn't listening. She gave him a raised eyebrow and an odd smile. It could have been admiration, Rick wasn't sure nor did he care.

Esposito and Ryan gave Castle a nod, before handing out the food to the other people in the waiting room.

The room went quiet then. Except for the crinkling of wrappers, the ticking of the clock, and chess pieces being moved.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes merged into twenty and then thirty. Rick noticed that Jim had moved towards the tall windows, near the waiting room. He was looking out, watching the sun falling slowly in the sky.<p>

Rick moved Alexis over to sit with Martha and took a deep breath before making his way over to the man he had been avoiding. They watched people outside enjoying the spring day. Enjoying life. Bitterness couldn't help but set in. The ticking of the clock became prominent again, until Jim's quiet voice rang through.

"I remember when Katie got her tonsils out. Johanna paced and paced the hospital waiting room. She even made a nurse cry. My wife was usually so collected and calm, but this was the first time our little girl had to have surgery of any kind."

A few more birds flickered past the window. A few more leaves waved to the gentle breeze.

"Katie had a bad reaction to the anesthetic and it took her a lot longer to come out of it. Jo...she took time off work just to be with our daughter. Jo wanted to watch her every second after the surgery. She bought every kind of ice cream imaginable and my two girls would watch hours upon hours of...God, what was that called..."

"Temptation Lane," Rick whispered.

Jim looked at Rick and nodded. "That's right. Those two were nuts for that show. My two girls. You know, some father's wish for a son, but I always wanted a daughter. I wouldn't trade my Katie for a million sons."

Rick gave a shake exhale and nodded. He felt the same way about Alexis.

"Now, one of them is gone and Katie...my sweet Katie...is..." Jim took a shaky breath before continuing, "Johanna would be just like you, you know? She would be hounding the nurses, pacing...doing everything she possible could. That was Johanna, always going the extra distance even when you're up against the impossible."

Jim looked out through the window and seemed to watch the reflections of clouds in the far windows. Then he closed his eyes and tilted his head down.

"Katie is like her mother in many ways. Smart, funny, stubborn and when she stares you down, well, there's nothing quite like it. Unfortunately, she seems to have inherited my flaw."

Rick regarded the man next to him. He was building to something and Rick felt his stomach seize.

"I'm sure you know how I failed my daughter when Johanna died and well, she seems to be internalizing everything but...instead of a bottle she is hell bent on finding her mother's murderer. I can't blame her, but at the same time, standing here waiting for news, I just can't believe it has come to this."

Rick straightened his shoulders, preparing for the weight of what was to come.

"I need something from you Rick. Something I have no right to ask."

"Name it."

"If she..."

"When," Rick corrected.

"When she gets through this, it stops. You need to make it stop."

Rick had already failed him once, failed her, and he wasn't about to do it again, "I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe."

"She'll hate you for it."

"She can hate me all she likes, as long as she is doing it for another 100 years. I won't fail this time."

Jim patted Rick's back, "You didn't fail, son. You just didn't have enough reinforcements," he gestured to the room behind them, in the direction of Esposito and Ryan. Rick knew Jim was right. He would need their help. They were Kate's brothers in every way that mattered. Rick wasn't alone and Kate wasn't going to be either.

They were silent for a long while peering out through the windows. Jim had bowed his head and it wasn't until Rick strained to hear did he decode what the older man was saying underneath his breath.

"Not now Jo. You don't get to see her yet."

Castle couldn't take this anymore. His heart thundered in his chest, threatening to leap out in search of it's mate. Ignoring the stinging in his eyes, he had to find out what was happening, even if that meant he would barge into the surgery room. He'd seen Dr. shows before. He could say a few 'seriouslys' and hand someone a scalpel. He'd blend right in.

He made his way over, for what seemed like the umpteenth time, to the nurses station. He stopped short when he saw two detectives enter. He didn't expect them to show up so soon.

Esposito and Ryan came to stand next to him.

"I can't believe Nurse Ugly-scrubs called the cops," Ryan half-heartedly joked, knowing that they all were about to lie through their teeth.

* * *

><p>"Detective Ryan, Detective Esposito, Mr. Castle, I'm Detective Anderson, and this is my partner Detective Carson. We have a few questions about the shooting," The younger detective, who was not from the 12th, stated.<p>

"Can't this wait?" Ryan asked.

"Beckett's in surgery fighting for her life, and you should be out there looking for the son-of-a-bitch who shot her. Not questioning us." Esposito was no longer thinking about procedure. None of them were. Procedure was not going to keep Kate safe. Rick knew that more than anyone.

"We were unable to apprehend him. There were a few witnesses, and they are with a sketch artist now."

Esposito, Ryan, and Rick shared a look.

"So this can wait. Since you clearly have something else to occupy your time with," Rick stated.

Carson nodded, "Well, you know the drill. We have to question you," then he looked to the room, "all of you."

Esposito and Ryan left the room with Anderson. Carson questioned everyone else. After everyone had been questioned, the older detective came for Castle.

"Can you think of anyone who would want to cause Detective Beckett any harm?" Carson asked.

"She's a cop. I'm sure she made enemies," Castle stated quietly, feeling the weight of the day press even more.

"Yes, but was there anything she was doing lately, or maybe a recent case..."

"Not that I can think of."

Carson nodded his head, trying to get a feel for the situation, "Mr. Castle, you spend every minute with her, don't you?"

Castle looked at him. Stared at his plump middle, his slightly unkept nose hair that peaked out, and his bulbous nose. Is this what it was like? In a moment of tragedy to have some cop come up and start berating you for answers. No. Beckett wasn't like this. She saw the human behind the victim; she understood what it was like to lose someone.

No. Beckett was different. Unique. This man before him was none of those things.

"What are you implying?" Rick asked, truly annoyed.

"You're not a cop and yet she calls you her partner. People talk."

"Let them talk. Are we done here? 'Cause that floor isn't going to pace itself."

"Look, a couple of days ago Captain Roy Montgomery was gunned down in a plane hanger. Both you and her were there and..."

"You and she," Rick stated.

"What?"

"Make your pronouns agree with their antecedents or we are done talking."

Carson sighed, "Are you telling me that she, er...her...that Detective Beckett getting gunned down at Captain Montgomery's funeral is in no way connected to the plane hanger incident?"

"What can I say? This city clearly needs better gun control."

"I know this is a trying time, but any information you can give us will-"

"-Will what? Stop her from being shot?"

"No, stop from her getting shot again."

Rick ran his hands through his hair. They all made a promise to Beckett that Montgomery would live on as a hero. Rick had just made another promise to Jim. And, frankly, Beckett was safer if the investigation just stopped. Rick had no idea who to trust anymore, other than the family he had arrived with and the woman he loved upstairs.

"I don't know who did this." It wasn't a lie. He didn't know a name, just the murderous entity that seemed to follow Kate everywhere.

"Well, we are going to put a protective detail on her anyway. The Detectives over there are making a point to hand pick the guys. So, she will be safe."

Castle just nodded, hoping this pointless questioning would end.

Carson reached into his pocket, "If you think of anything let us know." Carson gave Rick his card.

"Top of my priority list," Rick said.

He turned and returned to his family, not noticing that Hope was three moves away from saying 'checkmate'.

* * *

><p>"Well, I'm off. Got stuff to do-"<p>

"-and bird seed to buy." Karen finished Sam's sentence.

"The elderly and terminal patients enjoy it, okay?"

Karen gave Sam a hard time, but people who stayed here or worked here found little things to latch onto. It was only natural.

"So, I heard the cops were hear earlier, questioning them about Detective Beckett." Sam gestured to the people in the waiting room.

"Yeah, pretty standard stuff when someone is shot."

"I should have told them about the vending machines."

Karen just shook her head in mild disgust, "He paid for them, what more do you want?"

Sam acquiesced with a nod, before adding, "Detective Beckett's popular today. A lot of people asking about her."

"People?" Karen asked.

"Yeah, you know this hospital, word travels fast. I was buying coffee and this guy, or I should say gentleman bought me a coffee and he just asked what all the hub-bub was about and why there were so many cops here."

"You didn't say anything, did you?" Sam had a supreme propensity for 'loose lips'. Karen knew that Sam had been responsible for a few 'sunken ships' over the years.

"I may wear crazy-adorable scrubs, but I'm not a bird-brain," Sam said rather quietly as her eyes shifting quickly in the opposite direction.

Karen snorted, "Good to know."

"Besides, I just can't wait around for Dr Davidson to..." Sam trailed off and her eyes went wide. Karen leaned over the desk and looked down the hall in the direction Sam was looking.

Karen watched Dr. Davidson talk with a short woman in scrubs. His hands were gesturing in explanation. He looked weary and tired. Karen recognized the short woman as Dr. Parish. She came in the ambulance with Detective Beckett. Karen had given the woman scrubs, since her clothes were stained with her friend's blood.

"I heard that he watched the entire time. Poor thing. Dr. Wallace wouldn't let him in the OR. So Dr. Davidson stayed with Dr. Parish in the gallery."

"I can't tell if it is good or bad news," Karen stated. They both quickly sat back when Dr. Parish made her way over to the waiting room.

The two detectives quickly put down their girly magazines they were pretending to read and then Kate Beckett's 'family' stood.

Dr. Parish's back was to the nurses so they couldn't see her face or hear what she was saying. Suddenly, the nurses heard a sob escape from Dr. Parish. One of the detectives rushed forward and wrapped his arms around the doctor as she collapsed into him.

The other detective collapsed in his chair as did Beckett's father. The two red heads rushed to Richard Castle who had covered his face with his hands.

* * *

><p>Aaaaand chapter 2 is done :) Yes, the impediment known as Josh is there, however I'm leaving plenty of bread crumbs, so don't forget to follow them :D As for the nurses, well, they have a purpose as well.<p>

All of you were truly generous and kind to leave such wonderful reviews for the first chapter. Thank you for that, and for those of you who just read my work or favoured or put my story on alert, thank you as well.

As always, feel free to leave me a few words. Let me know what you liked or didn't like. It would be appreciated. Otherwise, have a great morning, afternoon, of evening, depending of where you are.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	3. Truth in Whispers

Chapter 3: Truth in Whispers

* * *

><p>Lanie let out a sob of relief, before she collapsed into Esposito's arms. Jim and Ryan collapsed in the chairs in shock, which soon turned to elation.<p>

Rick covered his face with his hands and then rubbed them through his hair. He couldn't stop the words leaving his mouth as he grabbed Alexis with one arm for a hug and pointed his other hand at Lanie.

"Stable! Best. Word. Ever!"

They all shared a soft chuckle as Richard brought his mother in for a hug as well.

Esposito lead Lanie to one of the chairs. The stress of the day had caught up with her and she could barely stand.

Lanie wiped the emotional evidence from her cheeks, "Sorry, it's just, leave it to Kate to scare the living shit out of us," Esposito started to rub her lower back and soon she collected herself to continue, "She's not out of the woods yet. It was touch and go there for a while, that's why I...didn't come down as often. I was afraid to leave the gallery."

"Can we see her?" Jim asked as Ryan kept slapping the man's back in happiness.

"She still hasn't regained consciousness. She lost quite a bit of blood and she..."

"And what?" Esposito prompted.

Lanie just shook her head, "She'll have a few scars."

"Stories," Castle corrected, "She'll have stories that she can tell for years and years."

"Dr. Wallace or Josh will come and talk to you soon."

"Did Josh perform the surgery?" Castle asked.

"He wanted to, but he was still badly shaken up."

Castle nodded, knowing how Josh must have felt, "Was he at least there with her during surgery?"

Lanie shook her head, "Dr. Wallace forbid him from entering his OR."

Castle was about to say something, but shut his mouth. This Dr. Wallace saved Kate's life and that was a debt that couldn't be paid back by material things.

"Josh stayed with me in the gallery. He was the one who kept me calm."

Esposito gestured Ryan to give Lanie some coffee. She took a sip and made a face as she swallowed, "Oh, God, that is awful."

"We almost sent Rick out to buy a coffee machine." Esposito joked.

"But he wanted to spend his time burning a hole in the floor," Ryan quipped quietly.

Lanie gave them a soft smile before looking over at Castle. Rick noticed the look in her eyes then. He couldn't quite place it. There was relief, but behind that was a friend encased vault. She was holding something back, nothing harmful, just knowledge of some potential.

He tilted his head at her, but Lanie just pinched her lips together and leaned more into Esposito.

* * *

><p>"Trying to steal my patients?" Karen joked as Sam quickly put the chart back.<p>

"Oh, no, just picked up the wrong chart," Sam said.

Karen's hand stopped short before she looked at Sam, "Wait, you're not even on shift."

"Well...yeah, but all the commotion with the Detective makes it hard to leave. Did you notice which room she is in? The best private room in this hospital. She has the best of everything."

"Mr. Castle has made his presence known." Karen stated with a smile.

"It's sweet, but I heard Dr. Wallace is not impressed."

"Dr. Wallace hates when the world doesn't revolve around him."

"And Mr. Castle doesn't? You know there are other patients who need it as well. You know the coffee guy I told you about?"

"Vaguely."

"He bought me another coffee today. He started talking about how he's visiting his grandfather who is in a coma. Cramped in that small across the Quad from the detective's room. He could use it just as much."

"The guy is ninety seven and in a coma and...wait, Mr. Shmitz? His wife only comes to visit once a week."

"It must have taken a while to track their grandson down. Remember the one in Europe? Anyway, Mr. Castle is certainly going to a lot of trouble for someone who isn't even with him. A little desperate if you ask me." Sam smoothed her new scrubs which had penguins on them and said 'Ice to meet you'.

"No one asked you."

"He hasn't seen his muse yet, has he? What does that tell you?"

"It tells me that maybe Mr. Castle, for all his celebrity and money, is also trying to be respectful and considerate given the circumstances." Karen gestured to the hallway to where Dr. Davidson and Dr. Wallace were talking just a few doors down from the Detective's room.

Sam looked down the hall and blushed. "Right, I'm going to go. Coffee right? I'll bring you some tomorrow. Bye." Sam scurried off towards the elevators.

"Bird-Brain," Karen muttered before picking up the chart Sam was holding. Karen smiled at her patient's name.

After seeing the reaction of the waiting room, she needed to see for herself that the Detective was all right. She had seen many families come in and out of the hospital, but the one in the waiting room was definitely the most memorable of late. If she could ease their minds any further, she wanted to.

Karen picked up the Detective's chart and made her way past a group of nurses and some doctors gabbing about the famous Richard Castle and his muse. Karen had to admit that amidst all the tragedy that had happened, she couldn't help but have that romantic side of hers-the one that makes her pick up a Romance Novel almost every week-bubble to the surface.

Karen, knew that Dr. Davidson was kind, great with his patients and easy on the eyes; however, the intensity that Richard Castle had shown, the love he had shown for a woman who supposedly wasn't even his, was very moving and telling. The nurses station was positively a flutter over the gossip, the hole hospital was.

Kare moved into the room noticing the familiar beeping of monitors. Her eyes landed on the pale, unconscious woman before her. Even in the halo of recovery Karen couldn't deny the woman's beauty.

She looked at the monitors. It could be worse. But it also could be better.

"You better wake up soon. You have a whole waiting room of people who love you. And if you don't wake up one of them, you might know him...good looking, a writer, well Mr. Castle is bound to buy the whole hospital at some point."

There was no response, not that Karen expected one.

She heard the door open and moved to the side of the bed making way for Dr. Davidson.

"How's she doing, Karen?"

The nurse handed him the chart, "There's a bit of improvement."

Josh nodded to her as she busied herself checking the monitors again. Out of the corner of her eyes she noticed he looked down with a pained expression at the unconscious woman. He extended his hand out and was just about to give Kate's hand a squeeze when a faint sound hit the room.

A little moan. A mixture of pain on the verge of awareness. All eyes shot to the Detective's face as her lips started to quiver a bit and fall apart.

"Kate?"

Another moan.

Karen waited in breathless anticipation.

"Come on Kate, open your eyes. It's Josh."

Josh leaned in, placing his hand on her upper arm. Karen repeated the gesture on the other side and leaned in, as much as she could without being too obvious.

The Detective's lips trembled and the barest of whispers escaped.

Karen's eyes when wide at what she heard. She bit her lip and leaned back out. Out the corner of her eye she saw Josh stare at the Detective's face a moment longer, waiting for something else to be said, but Kate seemed to fall back into a state of unconsciousness.

Josh closed his eyes, gave a little sigh and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

He looked at Karen then, "I'm going to get Dr. Wallace and then we are going to talk to her..." he paused and a streak of something dashed across his eyes. Pain? Yes. Hurt? Yep. Regret? No, more like acceptance.

"Talk to her family," Josh finally finished.

Karen nodded and watched him leave the room. Karen finished up the chart and gave the woman in the bed one final look.

"I guess the rumors are true."

Karen moved passed the patient and made her way out the door. Dr. Davidson and Dr. Wallace were walking just ahead of her.

"Look Josh, I know you love her, which makes your request even more odd. But I don't care who he is, Richard Castle just can muscle his money around my hospital."

"I know that, but..."

"But nothing. We lost her once on the table for almost two minutes and she barely made it through the rest of the surgery. She's lucky to be alive. I'm not allowing visitors until the morning."

Josh ran his fingers through his hair, "I never met the man, but her father...Lanie, Dr. Parish insisted that at least he needs to see her. You're a father, Andrew, he has to see her."

"Fine. But no one else. No matter how many dollar bills they wave around. We don't want this thing to turn into free press for him." Dr. Wallace left, leaving Josh to stop briefly.

Karen moved beside him and nudged him with her elbow, "He saved her life, but that doesn't make him any less of an ass. You should be there. They need a friendly face."

Josh nodded and followed after Dr. Wallace.

* * *

><p>"Kate Beckett's Family?"<p>

Sets of blue, brown and green eyes turned towards the entrance where Dr. Wallace and Josh were standing.

Josh ushered Dr. Wallace towards the older looking man.

"Your daughter is in intensive care. She's stable for now. She was conscious briefly-"

"She's awake?" Castle asked as he rushed forward, bringing his daughter with him.

"No...not yet." Josh stated.

"She still has a long way to go," Dr. Wallace continued, "The bullet caused a tear in her pulmonary artery. We were able to repair the damage; however the surrounding muscle and tissue suffered damage from bullet fragments. Her blood loss was severe. We'll know more in a few hours."

"Can I..." Jim stopped and looked at Castle quickly, "Can we see her?"

Dr. Wallace shared a look with Josh before answering, "I think it's best we keep visitation to a bare minimum. I'm a father myself, so peace of mind is priceless right now. If you'd like, I will take you too her, but..." Dr. Wallace looked at Castle directly before regarding Jim again, "But only you."

Dr. Wallace ushered Jim through the doors. Josh didn't follow, but shifted awkwardly before looking at the entire room.

"All of you should think about going home. Unfortunately, visiting hours are over until 8 am and I know all of you want to see her. I promise I will look after her."

When he noticed that no one was moving, he just started to bob his head, "At least consider shifts and definitely some food."

Josh was about to leave, but looked at Castle and tilted his head off to the side of the room.

Castle removed himself from his daughter's embrace and followed. He didn't know what was coming. All Castle did know is he felt like hugging the doctor for even just being there watching the surgery.

Josh turned and Rick extended his hand. Josh looked confused for a moment before he gave into the request.

"It doesn't seem like enough, but thank you."

"I didn't perform the surgery."

"You were there and that is enough for me."

Josh sighed and looked about the waiting room. Rick regarded the man before him. Good looking. Doctor. Owns a bike. Saves lives. Probably saves puppies on the weekends. Yep, straight up, bonafide 'catch'. There was just one thing that Castle tucked away at the back of his mind. The jury was still out if he held Kate's heart. Until Kate told him differently, Castle would do the honorable thing, even it it broke his heart a fraction each time. It didn't really matter though. Kate's heart was repairing, so Castle's could break just enough in trade.

"Rick, Kate...she..."

"Go." Rick moved out of his way, "She'd want you there."

"I-" Castle wouldn't let him finish.

"I know Kate. Even though she hates anyone making any sort of fuss over her, she would want her...loved ones nearby."

A look of mild revelation played across Josh's eyes. Castle had no idea what exactly connected in Josh's mind, but annoyance was setting in that Josh didn't want to be by Kate's side. There were moments when it was taking every ounce of Castle's energy not to run down the corridor and barge into Kate's room and handcuff himself to her bed. Then there were others when he felt that he may not have a right to see her.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and mumbled, "Still keeping him at arms length."

Castle knew that Josh was clinging onto something. There was enough hope galavanting about in celebration, so it could have been that. Josh just shook his head and gave Rick a pat on his arm.

"I know Kate too, Rick. And she would want-"

A beeping sound rang from Josh's pocket. His face grew concerned as he looked at the screen.

"Is it Kate?" Rick asked as he grabbed Josh by the arm.

"No...another patient. I'm sorry, but I have to go."

With that, he made his way past the nurses station and out of the ward. Castle caught one of the nurses looking at Castle. It was as if she wanted to tell Rick something, but instead just busied herself with her files.

Alexis crashed into her father again, giving him the biggest hug ever and drawing him back to the room. He wrapped his arms around his daughter. Hope had won this chess game. Death would have to wait for the next barterer to fail.

* * *

><p>It was well into the night and Castle insisted that Martha take Alexis and Jim home to the loft. When Jim returned he looked like a gentle breeze would send him flying into Jersey. He had stayed with his daughter until visiting hours were over. Castle couldn't blame him. Jim needed that peace of mind that his one child in his world was alive. Castle would have done the same if it were Alexis.<p>

Rick grilled the poor man on every detail he could, though. Did she wake? Did she smile? Was she frowning? Did she look peaceful? Jim did say much, except that Dr. Wallace said she was doing a bit better even though she wasn't awake yet.

Castle promised Jim that he wouldn't leave hospital until he got to see her and would phone is anything happened, but Jim had to go home and get some food and some sleep. Beckett would kill him if Rick didn't take care of her father. Jim reluctantly agreed, as did the rest of them.

Esposito and Ryan got a call from Detective's Carson and Anderson. They couldn't go into details in front of everyone, but they told Castle they would fill him in once they knew more. Esposito practically carried an exhausted Lanie out, with Ryan following. All of them promised that they would be back in a few hours with food and a change of clothes for Rick.

There was now a protective detail on Kate. Esposito and Ryan chose who it would be, people that they still trusted. They were on all the exits of the recovery ward. They weren't to be seen, least of all by Kate when she wakes up.

Now, it was Castle and his good friend the ticking clock who was taking its sweet time getting to 8 am and Nurse Mishap.

He hadn't been able to sneak pass to see Kate thanks to the nursing change. His nemesis, Dr. Wallace's lackey, was now sitting behind the desk and would not let him pass. Castle imagined this creature was the result of a drunken mishap between Oscar the Grouch and Mrs. Krabappel.

Castle rubbed his hand over his face feeling the days growth. His eyes felt heavy, but every time he closed them the bullet sound pierced his ears. Screams followed. Then the image of her dark uniform and blood fell into contrast with her pristine gloves and green grass.

He knew that was a consequence of her of work. Kate even told him once, when they had almost frozen to death, that she always thought that being a cop meant she would probably die by a bullet. Tucked away at the back of his mind, he never thought it would happen to her for some reason.

He had been foolish.

No.

He was a fool.

Rick looked over and her uni-brow covered the stink-eye she was giving him. He tried to charm her. Full blown Castle charm. Nothing. Apparently, Nurse-Mishap was not a fan of his work or the fact that all the nearest vending machines were now devoid of her favorite chocolaty treat.

She insisted that Dr. Wallace put a not visitors request. So Castle had to wait until visiting hours or she would have him escorted out of here. He didn't know if that was true or not, maybe he didn't want to test it since the look Dr. Wallace had given him meant that he more than overstepped his welcome. Testing boundaries is what got them into this mess in the first place.

So Castle waited. Allowed the ticking of the clock to taunt him. Allowed people like Nurse Mishap dictate visiting hours. In a way he felt that the waiting was a well deserved punishment. Wasn't it he who pried into her mother's case, opening the door allowing all Kate's skeletons out? Kate had been right. He had pried not for her, it had been for him. If he could help solve her mother's case, give her closure, then...what? She would be so grateful that she would what? Want to be with him? See him as a hero?

He leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. Flashes of the previous day, jagged and jumbled, lurched forth. He had been careless with her life and when he had asked her to walk away; it was like asking her to walk away from the only life she knew. The life she had created, brick by brick, to safe guard her in a reality where she was willing to die for justice, or more like revenge.

Fool.

Maybe they both were.

He didn't know anymore.

He pinched his eyes closed and tried to change the image. Something else of her. Something that would briefly lull the guilt.

Anything.

Her smile.

He latched onto it. When was the last time he'd seen it? He couldn't remember. It didn't matter, he had memorized it long ago when it did see the light of day. He needed to give it context though, so Rick pictured her face. Rounded and angled to perfection. He pictured her not at the desk in the precinct, but in her apartment, across from him on the couch.

She smiled then. That broad expanse that lit up her face. And her eyes, God those eyes. Green as life itself. A never ending sea. Dark green when devious and determined; smoldering hazel when she planted her feet in stubbornness or when she stared you down or... after you kiss her.

Rick sighed at the knowledge of the last one. His lips had touched hers once in guise, but the emotion was real. Exquisite, captivating and hearty. If it only happened once in his life he would make the memory everlasting.

But there was more to it than that.

Now his true depths of emotions were no longer hardened to mere captivation. He loved her. Rick had fallen for her from the core of the earth all the way to the twilight above.

The proof was in a million little things. The nuances that made her Kate. His Kate.

The way she would sometimes drink her coffee with two hands. The way her eyebrows told him a story. The way here eyes twinkled. He was certain that her left eye had an extra twinkle because it was closer to his chair at the precinct.

The way she brought her plump bottom lip between her pearly teeth. The way she held back a giggle or a laugh by covering her mouth with her hand. It drove him crazy. The way she holds expressions of joy in, but when she did let that smile show, or let a laugh escape, it knocked him off his feet. Grounded him. Make him surrender his heart every time.

Castle relaxed a bit then and rested his head against the wall.

Josh was a lucky man. If this were any other situation he would let jealously take over, but none of those petty feelings mattered. Kate was alive. He would see her pull her bottom lip between her teeth, see her eyes light up again when he brings her coffee, and hear words roll off her tongue for another day. Days and days. Even if he had to watch all of this, knowing she was going home to another man, he would do it. Just as long as she lived and was happy.

It's what kept him in waiting. Knowledge that the fear of loosing her had kept him from being with her in the ambulance, that she was with another man; knowledge of the foolish games he had played with her life. Now it was about atonement. He didn't have any real right to see her.

"Mr. Castle?"

Rick opened his eyes and found the young nurse about Kate's age, who he had met earlier in the day, staring at him. Her brown eyes grew wide as he jumped up immediately, making her stumble back a bit.

"Is it Kate? Is she..."

The nurse smiled and put her short black hair behind her ears, "No...no...I just came on shift and did my rounds, and she's fine, better actually."

"Good," Rick sighed in relief.

The nurse reached into her pocket and handed him his credit card.

"Thought you'd might want it to buy a few more vending machines, or maybe the hospital."

Rick took it from her and smiled, "I don't think Dr. Wallace would like that, but thank you anyway...uh..." He had no idea what her name was. He had forgotten to give her a name when he dubbed Nurse Ugly Scrubs and Nurse Mishap.

"Karen."

"Thank you, Karen. I might just buy a few more machines to tie me over or make sure she doesn't get her chocolate." He gestured to the nurse at the desk.

She gave him a small smile, "Couldn't sneak past her, huh?"

"Lovely woman. Spry for her age. Completely charming the way her eye...brow furrows at me constantly."

The nurse covered her laugh up with the clearing of her throat. Then her expression grew solemn, "So you haven't seen her at all?"

Castle just shook his head, "Visiting hours are at 8am. Her father got to see her."

"I'm sorry you've had to wait this long." A look of annoyance crossed her face. Castle could tell she was battling something.

"Dr. Wallace said that she shouldn't have any more visitors. He did save her life and, well...I guess, I'm not really her family. Am I?"

Karen snorted, looked away, and then muttered under her breath, "Like hell you aren't," Then she looked at Castle again and sighed, "And Dr. Davidson hasn't been back yet to get you?"

"No, but I don't know why he would. He's was called away and then he is probably with her now, I wouldn't want to interrupt them," he did actually, and had plotted many ways to do so, but this was about Kate. "So...as long as someone's with her it doesn't have to be me."

The nurse bit her lip as her brow furrowed. She studied Rick up and down, before nodding, "Just wait here."

"Where else would I wait?"

She gave him a smile before she made her way to the nurses station. Rick watched as Karen exchanged a few words with Nurse Mishap. Eventually after a heated argument the latter latter put on her coat, gave Castle another look, and then left the floor.

Karen made a few calls before another nurse came to take the seat behind the desk. Karen gestured for him to follow.

He sprinted past the nurses desk and received a 'thumbs up' by the new nurse, followed by a wink.

* * *

><p>It seemed like the longest walk in his life. There were wide and tall windows that followed him on his left. The sun was just rising over the horizon, so the early morning light filtered in, pushing the nightly shadows back to their corners and to the back of his mind.<p>

As he looked out the windows, he wished Kate could see this morning. There was a green area almost in the middle of the hospital. There was a couple of trees and a path way that led out to the park across the way. He would make sure that she did. He would wheel her out or, knowing how stubborn she is, walk with her, just to watch the sunrise together.

Each step he took was followed by the sweet song of birds from outside. It was faint due to the double paned glass; but he heard it none the less. A little bit of nature in the city, and more importantly within the hospital. The sweet song of hope as he tried to squash the disbelief that he was a few steps away from her.

Somewhere in the back of his mind doubt still remained that she was OK. That she was alive. He needed to feel the warmth of her hand, to watch her chest rise and fall, to watch her sleep. If he was lucky she would wake up and call him creepy for staring at her. Boy, was he going to stare.

"She's right through here," Karen said.

Castle hovered, stalled and then just stood. He felt a rush of emotion travel up his throat and brim behind his eyes. He couldn't fall apart now, if she was awake he needed to be strong, for her.

He felt Karen put her hand on his arm, giving it a gentle pat.

"She'll have wires and tubes attached to her. She's still pale and she does look fragile enough to break because of the bandages, but she won't."

"Are you sure...I don't want to hurt her..."

Karen snorted, "Don't insult me by thinking I would allow someone in a patient's room who would cause them harm."

Rick looked into her eyes and found a sort of whimsical, romantic look. The kind he would find in Alexis' eyes when he used to read Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast to her.

"Mr. Castle, she would want you in there."

Rick bowed his head, "In case you haven't heard, Josh is with her."

"I've heard and seen a lot of things, Mr. Castle."

Rick sighed, "I'm just her...partner."

"Really? 'Cause I don't think a patient's first word after an arduous surgery would be designated to a person who is 'just a partner."

Rick's gaze shot back to hers. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He almost didn't believe it.

Karen smiled warmly, "Give her a reason to come back." She opened the door for him and walked away.

* * *

><p>Castle crossed the brink into a stark reality.<p>

As he rounded the entry way into her room the sounds of beeps, man-made devices and even the faint dripping of the I.V. filled his ears. His eyes were filled with bleary image of her lying in the bed before him wavered. She didn't belong here, but then again no one did.

He walked to the foot of the bed, blinking rabidly. She looked present. Not peaceful. Kate looked like she's just stepped back into her body. Her human shell. She was stitched and patched up so she wouldn't leave again. He was looking a woman, a force of nature being fragmented down to her most fragile state.

It was jarring. Unnerving. Made his heart twist and contort until every ounce of emotion was undefinable by words. A reminder of what 'always' truly meant.

He moved to the side of the bed and pulled up a chair. He reached over and delicately picked up her hand like it was a hurt bird. Scared to break it if he squeezed too hard. So he cradled it instead; he traced her slender fingers down his palm, using his thumb to rub against her soft skin.

Warm. She was warm, like the sun trying to filter in.

Rick looked up at her face, taking in the angles of her cheeks and her long lashes. Kate was pale and had dark shadows under her eyes, but she still was his Kate.

With his one hand held hers, his other one trembled as he leaned up out of the chair and hovered it over her cheek. Rick wanted to cup her face and place a kiss on her lips. She would open her eyes and that would be that.

Except all the happily-s and ever afters belonged else where. He couldn't slay the dragon; he couldn't save her. All he could do was try to keep her out of harms way.

His hand still hovered. He didn't really have a right to touch her, to kiss her like he wanted to. So he settled for the second best. He sallied the back of his knuckles briefly down her pale cheek, moving a few strands of hair away from her face, leaning down towards her ear.

"I'm here now, waiting for you. And I'm not walking away."

He took a few breaths and noticed it was still there. It was faint, but the fruity smell wafted down into his lungs. It transported ported him to the image of them, years and years later, holding hands on a park bench, watching the sparrows fly from tree to tree and just looking at the sunrise together.

"Wake up for me, Kate." He couldn't stop himself and placed a soft, lingering kiss on her cheek.

He leaned back out and regarded her face. Nothing.

Rick sat back down in his chair and brought her hand to his cheek, not realizing he was speckling it with tears. They had minds of their own and seemed to want to know the touch of her skin just as much as his hand, cheek and lips did.

He whispered her name against her palm. Apologies tumbled forth as his lips found their way to her knuckles. The pressure of his lips against her soft, delicate skin was paradise. A weight eased just enough of his shoulders and allowed the knowledge that she had fought hard to stay here settle in.

The sun started to filter in through the cracks of the curtains more readily. Small streams of light made their way to her face, kissing it where his lips had once been.

Castle placed his elbow on the bed and leaned into his palm. His other hand was still attached to hers and his fingers found their way to her wrist just to feel that steady beat. He just couldn't let go. He was forced to let go all day, by people and guilt, but now he wasn't. Now he didn't care if Josh came in and saw him, or if anyone did.

His blue eyes regarded her face for a long while. Wishes were wished. Promises were cemented. Hope was thanked and held near. The universe was asked to allow three words to fall upon her.

Soon, he yielded to her even breaths, the beeping sounds of the machines, and the faint chirping from beyond the glass. A make shift lullaby all his own.

He drifted off to slumber, incognizant to the faint fluttering against his hand and the brief whisper of his name.

* * *

><p>How about a whole chapter dedicated to Kate? Yes? Oh yeah, from here on out we got some angsty fluffiness waiting for you. As for the medical jargon. I studied biology in Uni, but even so, it's bound to be inaccurate in places. For that I apologize and by all means correct me where necessary.<p>

Thank you so much for your responses to the last chapter. I want to give a shoutout to **phnxgrl.** My conversation with her made me add a few more lines of dialogue to elevate the realism. So thank you.

I was kind of shocked by how many people put my story on 'alert', since my review count is sincere, but smidgen. I'm glad all of you seem to be enjoying it, unless most of you are just coming back to punish yourselves with my horrendous writing ;)

For those wonderful people, whom either read, reviewed, favoured or alerted are truly generous and kind. You have my gratitude and I would love to hear your thoughts, but as always thank you for reading my work. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	4. Tell Tale Hearts

Chapter 4: Tell-Tale Hearts

* * *

><p>His blue eyes met the world again through small slits. Rick wasn't sure how many hours the sandman had reigned, but the mid-morning sun begged for the curtains to be opened fully.<p>

Rick registered his surroundings. His eyes traveled along and saw that his hand was still in hers.

His eyelids slid wide when he felt his hand being squeezed. Not hard or demanding, just enough of a presence to soothe his panic. When he saw her thumb trail along his hand he snapped back to reality.

His new reality.

Rick's head lifted. His eyes traveled up her hand, arm, and across her chest until he saw her lips pull into a small smile. He dared to go further.

Green eyes. Morning lit forests of evergreens waving 'hello' after a long, cold winter.

"'Bout time, Castle."

Even though her words were slow to come out, her tone doused the fear of never hearing her say his name again.

His name.

It burst around him in an overwhelming upswing, bringing all and any emotions that slumber had lulled to the forefront.

He jumped up. His chair skidded across the floor as he leaned over her. His hands trembled and hovered on the sides of her head, not knowing whether or not to touch her. But he had to. He gently stroked her hair before placing both hands on her cheeks.

"You were so far away, Kate," he choked out.

Her eyes went wide, searching. He felt tears coming and he didn't care when one of them hit her cheek. He watched one escape from the corner of her eye, making a small, wet trail down her cheek. Eventually it hit his hand like morning dew.

"Thank you for coming back," he whispered. He felt her hand move along his arm until her hand was on his.

"Thank you for...being here," she whispered.

"Where else would I be?" he questioned with an astonished smile.

Rick leaned out a bit more and saw that her eyes were getting progressively more misty and realized that he was practically on top of her.

"Sorry, I...I didn't hurt you, did I?" He let go of her face and her hand fell to her side once again.

She gave him a slow eye roll. He almost wept at the site of it. He wanted an eternity of eye rolls, tones, eyebrow raises. He wanted it all.

"No, but that stubble of yours..."

He gave a short burst of laughter, happy that she was able to cut through the emotion. Rick leaned in again so she could get a better look, "You like? I went full-blown rugged to woo a nurse to let me come see you."

She raised an eye brow, not as high as she normally would, but the effect was there, "I guess it worked."

"Not really. She thought her uni-brow too good for my stubble."

The side of her mouth lifted along with her hand. She ran her fingers through a bit of his messy hair, then trailed down the side of his cheek, rubbing her hand against his newly grown facial hair. Rick leaned into her hand. She gave him a weak smile before her she let her hand fall against her side.

Pain medication and a near death experience. Those were the reasons why she was touching him and was allowing him to touch her. He didn't care. He would take all he could get for he didn't know how long until her barricades would fall back into place.

They were silent for a moment before he noticed that Kate was trying to feel what had been done to her. She moved her fingers along the gown, stopping to feel the bandages through the fabric.

Rick brought his other hand up and stopped her movements when they hit the heart monitors that were attached to her.

Rick picked up her hand and slid it over her chest, placing it perfectly over her heart. It wasn't thundering, but a soft pitter-patter akin to a small rabbit waiting to leap out of its briar patch given an opportunity.

"Still strong and as beautiful as ever. And that's all that matters, Kate."

She closed her eyes. Her breathing became choppy and her bottom lip quivered. She clutched his hand and they stayed that way for a few more beats.

Then Kate's nostrils flared and she clenched her jaw. She opened her eyes and gave him a half-hearted smile to cover it up.

"You're in pain." Castle felt like a heel. Monopolizing her when he should have gone to get the doctor. He started to search for alternatives, specifically the nurse's call button.

"I'm fine."

"I'll go and..."

Her body went stiff and she gripped his hand tighter, "Where's my Dad?"

Rick looked at the door and back at her, knowing he needed to get Karen or Dr. Wallace, but he just couldn't leave her.

"Mother and Alexis took him to the loft after he came to see you last night." Castle started scanning her body, wishing like hell he had some Kryptonian blood running through his veins.

"You didn't have to-"

"-I don't have to do a lot of things, but I will do them anyway, for you."

Her eyes glowed warm as embers after a night long fire. Dark, deep sparks that flickered from a source he had never truly seen before. A newly discovered knowledge of something and it was directed at him. It was almost as if she had heard...

Then they turned even darker and burst into flame. Sparking from a familiarity he wished she had never known. It was overpowering and crippled the pain she must have been feeling.

"Did they catch him?"

"Do you want some water? Or something. Can you have water?" He tried to search the room with out letting go of her hand.

"Castle..." she pleaded.

Rick turned back to her. Her eyelids were drifting lower, trying to cover streaks of pain. His words were simple, direct, cutting.

"No, Kate," he stated quietly.

Her eyes flashed, "They didn't catch him?"

"'No' as in they didn't catch him and we aren't talking about this. Not now. You need to focus on getting better."

Rick knew that if she was able she would be poking him or hitting him in the chest right now, "I have a right to know." Her words were slow, and yet succinct with intent.

"Right? You have a right to live, heal and be happy. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet and you...you are acting like..."

"A Detective? It's who I am."

"No, you're..." he searched her face. She was the woman he loved. She was strong, compassionate, beautiful, well-read, witty, intelligent; she was all things including the best Detective in the city. She wasn't one thing. She was everything.

"No, you're...Kate." His Kate.

She stared him down. That same look that Captain Montgomery had told him about when Roy had found her looking at Johanna Beckett's file for the first time. Then her jaw clenched and moved back and forth suggesting that she was grinding her teeth.

"I'm going to find Dr. Wallace and...Josh."

He was about to leave, but her grip had an undeniable fervently and unspoken plea attached to it.

"Just press the nurse's button...thingy." She moved her elbow to indicate where the button was hidden underneath her covers.

He scrambled for the button he had been looking for and started pressing it immediately. Rick regarded her face and noticed that along with the pain she was starting to drift back to sleep. He only had a few final moments before she drifted off again so he dragged his seat back with his foot and sat down.

"Why, Katherine Beckett," his tone was loving, "It's almost like you want me to stay."

"I...I just didn't want you bothering...anyone or chasing after uni-browed nurses." Her words were becoming slower and strained.

"Don't worry. I think I was born just to bother and chase you."

There it was again. That same brief smile of awareness he had seen when he told her he loved her.

"You're going to watch me sleep aren't you?" she whispered as her eyelids slid down completely.

He leaned over her again and pushed it even further by stroking her cheek with his thumb, "I know, creepy."

"Creepy and kinda... sweet."

He sat down and watched her chest rise and fall while she slumbered. Rick knew what awaited him, however, those battles and barricades could wait.

* * *

><p>Karen scooted down the hallway as fast as she could. The Detective's room had been buzzing and since no one called a code it was good news. She was walking past one of the nurse's stations when Sam fell into step beside her.<p>

"Where's the fire?"

"The Quad. We took a vote and your scrubs have to go," Karen quipped as she cast a sideways glance at Sam's bee ridden scrubs with "Have a Bee-utiful Day" written on them.

"You're hysterical. So, I guess she is awake, right?"

"It's why I'm impersonating a speed walker."

"I could go...if you want. I mean I would like to meet her and-"

"-and it would give you ample opportunity to flap your gums with some new gossip, right?"

"Says the person who wanted me to send those Christmas pics of Dr. Wallace to her late last night."

"Yes, I'm a moral black hole. And from now on I will snap my own incriminating pics of my co-workers. Can we move on?"

"Sure...I'm meeting Mr. Shmidtz's grandson for coffee again. I'm showing him around the hospital."

"Why would he want a tour of the hospital?"

"He happens to be taking an interest in my work. Anyway, do you want me to bring you some coffee? I owe you." Sam stopped as Karen was just about to enter the patient's room.

"Sure. I gotta go."

Karen opened the door and stopped at the scene before her. For all his bravado, his fame, for all of his outlandish ways she had read about, she never truly expected to see him as he was now.

The sun was streaming in through the slats of the curtains, caressing the two people before her as if they were in a heavenly meadow or a sunlit tower. His eyes were shadowed. His hair sticking this way and that. He was unshaven and his clothes were wrinkled. She was asleep, her hair cascading out. Her hand was in his and he was rubbing the top of hit with his thumb.

It was a moment she had read about in romance novel after romance novel, but never believed that she would actually see it so up close and so closely linked to Death's cold hand. It was so accurately portrayed that she was fairly certain she would forever be ruined to enjoy the moment in books.

It was the image of a man succumbing to a fate beyond him. Karen knew then that if he could he would have reached into his own chest and given the woman before him his heart. He had already done so in every other way.

Rick looked up at Karen; his eyes were red with relief and joy.

"Was she awake?" Karen finally asked as she started checking her vitals and urine output.

Castle nodded and started to blink more steadily, "She called me creepy."

"Oh...that's..." Karen regarded his expression of complete bliss, "...nice."

"It's our thing."

"Dr. Wallace should be here soon," Karen stated, trying to keep a reign on her romanticism.

"You, uh...you better get Josh too."

Karen's heart broke a bit then, and she couldn't help but give the injured woman in the bed a stern look.

"I will tell him. I saw your family down stairs, do you want to go and-"

"-Please, I can't...please don't make me leave just yet."

"No one's going to do that."

Karen had taken care of that already. She decided to use the rumors of the hospital to her advantage. She had seen Dr. Wallace this morning and had a friendly chat on the elevator ride up. It had cost her a few moral pegs, but it was worth it.

Karen was almost near the door before she heard his voice again.

"Thank you," he said.

Karen knew that it wasn't only directed at her, but the universe as well.

* * *

><p>Karen followed Dr. Wallace out of the Detective's room. The check up went well. Detective Beckett was awake again long enough for Dr. Wallace to finish his assessment. He had given Karen an odd skittish look before he left down the hallway. Karen couldn't blame him. She patted her cell phone in her pocket and knew it was worth it since Mr. Castle was still in the room.<p>

She started toward the waiting room to inform the rest of the patient's family, when she saw Sam down the hallway talking to a man Karen had never seen before. The man was tall and muscular and handed Sam a coffee. Karen scrunched her face up as Sam started to giggle at something the rather trim looking man said.

The two left in the opposite direction. Karen started to move after them, trying to see which way Sam was going, but ended up smacking into someone. She stumbled back but strong arms caught her.

She looked up and saw Dr. Davidson.

"Oh, it's just you."

"Sorry to disappoint you," he chided.

Karen gave him a smile as she regained her footing. When she looked up again his eyes were cast down the hall towards the Detective's door.

"He's in there, isn't he?"

"What can I say? I can actually follow a patient's request." Karen raised an eyebrow at him.

"I guess I deserved that since you don't know Kate."

"You act as those she's this mysterious entity. She's a woman. We aren't from a different planet you know."

He chuckled in disbelief, "She was to me. Still is."

"But not to him."

"No, I guess not." He looked down at Karen, "I'm sorry. I should have gone to get him after my surgery."

"That's sweet, especially since you got that dimple in your cheek when you said it, but I'm not the one you need to say that to."

Josh nodded, "Is Dr. Wallace in there now?"

Karen shook her head, "He was. Everything is looking good."

"Dr. Wallace didn't make him leave?"

"You must be disappointed," she chided.

He took it in stride, "I guess he finally saw reason."

"Oh, he saw it alright," Karen smiled, allowing pride to swell for a moment.

"I was under the impression that Dr. Wallace wasn't well liked, especially by you."

"Dr. Davidson," she put her hand on her hip, "The man saved your...the Detective's life. I hold no ill will." She bobbed her head in glee.

"What did you do?"

Karen shrugged, "Merely showed Dr. Wallace a few pictures of him from the Christmas party, and reminded him that 'family' means different things to different people."

Josh looked confused.

"The pictures weren't of him with his wife."

The doctor stared and his mouth fell open a bit. He recovered and shook his head in mild admiration, "I guess the rumors about you are true."

"And what rumors are those?"

He gave her a sincere smile, "That you always put the patients first."

Karen smiled and nodded in satisfaction, "I can't argue with that."

He looked back at the door down the hall, "I'll be back later to talk to her. If he asks just tell him I'm in surgery. For some reason she doesn't want him to know about us."

"I'm sure she would want to see you too."

"Family first, then I will talk to her."

Karen watched him walk away. She was taking note of his assets when Sam re-emerged with her coffee guy.

They walked to the window and were pointing at things.

"So that is your coffee guy," Karen mumbled as she watched.

Karen didn't know what possessed her to reach in her pocket for her cell phone. Maybe it was the unsettling way he seemed to calculate his surroundings, like a man in a bar searching for a 'tramp stamp', except everything about this man's posture screamed refinement.

When the man turned around she snapped a picture of him and reminded herself to grill Sam about him later.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Castle!"<p>

Rick looked up and put the jello cup down, "What? She wasn't going to eat it. She hates lime flavored jello."

Karen started to shake her head before she snatched the cup from him and gave it to Kate, "Don't make me kick you out."

"Aw, now Karen, you know you couldn't do that. You like me too much."

Karen looked at Kate, "I'm so sorry. I snuck him in here three days ago, thinking that he might eventually leave. Boy was I wrong. Now I have two patients to look after."

"Hey! I've been on my best behavior."

"You haven't even gone home yet," Kate said. It wasn't accusatory, but more of a quandary.

"You haven't asked me to leave."

"Would you if I did?"

"No."

Karen bit her tongue so she wouldn't laugh at Kate's exasperated expression.

"What about Alexis?"

"Alexis understands and she and my mother are having a blast entertaining your father, or vice-versa. You never told me that he taught you how to play guitar."

"Castle, the things you don't know about me-"

"-could fill a book. Books. A library." He had a lopsided, puppy-dog smile directed at Kate.

Karen gazed back and forth between the two. Kate wasn't giving an inch.

"How can you stand it? At least give the poor thing the cliff-notes," Karen stated.

He smiled, "No. I would want to read those books from start to finish. No substitutes. A study guide might help though."

Kate sighed and rolled her eyes at the two people before her. Castle had found a kindred spirit in Nurse Karen. Both seemed to make it their business to drive her nuts.

As Castle started telling Karen one of 'their crime solving' stories, Kate turned her gaze towards the window. She could hear the birds outside and every now and then would see a bunch of the little sparrows swoop past. She longed to be with them. Outside. Free. She longed to feel normal.

It had been three days since her surgery. Every part of her felt foreign. Like someone had stripped her skin and tinkered with her flesh and bone. They had looked at her so minutely that she would never feel like she would be wearing enough clothes. The only moments she didn't feel like that was when he was there looking at her. The look that made her feel like she was his personal constellation.

Rick had only left her side in small increments and a few longer ones when Josh and her father came to visit. She took note of the fact that she was never alone. If Kate didn't know any better she could have sworn there was an unspoken agreement between her father and Rick. They had only just met at the funeral, so she couldn't quite figure out what was going on.

To make matters worse, Esposito and Ryan seemed to be tight lipped when it came to her case. Kate noticed a couple of looks pass between the two of them and Rick as well. She was sure that they told her everything they knew about the case, but that didn't mean they would tell her everything in future. She couldn't corner them because she wasn't supposed to leave the bed and Castle was usually with her.

She had been interviewed by the two Detectives, Carson and Anderson, about this case and Castle refused to leave the room and she wasn't about to ask him to leave much to the frustration of the Detectives. Kate didn't think the Detectives were incompetent. They were doing the best they could since Kate couldn't tell them about the Captain and the people who might be behind it. Kate didn't really want to talk about it with anyone. Things were still to raw and the reality of what she had to do was pressing on her every second Castle stayed with her.

Kate looked down at their hands. His fingers were threaded through hers and seemed to be inseparable. She first noticed it when Josh had come to visit and Castle removed his hand from hers.

Kate knew she needed to get out of there and find whoever did this to her, her mother and her Captain, and yet, as she looked around the room and saw the stack of movies, cross words, books and games Castle had Martha and Alexis bring, she felt something else as well.

Rick had played games, watched old movies and even read selected works of Blake, Keats and Frost to her. She didn't ask and he didn't offer. He just did. A part of her wanted just to lie back and just be with him. And the other part of her was clawing at the walls to get out of the hospital.

"Do you think you could page Dr. Wallace? I want to see if I can get out of here sooner. " Kate asked.

Karen brows almost hit the roof, "That anxious, huh? Even after all the offerings in this room?"

"I feel fine."

"I'm sure you do," Karen placated, "And where will you be staying?"

"I would go home."

"By yourself?"

Kate shifted in her bed and didn't answer.

Karen looked at Castle, who had a pleading expression of 'do not even think of encouraging this'.

"I'm not your doctor, but don't even even think of asking me that again before the end of next week. Honestly, there's stubborn then there is you."

"Another week?" Kate fell back in disbelief, not catching Castle's relieved expression.

"Did you miss the part where you had major surgery?" Karen tried to say it softly, but bluntness seemed to be the only way to go with Kate. Karen had caught her twice trying to wash herself, which resulted in Kate in pain and wet bandages.

"At least you have me to keep you company?" Castle said.

"At least you finally used the shower in my private bathroom." There was a definite tone of annoyance in Kate's voice.

"I don't see why you would complain about that. I thought you would complain about how I finagled to get you catered food."

The detective took a cleansing breath. The truth was, she was thankful for the food. Hospital food was not very appealing in the least. Except for the cherry jello.

"You know, there are other people in this hospital that need the food, and more specifically the private bathroom, more than I."

"Then I wouldn't have been able to sing to you."

Karen's ears perked up, "He serenaded you? How romantic."

"No. Not romantic."

"It was a little romantic," Castle added.

"He sang in the shower," Kate said through clenched teeth.

"My rendition of 'Singing in the Rain' is spectacular."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, "You were so busy singing, you forgot to shave."

"I won't shave until Nurse Mishap falls for me. Clearly facial hair is her thing. So I have to grow this bad boy out. She must like moles too, but I can't grow those."

"You got her into trouble by being in here. She won't forgive you," Karen stated as she leaned in to give Kate an extra pillow.

"Me? You're the one who let me in." Castle got up fast and snatched the pillow from Karen and proceeded to do the task, much to the annoyance of the patient.

"That's not how I tell it," Karen said, causing Kate to change suit and chuckle.

"Oh, she laughs. Cruel that I wasn't the cause of it, but rather the brunt of it." Castle winked at her. Karen noticed the faint blush take hold of the detective's cheeks. They were adorable.

Karen tried to pull up Kate's blanket, but Castle swooped in and did it, tucking it in at the sides. If looks could kill, Karen believed she would be interviewed as a material witness to a writer's downfall.

"So, is there anything you need before I'm off shift? Want me to kick him out?"

"Yes..."

Castle's shoulders slumped in worry.

Kate looked at him, her face remaining even, "But he would just whine at the door until I let him back in."

"It's true." Castle scooted his chair closer to Kate's side.

"Well, I will lay some news paper down and leave you two for the evening."

"Oh, and fresh water too please!" Castle called after her.

She walked towards the door and stopped to address Castle, "Behave yourself, and you," she addressed Kate, "Stay in bed and don't be afraid to spank him if he's bad."

"A whole bushel of 'Apples' worth of spanking, please," Castle stated.

After the door closed, Kate gave a soft chuckle again.

"It's music to my ears," he said with his eyes closed.

"What?"

"That laugh of yours."

"Castle, you act as though I don't laugh."

"Not enough for me."

"Well, then I guess I'm not the girl for you."

Kate went still. She hadn't meant to let that slip. She'd been slipping up a lot recently. When her dad had visited yesterday all three of them ended up playing scrabble together. It was the most fun she had in a long time. Castle was so annoyed that she was beating him that he kept getting food on his face and not caring if it stayed there. She thought nothing of wiping it off until she caught her father's knowing expression.

Now, as Rick reached over and gently cradled her hand, she felt her composure slipping all the more.

"I'll be the judge of that," he stated.

Kate didn't jerk her hand away. She hadn't jerked it away since she had woken up, "You have that backwards. I'll be the judge of that." She didn't want to have this conversation just yet. Just a few more days, then she would do what needed to be done.

"You're lucky I like being ordered around. Or else I wouldn't be the right guy...for you."

The same old dance, and yet, somehow, it was different this time around. Deeper lunges, longer hip rolls and deeper eye contact.

That didn't change things though. Barricades and battles had yet to be challenged and engaged in. They were brewing though, bubbling to the surface for days.

"Castle..."

"I know, Kate. Josh is a great guy." He gently placed her hand back down.

Her face went even. Poker face in place, "Yes, he is."

"I may have a bit of a man-crush on him. He said that he would let me ride his bike."

"I would pay to see that."

"I'd rather ride with you though. Arms wrapped around your waist. The wind in my hair."

"Don't you mean beard?"

"Admit it, you like it."

She did. He looked almost dangerous, but she like him the other way as well. Who was she kidding, she'd liked him and if she was truly honest with herself it was so much more than that.

"All you have to do is ask and I'd gladly be your bike-bitch," Castle stated, smiling.

Kate brought her hand to her mouth and tried to cover up her smile. He had been going out of his way to make her smile. It was getting ridiculous the rush of giddiness she felt. She knew the source, but didn't know what to do with it yet.

"Have you heard anything about the suspect?"

They had decided to call him 'the suspect' because every time Kate called him 'her shooter' Castle visibly blanched. Kate couldn't take it anymore, so she down graded it a bit, he still winced and truthfully so did she.

"Castle..."

Castle bowed his head. This had been a source of contention between them. She wanted the son of a bitch who did this to her and he was trying to keep her safe.

He looked at her. His nose twitched, "No."

Kate did try, for the first time in days, to jerk her hand away. He held on strong.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Let Anderson and Carson do their jobs. You talked to them yesterday and they said they would let you know if they had any leads."

"Did you see the sketches from the eye witnesses? Apparently no one got a decent look."

"There was a lot going on," he gently reminded her.

"He's still out there and..." Kate trailed off.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

His blue eyes blazed with a certainty that she had never seen before. Kate tried to take her hand away again. Distance. It was time to enforce the distance again, build up those barricades.

"You can't stop bad things from happening, Castle."

Rick gave her hand a squeeze and a look like 'I will die trying' that shook her to her core. It was unsettling the lengths he would go to for her; what was even more unsettling was that every fiber of her being was telling her to allow it. Allow someone to truly be there for her.

A heavy silence fell between them and a few birds skittered by the windows, breaking the tension with their sweet chirps and playfulness.

"Lanie should be here soon," Castle commented, "I gave her your list of things."

Kate gave him a stern look, "You did give her my list and not the one you made up, right? "

"You wound me with your accusations. Besides, I like the hospital gowns. They are very, revealing."

"You said you didn't look!"

Castle smiled, "I didn't, but I have a very good imagination. Love the black laced cheekies by the way."

She reached behind her to grab her pillow to hit him with. An action that caused her to wince in pain.

Castle was there in an instant taking the pillow from her.

"Would you stop doing that?" Kate sternly asked, not letting go of the pillow.

"What?" He pulled on the offending object.

"It's going to hurt. But I'm not an invalid," she gave the pillow a tug and tried to cover up the pain that shot across her chest.

"You were shot." He tugged back.

"Past tense." She kept pulling.

"Present tense: you're recovering." Castle reminded her.

"I know, but I can lift a pillow."

"Not without wincing."

"Next time I won't wince."

"You're right, because I will move it for you."

"Castle..."

"Kate..."

Castle snatched the pillow from her, "Why won't you just let me help you?"

"It's not your job."

"Fine. Then I will leave, go get Josh and he can fluff your pillows."

"This has nothing to do with him."

"Of course not. Apparently this has nothing to do with anyone. You would be fine if we all pretended this didn't happen."

She went to grab the pillow from him, but he held it high, "You're really enjoying this aren't you? Like I'm your damsel or something," she snapped trying to cover up the pain, anger and fear she was feeling.

Kate stopped reaching for the pillow when she felt the air in the room shift. Her gaze turned from the pillow to his eyes.

Steely blue. Sharp with hurt and anger, directed at her.

He moved towards her, lifted the pillow and tucked it behind her. His eyes never leaving hers.

He didn't stop there. Rick leaned in closer until she felt her back was flush with the pillow. Then he took his hands and placed them on either side of the pillow, capturing her.

Upon reflex, her hands moved to his chest. She wasn't sure if she wanted to pull him in or shove him away, but she wasn't backing down from this and matched his gaze completely.

Kate waited for him to yell or engage in a full blown argument. They had been building to it the last couple of days. Instead, he removed one of his hands from the side of the pillow, found her right hand and moved it along his chest until it was over his heart.

He made sure her hand was flush against his chest, feeling his heart beat, before speaking again, "I know, more than anyone, how strong you are. But I'm going to be selfish. I need to do this for you."

The anger that was in his eyes was now overshadowed by guilt.

She felt 'always' ebb and flow, drifting along the guilt, fear and love both of them were carrying. It had been chipped and fragmented, the majority of it was her doing. She had walked up to the cave and taunted the dragon. She wasn't fire proof. She wasn't bullet proof. And neither was the man sitting next to her.

"This isn't your fault, Rick."

"I-I wasn't careful enough. I was two steps behind the entire time. I won't make that mistake again."

Kate knew she should try and decipher that comment, and would have if Rick didn't start to lean in even closer. Her chest seized. Her heart moved from a soft pitter-patter to a deep, yearning thumping. It was almost as if her heart wanted to leap out and attach itself to him all the more.

While her heart was trying to escape to him, her veins sizzled. Her nerves wanted to break from underneath her skin and attach themselves to his. Every rational thought screamed for her to stop him from getting any closer, knowing it would make pushing him away that much harder when she continued searching for her mother's killer.

Her body had other ideas.

It craved connection. It's why she allowed him to hold her hand, fix the straps of her gown, to move her hair away from her face over the last couple of days. She needed him to be there and her mind hated her heart for it.

Kate realized that the softness of the pillow started to fade away from her back. Her body had started to lean towards him. Her other hand slid up his chest and her fingers found their way to his beard. She wanted to know what it would be like to feel it against her skin as her lips touch his.

The thought must have streaked across her eyes, because she heard his hand grip the pillow and her name being whispered. Kate gulped. Her mind screamed in protest. Her heart screamed with glee.

She just started to let go, when out of the corner of her eye a movement by the doorway made them both freeze.

* * *

><p>I hope all of you enjoyed chapter four. There was some CastleBeckett fluff in there for you. Some of you might be wondering why I keep bringing up Sam, Karen, the coffee guy and Josh. Well, all things are connected. There will be an update by next Sunday.

I was flabbergasted at the number of hits/visits that I received last Sunday. Wow. Huge shout out to all of you who seem to be reading this little fic. To those who favored, alerted and, more specifically, to those of you who reviewed, you have my sincerest thanks. I love reading your thoughts and it makes the editing process go by quicker knowing that all of you want more.

If you get a few moments out of your busy lives, please drop a review my way. Good, bad or meh...I will take it and respond in kind. As always though, you have my gratitude for simply reading my work.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	5. Code of Context

Chapter 5: Code of Context

* * *

><p>Beyond the hospital bed that Kate was in, beyond the bountiful display of flowers and well wishes resting on the tables, beyond the door of the private washroom, four sets of eyes registered the scene before them.<p>

Words seemed to slip momentarily between awkwardness and the quickening of hearts. A few smiles started to spread from three of the people at the door.

"Are we interrupting something?" Lanie asked from the door way, along with a smiling Esposito, Ryan and a rather silent Josh.

"No," "Yes," Kate and Castle said at the same time while they flew apart from each other. Then Kate noticed Josh as did Castle.

"I was just... fluffing her pillows," Castle said, taking a step away from Kate's bed.

Kate moved down the pillow some more and looked out the window to hide the blush growing on her cheeks.

"I'll just...come back later," Josh said as he left the room.

"You need to work on your code," Ryan stated to Castle. Esposito nodded in agreement.

Lanie didn't even try to hide her now beaming expression, "Well, I think we'll all come back later and-"

Kate swung her head around at the remaining three people at the door, "Lanie, give me my clothes, and you two tell me about the shooter."

Castle winced, so did Ryan and Esposito.

"I mean the suspect," Kate corrected. "Any new leads?"

The two male Detectives gave a quick look towards Castle. Kate noticed it immediately.

"They still haven't caught him," Esposito stated before looking at the table, "There's barely any room on here," Esposito started moving the flowers around on the table.

"The 12th has gone kind of crazy," Castle stated, giving them a knowing expression. Every time they came to visit they brought flowers from 'the 12th'. "Some of the other flowers are from from my fans that the nurses brought in."

Kate didn't want to think of 'his' fans. It was becoming abundantly clear that this incident ignited even more rumors of their involvement. She did have to admit though, she wasn't being bombarded by reporters, which was no doubt his doing.

"What about Carson and Anderson? Were they able to find any witnesses that weren't from the..." She trailed off, picturing Roy. She couldn't think about that right now.

"No. Sorry," Ryan added.

She felt her frustration growing, "You don't know anything?"

"We know a lot of things..." Esposito defended, "Like the Bruins look good for heading to the playoffs this year."

"And we know Water for Elephants is still on the New York Times Bestseller list," Ryan commented.

Everyone in the room looked at him with amused expressions.

"Jenny and I went to see the movie. She has a thing for the 'Rob Patterson' type."

"You do sparkle in the sunlight," Castle commented while trying to steel glances at Kate. Her poker face was in full effect.

"Jenny has me using this new shaving cream," he looked at Castle, "the non toxic kind," Castle looked off to the side as Ryan continued, "Anyway, it makes my skin feel wonderful."

"Ryan can give you a few cans for that bush on your face," Esposito quipped.

Castle shook his head, "Nurse Mishap is intoxicating. She will be mine."

"I saw her downstairs," Esposito made the outline of a woman with his hands in the air. It looked like he was drawing a pumpkin, "I think she's wearing a girdle today." Lanie slapped him on the arm.

"And if I'm not mistaken, she might have trimmed her brow just for you," Lanie's boyfriend added.

Rick turned to Kate, "You see, I'm...wearing...her...down..." Castle stopped at the look Kate was giving him. To everyone else it was like she was amused, but her eyes made him wish he was wearing armor.

Kate brought up the blanket up higher on her chest, before giving her underlings a hardened looked, "I don't mean to interrupt this little gab fest you three have going, but do you know anything about the person who shot me."

Their faces grew solemn, "No, not yet," Esposito and Ryan stated in unison.

"Anderson and Carson are running down a few leads, but nothing has panned out yet."

"Kate, they would tell you if they had anything more," Castle said giving her hand a squeeze. Lanie saw Kate's arm move, but she also saw the look Castle was giving Kate and how he was squeezing her hand tighter.

Neither of them were backing down. The air grew thick. Not even the sparks that were flying got very far. It was time to have a bit of a private chat with her best friend.

"Why don't you boys leave and let me spend some time with Kate."

Castle pouted as Lanie grabbed his arm and started pulling him from Kate's side. It was a gesture that he would always despise.

"Is it a sponge bath? I can help with that." He took note of Kate's face and decided that now was not the time to joke. She looked like she wanted to turn him into mince meat.

"Out!" Lanie said as she finally shoved all three of them out of the room.

Kate was about to give a sigh of relief until she caught her friend's all-knowing smile. She almost felt like calling Castle back in.

* * *

><p>Castle found himself in the same place he was three days ago: the waiting room. In the light of day and on the other side of hope, the room wasn't disastrously crippling as before. The clock ticked on, not annoyingly, but like a factory worker. The decor was still bland but wasn't harnessed with Death lounging about at the moment.<p>

Castle couldn't quell his hatred for this room though. He looked over at the spot he had paced for hours. He looked at the chairs that had provided no comfort. His nostrils filled with that same stagnant smell of waiting. Rick wanted to get her out of here, except he feared what was beyond the tall windows and concrete Quad; he was afraid that this entity that keeps following Kate around might finally succeed its quest.

"She's onto us. And as soon as she gets her gun, she's going to shoot us," Ryan stated.

"We have told her everything we know, we aren't keeping anything from her."

"Except for the fact that we have a fairly good idea that he will try and get to her here or as soon as she leaves the hospital," Ryan said.

"Like she hasn't figured that out," Esposito shot back.

Rick ran his hand through his hair, "I don't think they will try anything here. It's too high profile. He'll wait until she is out."

Esposito shook his head in disbelief, "Who ever these people are, risked a shooting at a...funeral. They're more than serious."

Rick gave them a grave look, "He missed."

"What do you mean he missed?" the blue eyed Detective asked, "She was in surgery for hours and almost died."

"People like them don't miss. They shoot to kill," the writer emphasized.

"You think it was a warning?" Ryan asked.

Rick shrugged, "Either that or the guy really messed up."

"Or Kate was just really God-damn lucky," Esposito said quietly.

A few moments past before Ryan's question fell between them. "Let's say you're right, Castle. So, what are they waiting for?"

"The press is all over this. Paula has been hounding me to make another statement for days. It's too high profile for them to try something now."

"It was high profile at the funeral as well," Ryan reminded him.

"Maybe they are waiting to see if someone is going to bang down their doors. If Montgomery knew and had the files he could have given them to someone. They must have assumed it was Kate. But since no one has come after them since Kate was shot, then maybe they are waiting to see what she does next. And if she does nothing, then she doesn't know and then they know they have some time."

"Montgomery might have destroyed them."

Castle looked out the windows, "He wanted to keep Kate safe. He sacrificed himself for her, but at the same time destroying those files meant that she would never find out. I don't know if Montgomery had the heart to do that to her."

"The Captain had the heart to do a lot of things," Esposito stated, with a harsh tone.

Out of all of them, Esposito had the hardest time coming to grips with the Captain's betrayal. It was still raw and clouded; everything they did, who they trusted and how they did their jobs felt tested now. A fallen mentor, no matter how heroic the fall, sent ripples through them all. Reactions slowly came to the surface or were pushed far underneath.

Castle knew that for Kate, she was burying them, deep. Using it as fuel. And that stripped all his rational thought away, leaving him cuddling the notion of her safety above all else.

"What about her protective detail? Anything unusual pop up?"

"We did background checks on almost the entire staff. There were a few things, but nothing major," Esposito said as he crossed his arms.

"What sort of things?" Rick questioned.

"Well, thanks to Ryan, Mr. Ass-crack Vendor got fired."

Ryan gave a sheepish smile, "I think it is fair to say that it was Castle's money throwing that got him fired."

"There are more than a few doctors that are in dept. That Dr. Wallace has a few extra curricular activities I would have cared not to know about. And then there is Nurse Ugly-Scrubs." Esposito gestured to the nurse's station where Sam was holding a bouquet of flowers with a small, black, plush bear in it.

"What about her?"

"Not only is she financially strapped, but has no family left. She is lonely and depressed."

"She seems so...cheerful," Ryan stated.

"She's on some strong meds. I talked to her yesterday and she just went on and on about Dr. Davidson."

"Josh?" Castle asked.

"Oh, yeah. And believe me, it's one sided after talking to Josh and Nurse Karen."

"We aren't talking Fatal Attraction are we?" Castle asked, worried that Kate might land in the crossfire.

"No. She's just missing a few birds from her flock at the moment-"

"Birds from her flock? Really?" Ryan asked.

"I'll make sure to think of a better one for you later. Anyway, she has her eye on another guy now, a grandson of one of her long term patients. So she gushed about him for another ten minutes, along with how you can get a two for one discount for scrubs at Toys 'R'. Us."

"Toys 'R' Us?" Ryan questioned.

"Where else could she possibly get those things?" Esposito gestured to the nurse in question, "Besides, everyone knows tigers say 'grrrreat' not lions."

"What about visitors to the hospital?"

Esposito looked back to Castle, "We're trying to keep track, but it's not easy. They check ID's for people on the floor and things check out."

Castle nodded, trying to convince himself that she was safe for now, "Anything else?"

The two Detectives shared a look, "We also heard some...rumors," Ryan suggested.

"About?"

"Dr. Davidson," Esposito said with a smile.

"If it's about Kate then you have to-"

Ryan shook his head, "We don't want to give Beckett more reasons to shoot us."

Castle narrowed his eyes and was about to pressure them further when he noticed Nurse Mishap at the Nurse's station, shooing Sam away.

"Looks like your girlfriend's back, Castle," Esposito pointed to the woman in question.

"That's her come hither look," Ryan said.

Castle straightened his shoulders, "I guess I have to go over there. Make sure everything is in order with Kate's medical bills."

Esposito gave Castle a look between admiration and 'you're crazy', "You know Beckett's response to you 'helping' isn't going to be a hug, right?"

"She's not going to find out," Castle said.

"Of course not. It's not like she's a Detective or anything."

"We do get some benefits as cops you know," Ryan said.

"Yeah, but not all the fancy stuff that Kate needs."

The brown eyed detective put his hand on his stomach, "That vegetarian lasagna yesterday was to die for."

"And that peach cobbler? Went straight to my hips," Ryan added.

"I would do the same for the two of you."

Ryan shared a smile with his partner.

"Is that so?" Ryan asked.

"Yes, of course," Castle said emphatically.

"Even 'fluff' our pillows?" Esposito asked

Castle shot them a look, "Nothing happened."

"That's code for 'knock next time' right?" Ryan chided.

Castle just shook his head and went over to the Nurse's station. The two Detectives watched Castle put on his best charm show.

"No way. Is she smiling?"

"It's hard to tell with her snaggle tooth."

They watched the nurse stand up and slide some papers down the top of the desk until it was on Castle's arm. Seconds later, they heard a loud pounding sound which sent Castle back, flapping his arm.

Nurse Mishap sat back down as Castle made his way back to the boys.

He held up his arm to reveal the pieces of paper had been stapled to his shirt, "She just didn't want me to lose the papers."

"You seem to be a little out of practice with women," Ryan chuckled.

"What can I say?" He looked down the hallway that would take him back to Kate, "I haven't had a reason to practice in a long while."

The waiting room grew quiet before Esposito broke the silence, "Castle, she's not going to stop."

"As soon as she gets out, she will pursue this even more," Ryan added.

"I know."

"Are you going to try and stop her? 'Cause I don't think anyone can," Esposito shook his head at the thought that this could happen again.

"Or should," Ryan mumbled.

"Should? Of course he should!" Esposito shot back at him.

"I think if I were to lose Jenny or my mom or anyone in my family and not really know what happened...I don't know if I wouldn't do the same."

"It almost cost her her life," Castle countered.

"I know that. It's just...think about what she has to walk away from."

"She did it once before."

"Did she? Has she ever truly given it up? I'm not saying I don't agree with you, Castle. I'm just saying this is Beckett. If you tell her to stop or get in her way she will push you away. Worse, she will-"

"Hate me for it. I know that."

The writer's friends bowed their heads.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"If you ask her to walk away then give her something to walk towards."

The truth of what Ryan had said fell between them.

Castle shifted form foot to foot for a moment, "Maybe we should talk to Josh about this. I-it's not my place," Castle conceded.

The two detectives shared a look. Ryan gestured to his partner to talk and Esposito countered the gesture back. Ryan mouthed 'no you do it'. Esposito just shook his head and shoved Ryan forward.

"Castle, Josh and Beckett are-"

Ryan didn't finish his sentence before three cell phones started to ring at once.

Ryan cringed, "Bad news always happens in threes."

The Detectives turned to answer their phones and Castle walked a few paces near the nurse's station where nurse Mishap was 'smiling', to answer his.

"Hey, Sweetie," Castle said, smiling at the sound of his daughter's voice.

_"Hi, Dad. How is Detective Beckett doing?"_

Castle smiled, "Better. Much better."

_"So, it is OK for us to stop by in the morning?"_

"You don't need to ask."

There was a muffled sound and Castle could almost make out his mother's voice.

_"Grams says that we need to phone first,"_ Alexis said knowingly.

Castle nodded. It's not like he wasn't being completely obvious about how he felt.

"Did you get my list?"

_"Don't you mean lists? Then, yes and no I am not subjecting her to your obsession of all things space cowboy related."_

"They're cowboys. In space!" The statement garnered him a 'shhhh' from Nurse Mishap, causing him to move towards the window.

_"No. Mr. Beckett suggested a few Bogart and Becall classics that she watched when she was little. And I packed more books."_

"No Patterson or Connelly."

_"Dad..."_

"Fine, but absolutely no Conrad."

_"I packed books Kate would like, if Conrad happens to be in there, that is not your concern."_

"Don't test me, Child."

_"Don't make me take out Storm Fall, Father."_

"Fine. But put Conrad's lone publishing on the bottom. And in the corner of the bag." Even though Castle knew Kate was a 'one writer kind of girl' he hated the thought of watching her read the book or worse, reading it to her.

_"Want me to stuff your mail in there as well?"_

"I went electronic a while ago, so what could possibly be piling up?"

_"A package came for you."_

"Gina? Paula? Oh, if it's Paula, don't open it. Actually, same goes for Gina. Fire ants might storm out."

_"Um, I don't think it is from them. There's no return address."_

"Is it ticking?" He asked.

_"No, the mailman gave it to Grams this morning."_

Rick heard crinkling of paper over the phone.

_"It feels like a book or manuscript. Want me to open it?"_

"No. It's probably from Gina, she thinks that if I don't know who it's from that it will drive me nuts until I open it. I will deal with it when I get back. Just stick it on my desk somewhere."

Castle heard her yawn into the phone.

"Everything OK? You sound tired. You aren't taking to Ashley until the wee hours again are you?"

_"Everything is fine, Dad. Do you think I should bring her...stuff?"_

Castle felt fatherly pride swell. Alexis couldn't save Kate's glove but the hat had been expertly cleaned, "I think she would like that."

_"I won't forget the music either."_

"You got my list for that too?"

_"Yes, and I disregarded it immediately."_

"You're denying Kate hours of sing-alongs."

_"She can thank me later. I gotta go. Mr. Beckett made us dinner tonight. It's one of Kate's mom's recipes. Oh and I'm making her favorite cookies. We'll bring them tomorrow."_

"OK. Love you."

_"Love you too and give Detective Beckett a hug for me."_

"Will do."

Castle hung up the phone and turned. Two concerned faces awaited him.

"What?"

"We just talked with Carson and Anderson," Ryan stated, "They found something."

* * *

><p>Lanie turned and regarded her best friend after she shoved the boys out of the room. She looked better. Still pale, when Castle wasn't there to make her blush. If Kate had her way, she would be out of the hospital today. If Lanie had her way, it would be in two weeks. If Castle had his way, it would be never.<p>

"Care to explain what we just walked in on?"

"It was nothing," Kate mumbled as she swung her legs over the edge of the hospital bed.

"Sure, three years of nothing," Lanie mumbled right back.

Lanie opened the door to the bathroom for her friend before grabbing the bag of clothes she had brought. Kate tried to untie the gown herself; it was of little use. The pain was manageable, but it still caused her to have facial expressions. Lanie quickly stepped in and tried to help.

"I can do this," Kate hissed.

"Don't take that tone with me and no you can't."

Kate took a calming breath before looking at her friend, "I'm sorry. It's just I'm not allowed to do anything. He is here all the time. I can't even breath without him watching me-"

"Or holding your hand."

"Yes! That too."

"Horrible way to recover," Lanie said.

"This isn't funny."

"Was I laughing?"

Lanie pulled the fabric down and walked around until she was standing in front of Kate. The gown fell down between them and Lanie handed Kate a towel to cover herself and bandages with.

"Let him pamper you. It's the only way he thinks that he is useful."

"That's not true."

"Are you sure? Because you haven't been all sunshine and puppies when he is near you. One minute you're holding his hand the next second it looks like you want to hit him with it."

"He has better things to do."

"No, he doesn't."

"He hasn't been writing. He has a book release in a couple of months and Gina keeps hounding him. Paula keeps phoning him. He hasn't been home in days. He could use this time to write."

"Have you seen him? The man is a mess."

"Rick needs to go home and spend time with his daughter and...why are you smiling."

"First name basis. Damn, I'm liking this more and more."

"I've called him that before."

"Oh, I'm sure you have," Lanie said slyly.

"Not like that."

"Why do you say such sad things like that? You should of said, 'I've been screaming out his names for months, Lanie. Trust me, he has something mightier than a pen and the man knows how to use-'"

Kate put her hand over Lanie's mouth, "Please, shut up and hand me the cloth. I can at least do my arms," Kate stated.

"Don't think I didn't notice you wincing all the way to the bathroom. Your muscles are still healing. You are still healing."

"It doesn't hurt that much."

"Did I forget to mention that I actually watched your surgery. So I know exactly what is and isn't hurting."

Kate's eyes darted to Lanie, "You shouldn't have."

"Yes, I did, and I would do it again. We all were so...you scared the crap out of us."

"Sorry," was the only thing Kate could say as she rubbed her friends arm. Lanie blinked away her tears.

"It wasn't your fault, but don't try and minimize it. It happened," Lanie gently touched the bandage, "We all were there burying a loved one and then watching a loved one get shot. So if I need to help you bathe or Ryan and Esposito need to keep bringing you flowers, or if Castle needs to hold your hand then bury your pride. We need reminders that you are still here."

Kate took the back of her hand and wiped away her friend's tear, trying not to shed her own, "You can't get rid of me that easily."

"You have a warped definition of 'easy'."

The woman shared a smile and a bit of a chuckle before Lanie took charge, "Turn around and let me do your back."

Lanie brought the cloth to Kate's back and let the water cascade down. Kate started to relax. As the water made trails down her back, the image of Castle made trails in her mind. She wondered what it would be like having him do this. To feel his hand slowly squeezing the cloth against her back. Allowing the water to touch her skin and have his fingers follow the rivulets of water all the way down.

He had great hands. They were soft, but not in the overly pampered way. There were a few calluses from writing that always make her smile when she felt them. Kate was never the type to enjoy the act of 'hand holding'. With him, at least over the last couple of days, she had been making an exception.

Kate felt more water slide down her back and sighed dreamily.

"Feel better?" Lanie asked.

"Yes."

"And don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you are imagining I'm Castle right now."

Lanie might as well have dumped cold water on her.

"I wasn't."

"Uh-uh. So who was it? Josh?"

Kate had to tread lightly, "I wasn't picturing anyone."

"Hmmm. I guess I forgot to mention that Josh was there with me during your surgery?"

"He never told me that when he came here."

"So he's been here before tonight?"

"Castle makes a point to make sure Josh comes to visit as much as he can." Kate couldn't hide her annoyance.

"Josh is such a nice and considerate boyfriend."

Kate didn't like Lanie's oddly cheerful tone.

"Interesting though."

"What's interesting?" Kate was almost afraid to ask.

"I expected Josh to be angrier."

"Angrier?"

"You know a little bit of green should have showed when when Josh saw that Castle was 'fluffing' your 'pillows'."

Kate resisted the urge to groan. They needed to work on their code. They? Code? She cringed. Now she was thinking they needed a code. This close proximity to Castle had to stop.

Lanie waited a few moments before turning Kate around. The two women regarded each other. Years of friendship passed between them.

"Josh told you."

"Yes, which as best friends go, you kinda suck."

"I was a little too unconscious to do so."

"Oh no. He told me the whole story Katherine Beckett. Dates and even the time."

Kate acquiesced, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just...you had introduced us in the first place and-"

"You needed a front."

"I'm not using Josh as a front."

"Does Castle know?"

Kate didn't answer.

"And Josh is OK with not telling Castle? Because when I talked to him, he was surprised you two weren't already together. No. Strike that. The whole hospital was surprised that you and Castle aren't a couple."

"I can't control what Josh does. I just...Castle he..." Kate couldn't finished. Her line of defenses against Castle were dwindling. If any more started to fall then her heart would see it as a go signal to rush towards him, leaving her mind in the dust. There was too much at risk to let that happen.

Lanie squeezed her friend's hands, until Kate looked at her.

"You probably don't want to think about this or even know it, but I'm going to tell you anyway. If you saw him, the look on Castle's face when he thought he lost you. Those types of feelings aren't something you mess with. They are there for a reason and-"

Kate closed her eyes and whispered,"-Don't. Please."

Lanie regarded her friend, "I'm not going to argue, since you are the one who just had surgery, however, when you are fully recovered, prepare for an earful. Understand?"

"Will there be alcohol?" Kate asked trying to compose herself.

"Yes, I think one has to be drunk to understand your cockamamie ideas as to why you would keep a man like Castle at bay. Now let's finish up so I can go and have your man hound me on what it's like to give you a sponge bath."

Lanie helped Kate finish bathing and was just finishing changing Kate's bandages when they heard movement from the room.

"I swear that writer of yours is getting worse as you are getting better. Here," Lanie handed Kate the bag of clothing," try and assert your independence while I shoo his fine ass out."

Lanie left the bathroom and stopped short after closing the door.

"Can I help you?"

The shorter nurse swung around and almost dropped the bouquet that she was holding. Lanie was almost blinded by the bright orange scrubs with lions on them.

"Oh...um, these are for the Detective," the nurse held up the bouquet of white flowers with a little black teddy bear, with a red heart on it's chest, in them

"Anywhere you can find room is fine."

"She's popular, isn't she," the nurse said as she found a place off to the side of the table.

Then the nurse just stood there.

Lanie waited for her to move and then realized she was looking around the room," If your looking for Richard Castle, he isn't here."

"Oh..no..I'm mean I...and I'm going to go now," she pointed to her scrubs, "Have a grrrrreat day!" the nurse scurried out.

"Every hospital has one," Lanie said before Kate poked her head out of the door.

"Who was it?"

"Some nurse with more flowers."

"Good," Kate swung the door wide, "Care to explain this?

Lanie tried to suppress her grin at Kate's wild look of annoyance.

"Something wrong?"

Kate held up the offending object even closer to Lanie's face, "What is this?"

The M.E. shrugged, "I followed the list perfectly."

"Which list?"

"Combination of the two. Need help getting in that teddy?"

* * *

><p>Castle made his way back to Kate's room. The sun was almost tucked in for the evening, making way for the moon and its follies. As the double paned windows slowly waited for Rick to pass, he couldn't help but feel an unease settle within his bones.<p>

It could have been the conversation with Ryan and Esposito, specifically the part where he realized that all he ever wanted might forever be out of his reach if he did try to stop her. The struggle between doing what was needed and he wanted was raging. It was slicing him this way and that, only being soothed by her touch.

He smiled then. He loved the feel of her soft hand in his. Even when she tried to pull it away. If she really wanted to she could have. Rick never squeezed it enough to stop her. That told him something. A something that made his toes curl, made his heart flutter and his veins surge.

The memory of their almost kiss made him run his tongue across his lips. He shouldn't have allowed himself to get that close. Rick knew that and more importantly didn't want to cause any problems for Kate while she was recovering.

Castle rounded the corner feeling the need to hold her hand once more and found Josh standing outside Kate's door. He looked up and gave Castle a nod.

"I, uh, will come back," Castle turned to leave, but was stopped by Josh's voice.

"I'm actually waiting for you."

Castle heard Lanie's strong laugh from the room. They must be watching a movie, so Castle knew this wasn't about Kate's health.

"Nothing's happened. I was just..."

"I know. You were just...making her pillows...fluffy."

He really did need a better code, "If this is about me spending time with, Kate...I just don't want her to be alone."

The heart surgeon gestured down the hall.

"Let's go to the cafeteria. I need a coffee and I think it's time we talked."

Castle shifted a little bit uncomfortably, "About?"

"About you being in love with Kate."

Oh. That.

"I guess this means you're not going to let me ride your bike. right?"

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed chapter 5. One of my favorite things in the world is writing dialogue. Love it to bits. This chapter also served as the half-way point. Only a few more chapters left. Hopefully you've been picking up those bread crumbs. There were a few in this chapter.<p>

All of you are truly kind for reading, reviewing, alerting, and/or favoring my story. Since I can't respond to some of your reviews via PM I felt I needed to put this here:

Keshia, I hope you did well on your exam. Reading your review put the biggest smile on my face and my friends thought my face was going to stay that way. All I have to offer is my gratitude in return. Thank you so very much.

To all my readers: enjoy my work as you will and I hope it brings a smile to your face as well. Expect an update by next Sunday.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	6. Strings and Storms

Chapter 6: Strings and Storms

* * *

><p>Kate scrunched her toes against the cold floor of her private bathroom, noting the absence of her five inch heels. She'd been in, what she called, her sanctuary, for a while with only her reflection to keep her company. As her robe fell about her feet, she reached her hands up and soon she felt the hospital gown ease down her skin.<p>

She ran her fingers over her bandages, weighing the damages. The pain from recovering from GSW to the chest aside, she had almost frozen to death that year, and had burned the candle at both ends night after night, trying to solve her mother's case, and Royce's case; all the while giving other families closure.

Her body was in debt and so was her soul.

Loved ones being stripped away. 'If onlys' seemed to be piling up. Kate peeled back the seepage-stained bandage. Flesh, bone and heart. All stitched together by something or someone.

Was it worth it? Was chasing whomever was behind all of this really worth it? Her reflection was giving her a definitive answer and all she could do was clean the area, put a new bandage on and pull her gown and robe back up.

Kate regarded her reflection once again. Remnants of the past couple days were etched into her features. After Lanie had visited, Kate's body had betrayed her further and she developed a low grade fever. Exhaustion and her need for complete independence had caught up to her. Castle, Karen and Dr. Wallace went into 'lock down' mode which meant more confinement and more meds that made everything hazy.

Kate braced both hands on the sink, wishing she was feeling the edges of her desk at the precinct instead. Her eyes darted to her phone on the counter. It was supposed to be her life line. A link to the world that wasn't trying to confine her. Her private bathroom, her private room, this hospital, all seemed to be closing in around her. And Castle's proximity was both wondrous and disastrous, mimicking whatever their relationship was at the moment.

"Kate?"

She bowed her head at his voice from the other side of the door, "What is it, Castle?"

"I'm going to get your breakfast now. Karen is going to stay though."

"Good, because I wouldn't want to be left alone to my own devices."

She heard him sigh and she tried not to picture his downtrodden expression.

"Why don't I go get my own breakfast and you can stay here?" she asked.

"You just got over your fever and-"

Same old, same old, "Just go!"

At the precinct she could limit his access. Put him in his chair. Keep him outside the interrogation room. She was the master not the marionette. Surrounded by these walls though, it wasn't that way. From the doctors, to the nurses, even Castle...all of them pulled her this way and that. Kate needed to get a pair of scissors and cut them all away, so all movement was hers again.

She needed to be alone.

She needed time to think.

She needed Esposito and Ryan to return her damn calls, show up with her case file and run theory. If this guy was out there, then she needed him alive. 'Alive' meant she was one step closer to catching the person behind her mother's death and now Montgomery's death.

Roy.

She closed her eyes. Took a few deep breaths. Those strings had done their damage and were now severed. But now was not the time. Bury it. Use it as fuel. As fire for...justice? Revenge? She wanted to say justice, she really did.

Kate reached for her phone and dialed Esposito's number. She heard it ring and go straight to voice mail. She had left enough messages. She tried Ryan's number and she was just about to hang up when she heard his voice but it was muffled as if his hand wasn't covering the phone properly.

"_No, we have to...she'll just keep phoning..." _His voice was distant before becoming clearer, _"Hey, Beckett. How are feeling?"_

"Having phone trouble?"

"_No. Why?"_

"Then you have been avoiding my calls."

"_N-no we haven't."_

"We?"

"_Me. I-I haven't."_

"And Esposito?"

"_Oh, he has. He's like that."_ She heard a thwacking sound, _"I mean you'd have to ask him that."_

She took a deep breath, "Just tell me what you found."

"_We didn't find anything, yet,"_ he told her. He sounded somewhere between 'Jiminy Cricket' and 'nose growing'.

"That's not what Anderson and Carson told me," Kate bluffed.

Silence, then Ryan answered, _"What did they say?"_

"That you had a break through in my case."

"_Which was?"_ Ryan inquired.

"That you were following a lead or two on who shot me."

"_Define 'lead'."_

"Ryan..." she warned.

"_There's nothing major to report." _

"And minor?"

There were more muffled voices, _"I know I'm not good at this! She's Beckett!..Sorry, Beckett, but shouldn't you be resting?"_

She heard Esposito's voice in the background, _"We're here, we have to go."_

"Where are you?" Kate asked.

"_I gotta go...um we're going through a, uh...tunnel."_

The phone went dead and she clutched it in her hand.

"Castle."

She said his name through clenched teeth. He had gotten to them. He had gotten to her. Was under her skin. In her thoughts. She knew that Castle, Esposito and Ryan would tell her if there was anything substantial, but she wanted to know the in between, the nuances, the facts and details that build a case.

She needed her murder board. She needed to get out. She needed to get away.

He would just follow.

Rick had made her room, this hospital, his precinct. He knew the ropes. She didn't. Resentment started to linger, fester, and swirl within her.

"Everything OK in there?" Kate heard Karen ask on the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yes," Kate pulled herself together and swung the door open, meeting Karen's gaze.

"I know that look. You just got over your fever. You can walk about your room if you want to."

"And outside the room?"

Karen tilted her head in understanding, "Dr. Wallace has recommended more movement in the next few days." Karen gently guided her away from the window, "A stroll around the room will do you some good. Come on."

Kate started to walk around trying to get the feel of her leg muscles again. A few more minutes passed and she tried stretching her arms and it was a task that seemed to cause her the most pain.

"How's your pain level today?" Karen asked with knowing eyes.

"No complaints."

"Detective Beckett, I'm not interrogating you. I'm your nurse. I"m not going to use the information you tell me against you and I won't tell Mr. Castle." Karen patted her hand.

"About a six."

"Was that so hard?" Karen helped her get into bed, making sure her feet were elevated, So...how are things with your 'partner' going?"

"You're relentless."

"Your romance with the famous writer keeps us lowly folk in good spirit."

"I don't have a romance going with Castle."

"Not yet."

"Not..." she wanted to say 'ever'. It was there on the tip of her tongue. Rolling around and almost out until it hit 'if only'. Then it stopped, retreated, leaving the air blank.

"All right, temperature time." Karen performed the task and beamed at the results, "Everything is looking great. Your fever hasn't come back." Karen looked down at her watch before giving Kate a smile.

"I know he asked you to stay. If you have other patients, go."

Karen put her hand on her hip, "Are you not enjoying my company? Is it because I can't juggle?"

Kate chuckled. Karen was a welcomed change at the moment.

"You know, you should count yourself lucky. GSW aside, that is."

"Really?'

"You could have been stuck with Nurse Mishap," Karen joked and then stopped. Her features scrunched up on her face, "Damn that man of yours and his catchy nick names."

"Castle's intended?"

"She has her britches in a bunch because she practically ruled this hospital and was the go-to nurse on all the high profile cases until Dr. Davidson came here."

"Really?"

"Yep. He is set to replace Dr. Wallace, who has so many skeletons in his closet everyone can get a piece of him."

Kate smiled, "Even you?"

"No comment."

They shared a knowing look before Karen continued, "Anyway, she can't sink her hooks into Dr. Davidson because he has no skeletons. It must be getting to her because she has started to slip up with her patients. I mean, who tells a terminally ill patient to 'go home and die in his bed, and that was the best we could all hope for'? Poor guy," Karen took a deep breath, "That's probably why she despises Mr. Castle so much. Another person who is trying to push her around."

"Still, I would like to meet the woman who is impervious to Castle's charm."

"Ah, so you admit you aren't?" Karen countered as she made her way over the Kate's 'get well' table.

Those pain meds made Kate step into things, almost kiss people, and say things that should remain hidden, "I didn't say that."

Karen wiggled her eyebrows, "Do you mind?" Karen pointed to some of the cards.

"No, go ahead."

Karen stopped at the black, plush teddy bear with a red heart over it's chest. "Cute." She held it up and waved it back and forth, squeezing it. "Feels like it is a voice recording one. I bet Mr. Castle recorded poetry. No! A love letter. No! Even better a-"

"It's not from him."

Karen chuckled, "Sorry, imagination running wild again." Karen picked up the card for the teddy bouquet and read it.

"Wow, it's always amazing what people think 'comforting' means."

"What does it say?"

The nurse cleared her throat, "There's a special providence in the fall of a-"

"-Breakfast has arrived!" Castle barged through the door with three beverages and an assortment of fruit, and what smelled like an omelette.

Karen put the card back behind the teddy and took the coffee he offered her, "You know your Fair Lady cannot have caffeine, right?"

"I read all of the recovery pamphlets three times and got her a peppermint tea."

Kate's face fell. God, she missed her coffee. "What's wrong with decaf?"

"I had this image of you drinking tea and reading one of my books. I couldn't resist. Decaf next time." Kate stared longingly at the cup in his hand. He just beamed at her, "You don't drink coffee and neither do I."

He put the tea and food trays down and leaned in towards her. Before she knew it his lips were on her cheek. A quick peck she could handle. He had done that before. This kiss on the cheek was different.

It lingered. Poured itself a cup of tea and slowly, longingly sipped.

He did the same thing the night he came back to reprieve Lanie. He kissed her forehead, and lingered. She didn't stop him then and she wasn't stopping him now; she found her self leaning into it. Placing her hand an his arm even to keep him there for a few extra beats. Pain meds, she chalked it all up to pain meds.

He pulled away and the twinkle that remained in his eye suggested he knew exactly what he was doing, "Good morning, Kate."

They heard a squeal and Karen tried to use her hand to suppress it.

"Is it too hot?" Castle said in reference to the coffee Karen was holding.

"And cute! You two are to much. I gotta go. I've got rounds. Oh and," she looked at Castle, "she needs to be up and walking more in the next couple of days. Doctors orders...and don't give me that look. She isn't Rapunzel."

Kate mouthed 'thank you' before Karen left the room.

Castle and Kate were alone once again.

He made his way around the bed to his usual chair right beside her side. He shoved aside the Patterson book she had almost finished and pushed one of his closer to her.

The writer got her breakfast ready and placed it before her. He was just about to cross the distance between the tea and her hand when his phone started to ring. He put the tea down and checked who it was. He quickly texted something and then stuffed the phone in his front pocket.

She narrowed her eyes.

"It was just, Alexis. They are going to stop by after she gets home from school, since they couldn't visit yesterday. Don't worry, Alexis is bringing more books for you since you have devoured almost every book here, except for mine."

"And there is nothing else you want to tell me?"

Rick regarded her for a second. Something was rolling around behind those sky blue eyes of his. A storm, "You look better today. Always stunning of course."

Her nostrils flared. Her jaw set. Her arms crossed.

"I will work on the walking thing. I promise."

"I talked to Ryan today."

That made his hand stop mid-movement of getting her tea again.

"That's...good."

"Is it?"

"Yes. I love talking to you, so I have no doubt they would."

"They seem to be busy out there. Following leads. Going through tunnels."

"Tunnels?"

"Yes. Tunnels."

Sky met the green plains that had been ablaze in a fever-fire the day before. Lightning crackled. Thunder boomed off in the distance. She was waiting. He was stalling. Collision was slowly becoming imminent. Neither of them budged.

"Give me my _tea_, Castle."

He held it out and she snatched it from him, "What did I do?"

"It's what you're not doing," she mumbled as she sipped her tea. With her spare hand she shoved his novel aside and picked up Patterson's instead.

* * *

><p>Karen sipped her coffee as she made her way down the hallway. She was going to miss the Detective and her writer when they did leave. Karen had a feeling that they were going to make it, though. If they didn't kill each other first.<p>

Karen rounded the corner and saw a flash of neon green come out of the medical supplies closet.

"What are you up to?" Karen said as she caught up to her fellow nurse, making Sam jump.

"Me? Nothing. I'm good." Sam put her hands quickly in her pockets.

They started to walk down the hall together, "So when do I get to meet Mrs. Smidtz's grandson?"

"Meet? Why would you want to meet him?"

"You finally get a boyfriend...he is your boyfriend, right?"

"He doesn't like labels."

"OK, you finally get a creepy non-labeled person, and you don't want to flaunt him in my face?"

A blush came to Sam's cheeks, "He's...sweet."

"And?"

"And what? He helps me with the elderly patients. We feed the birds together and last night we had dinner."

"Fancy or take out?"

"We ate dinner in the room with his grandfather and he told me all about his big plans. He just needs money to do it."

"Your first dinner was with a guy in a coma?"

"It was nice. He listens to me when I talk. He's interested in my work, the patients and even buys them gifts. No one has been interested in me in a long while. And let's face it, even if Dr. Davidson is a free agent, I doubt he would be interested in me."

Karen couldn't argue with Sam there, "I'm happy? Sure, lets go with that emotion...I'm happy you found someone, but you just met this guy."

"It was love at first sight."

Karen pinched the bridge of her nose is frustration, "So when do you get to meet Mrs. Smidtz? Since her grandson is the only family she has left, she would probably want to meet you."

"She's should be coming in soon. So until then he just wants to keep it between us."

Karen stopped her friend and faced her,"Do me a favor? Take it slow. I don't want to watch the nightly News and see your face under a 'missing' headline."

"I know what I'm doing. Don't worry. So," Sam ran her hands along her body, "how do I look for my lunch date?"

She looked like a giant neon green sign, "Well, he won't lose you in a crowd."

* * *

><p>"Knock-Knock. Are we decent?" Martha asked and then stopped at the sight of Kate right at the door, "Going somewhere?" Martha asked with a smile.<p>

"Ah..." Kate held a finger up to her mouth and then pointed to the bearded man, sleeping with a blanket almost pulled up over his face.

Kate backed away from the doorway as Martha, Jim (who was carrying a large duffle bag) and Alexis came in.

"I've been trying to get him to go home," Kate said as the three guests moved in closer around her, each giving her a hug, "But that's as far as he ever gets."

"Don't worry, he's better off here driving you crazy," Martha stated, taking off her gloves.

"The pacing would drive us nuts," Alexis added with longing.

Kate noted the girl looked tired and watched her stare at her Dad for a moment. The guilt started to set in. Before the detective could quell it, she felt someone touch her shoulder. She looked and saw her dad smiling at her.

"Hi, Dad."

"Hello, Sweetheart. Look at you, out of bed already."

"Still in this room though."

He gave her arm a squeeze, "Only a week left."

"Five days."

"Katie, a week is seven days."

"Five days and then I'll get to sleep in my own bed," Kate commented as she got back on her hospital bed, so it was easier to talk to them.

The three guests shared a looked before Jim gave Alexis a bit of a nudge with his elbow.

"Actually, we were wondering if you wanted to stay with us."

"Oh,uh,that is really sweet of you Alexis, but I don't want to disrupt your life like I already have."

"You're not a disruption Detective Beckett," Alexis said sincerely, "And your dad has been having a great time. Grams even got him to play the guitar."

Kate looked at her father, "It's been a while since..."

"There was reason to this time." Jim touched his daughter's hand giving it a squeeze.

She looked at Alexis again, "I'll think about coming to dinner if you start calling me Kate."

"Every night...Kate?" Alexis added with a pleading look.

"You are your father's daughter."

"Yes, I got his best qualities."

"You are his best quality."

"That much is true," Martha agreed. Jim just chuckled at the scene before him. It was so good to see Kate surrounded by family again.

"I'll get back to you on dinner, OK, Alexis?"

The young girl looked disappointed, but smiled with the grace that was beyond her years.

"Well, are you going to show what you brought?" Martha asked her granddaughter.

Alexis unzipped the duffle bag that Jim had brought in.

"I brought, movies, more books, and not just Dad's books. He wanted me to pack just his, but I slipped in a few more Patterson novels as well. Oh and," Alexis brought her hand up to her mouth, "Conrad is in the lower right corner. It will drive him crazy watching you read his book."

Kate beamed, "I think I will make him read them to me. Word for word."

"Even better," the young red-headed girl agreed. "And I brought you this," she pulled out an iPod.

"Oh, Alexis, I have one."

"I know, but I downloaded all the songs you might like. Dad kept texting me songs lists."

"More sing-alongs," Kate cringed causing Martha and Jim to suppress their laughter at her expression.

"Don't worry. I disregarded most of them," Alexis smiled back, "You have jazz, blues, classical, opera, and then your standard classic rock songs. And a few indie bands I thought you might like to listen to. You know, to drown out Dad when he tries to talk your ear off."

Kate glanced over at Castle again and noticed that his sleeping expression was a bit forced. "Yes, he does tend to talk on and on about things, doesn't he? Never knows the value of silence."

Martha started to smile, as did Alexis. Jim was a little lost so Kate bobbed her head towards the cot.

"So what else is in the bag?" Kate asked.

Alexis reached her hands in the bag and brought out a hat wrapped in a plastic cleaners bag, "I had it cleaned for you. I found your other glove, but they were both too...I can get you new ones so..."

Kate reached out and took it from the young blue-eyed girl. It looked brand new, "Thank you, Alexis." Kate ran her hand on the dark fabric until she came to a metal fitting. She glided her fingers of the number set of 41319, looping her index finger down the curve of the number nine before touching the brim. She remembered the first time she had tried it on, she felt like nothing could stop her. She wished she could feel that way again.

"I have to admit...I did try it on."

Kate had a bit of shocked expression, "Really?"

"Just wanted to see what it looked like," the young girl blushed.

"Well, would you mind trying it on again?" Alexis shook her head and stepped closer so Kate didn't have to reach far to place it on her head. Alexis looked stunning and adorable in it. Kate took her hands and ran Alexis' hair behind her ears, before giving the hat a tap on the top.

Alexis stood tall and proud, "How do I look?"

Kate beamed in response with a pride she had never felt before.

Kate looked over at the sleeping man in the corner and noticed that one of his eyes was partially open. She quickly glanced back at the young girl before her, "You can stop pretending you're asleep now, Castle. I know you are dying to take a picture," Kate said not taking her eyes of the young woman, before her.

Castle jumped up, throwing the blanket off, "That was torture." He dug in his pocket for his phone and started snapping some pictures, "And I have great taste in music, I love hearing you sing that's why I wanted the sing alongs and I don't talk your ear off either. OK, maybe I do, but you would be bored if I didn't. And we aren't reading Conrad word for word."

Castle held up his phone, "Alright, everyone squeeze in around Kate."

"Castle! Not of me! Take a picture of your daughter."

"I already did, now I want a group shot. Don't worry, you look beautiful."

Kate rolled her eyes, but she couldn't stop it since everyone had already done what he asked.

He snapped the photo and then Martha stepped forward.

"I want one of Richard with his beard. I will make copies so you can mock him, Kate."

"Thank you."

His hand moved to her shoulder and brushed her hair to the side. Daring, given the company. Then Rick moved closer to Kate's ear, close enough that she could feel the bristles of his beard, "I would have stopped you before you got into the hallway." His breath tickled her neck and ear. Awareness struck, lightning shot across the skies.

"Don't forget to say...beard!" Rick exclaimed before Kate could respond.

Martha couldn't stop herself from snapping a few more pictures when Richard rubbed his beard against Kate's cheek, causing the dark-haired woman to shove his face away from her. Alexis went into a fit of giggles along with Jim.

Her son seemed to be getting bolder. Taking a few more liberties that seemed to stun Kate briefly. Barriers were falling. Kate was trying to keep up with his advances, though small, each touch, look and whisper held significance. What was even more interesting, though, was that the detective wasn't throwing him out completely.

"Dinner should be arriving shortly, so I am going to get it. All of you are staying?"

"If it is alright with Kate." Martha stated.

"I would love a change of company." Kate shot the remark at Rick.

"You're lucky my hunger is rebounding all those zingers." Rick winked at her before heading to the door.

"I'll walk down with you," Alexis said as she caught up with her father at the door.

Rick gave a nod to Kate before leaving with his daughter, leaving Martha and Jim gazing at somewhat relieved Kate.

"How are you, really, Katie?"

Kate smiled politely, "Everything is ...fine."

Jim moved away to set up the chairs for dinner, leaving Martha to move in and brush Kate's long hair over her shoulder. Then Martha placed her hand there in understanding. Martha knew the young detective before her was strong, but she also knew that Kate was battling against too many things at once, and one of those things was her son. Kate looked up and gave her a soft smile.

"Hang in there, Kiddo. Hang in there."

* * *

><p>Dinner wasn't lively, but a lovely meal between loved ones. Conversation flowed and even Kate found herself starting to relax.<p>

"Before I forget, I made these for you," Alexis reached into the bag and pulled out a tin full of cookies.

"Are those?..." Kate trailed off as the heavenly scent of cinnamon, oatmeal and raisins filled the air.

"I gave Alexis the recipe. I hope you don't mind," Jim said reaching over and taking a cookie Alexis offered.

"Why would I mind?" Rick went to reach in to get one and she slapped his hand away. She bit into the baked good and the sweet, motherly sensations that she had in her youth rushed forward.

Elation and melancholy dashed across Kate's face, "Just as I remember them. Thank you Alexis."

"Can I try one now?" He whined. Kate rolled her eyes and gave him one. He bit into it immediately.

He made a groan and then looked at his daughter, "You definitely get your culinary skills from me. This is delicious. Do I taste...nutmeg?"

Kate savored the flavor for a moment, bringing back memories she had buried deep beneath a single event of twelve years ago, "'You can never go wrong with nutmeg,' was one of her many mottos."

Jim chuckled, "She had a million of those."

Castle gave her hand a squeeze. He didn't want her to stop. Kate always had a whimsical and child-like expression whenever she remembered a story from her past, before her mother was killed. "Did she bake them often?"

"Every Sunday. She would give us our assortment of breakfast choices and then she and I would bake these together so I would have them for school the next day."

"Jo did love to bake. It was her escape. Just as reading is yours," Jim said.

Kate looked up and allowed Castle's look to wash over her, "And writing would be yours."

"My escape? Writing and something else as well." He started to lean in, with a twinkle in his eye directed at her. She shoved another cookie in his mouth.

"I would say cooking is also Richard's escape. Since a very young age."

"Had an Easy Bake oven when you were little?" Kate asked Rick.

Rick puffed out his chest a bit, "As a matter of fact, I did."

"Until he ruined it," Martha slapped her glove against her son's chest, causing him to deflate in his stance.

"What happened, Dad? Did you try to 'tweak' it just like our toaster," Alexis looked at Kate and Jim, "I've never seen toast shoot that high before."

"No...but that is actually a good idea. Boosting the juice in one of those things would actually..."

"Focus, Castle."

"What happened to it?" Jim asked.

An odd look crossed Rick's face, "Nothing."

Martha gave a dramatic pause before adding, "Mud."

"Mud?" Alexis and Kate sat in unison.

"I really don't think anyone is interested in this particular story, Mother."

"Fair is fair," Kate stated.

"Even I haven't heard this one," Alexis said in astonishment.

Castle just shook his head, "Mine isn't nearly as interesting as yours," he directed his statement at Kate.

"Oh, now that's not true," Martha interjected, "When Richard was about eight or so he made mud and worm cookies."

"She doesn't want to hear-"

"I think we all do," Kate brought her lip between her teeth to keep herself from smiling as Rick gave his mother a 'please shut up' look.

"Well, I used to take him to the Central Park on my breaks, so he could stretch his legs. He was a chubby child."

"I hadn't hit my growth spurt yet," Castle said, defensively.

"One day I found him all scratched up, full of dirt and clutching a dead bird of all things. Richard was so upset that he wanted to make mud and worm cookies for all the birds in Central Park."

Alexis chuckled, "Awww, Dad that was so sweet."

"I was an adorable child," Rick said.

"I told him 'no' of course." Martha said.

"But he made them anyway," Kate looked at Castle and noticed that he wasn't exactly enjoying the story for some reason.

"The following day I woke up and there was worms and mud everywhere and not just in his Easy Bake oven."

Everyone laughed at Martha's facial expressions of disgust and how her fingers wiggled mimicking worm movements.

"Dad, you used actual worms?"

"No. Gummie worms and mud," Rick corrected. Kate was trying not to laugh at the image that had developed in her mind.

"Grams, is that the picture you have of him in the apron covered in dirt?" Alexis asked.

"There are pictures?" Kate's eyes danced in impish delight.

"I will give them to you of course," Martha stated.

Castle forced a smile, "There is no need to do that."

Martha ignored her son's protests, "He locked himself in his room, furious at me for not letting him destroy the kitchen any further. True to his dramatic flare, he spent days and days in his room, furiously working on something. I still don't know what it was exactly. It might have been an experiment? Or maybe it was one of his many forts?" Martha turned to her son, "What was it?"

"I don't remember," Rick stated quickly.

Martha continued, "Anyway, I knew then that he was either going to be a mad scientist, a mad chef or..."

Kate looked up and noticed a blush growing beneath the hair on his face, "A mad writer?"

"Bingo."

"You've been holding out on me, Castle...on a lot of things," Kate playfully slapped his arm, though even Martha noticed the thread of hurt behind Kate's eyes.

"Gummie worms and mud hardly compares to when you used to re-enact parts from Anne of Green Gables to your family."

Kate head swung towards her father and gave him a 'how could you look'.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. But you lying on your bed, pretending it was a boat, reciting 'Lady of Shalott' was not something I could just keep to myself."

"Don't worry, Kate. I used to dress up as Anne for Halloween all the time," Alexis sympathized.

As the room fell into an easy conversation about stories of Alexis growing up, Martha noticed that Kate kept checking her phone and kept giving Castle a death stare when he checked his.

For some reason Richard seemed to have the upper hand, that much she could tell at the moment. It unnerved Kate and any sort of intimacy seemed to be reflected back more so than accepted. Something was definitely brewing underneath the surface.

Martha looked at her watch, "It's getting late and I'm sure we have monopolized enough of your time," she said to Kate.

"How about a movie?" Alexis ask, trying not to sound overly desperate.

"How about Casablanca?" Rick suggested.

"Is that OK?" Alexis asked Kate, "If you're tired or-"

Kate understood Alexis' need to be with her father, since hers was standing right next to her and she didn't want him to leave just yet either. And the less time she was alone with Castle the better.

"It's one of my favorites." Kate said, prompting the girl to get the DVD.

"One of the best movies of all time," Rick waited a beat or two, "Though, every once in a while I think an alternative ending would have been nice."

Martha settled in the chair next to Jim again, "Richard, it is a classic. The ending was magnificent, heartbreaking, but magnificent."

"I would have to agree with Martha," Jim said sitting next to his daughter.

Rick looked at his own daughter for support.

"Sorry, Dad. But the ending is great the way it is," Alexis conceded, while she settled into her father's side across from her grandmother.

Bogart and Bergman performed their magic and the movie was nearing the end. Alexis had long since fallen asleep and Martha was regaling Jim with a few theatre stories. Rick took this opportunity to lean in towards Kate.

"I know you agree with me," Castle boldly whispered.

"About what?"

He gestured tot he screen, "The ending."

"And what brought you to that completely inaccurate conclusion."

He leaned his elbow on her bed, eyes locking with hers, "We both know that Ilsa should have gotten off that plane." His tone was light, his eyes were dark.

Kate looked down and saw that he had been holding her hand the entire time. It had become so natural that she didn't even notice it anymore. She needed to get the upper hand. She playfully lifted her lips upwards.

"You're right."

"So you agree with me?" Skies of blue flickered.

"No." Thunder rolled across green plains, "Ilsa would have been fine all on her own."

Rick leaned back and looked at Kate. Lightning streaked across skies of blue. The green earth held strong as did their playful expressions, even when his cell phone started to buzzed in his pocket.

"Maybe, but one thing is for certain."

Rick pulled it out of his pocket, trying to be discrete.

She caught a glimpse of Esposito's face as it came up on the screen before he quickly shoved it in his pocket, letting it go to voice mail.

Castle turned his gaze back to her. She tried to keep her tone even, "And that certainty would be?"

Their gazes locked.

"That Rick wouldn't have be fine without Ilsa."

Thunder. Lightning. Skies of blue threatening to meet the green earth were momentarily subdued by something far deeper that resided in both of them. They both knew it was the calm before the storm.

* * *

><p>Karen had just arrived on shift the next day when Dr. Wallace stopped her to talk about Detective Beckett. Prognosis was good, for the Detective, but her writer partner wasn't going to handle it too well. Karen walked passed the nurse's station and received a glare from Nurse Mishap. Karen smiled brightly in return and wished her a good day. She collected the Detective's chart and made her way down the hallway.<p>

Her pace slowed when she saw Sam and Mr. Smidtz's grandson off down an adjacent corridor. He pulled Sam into a near by alcove.

Karen edged along the side of the wall until she was within earshot.

"Soon this will all be over." His voice was deep and made the hairs on the back of Karen's neck stand on end.

"I couldn't have done this without you, Samantha."

"Oh, I didn't do much."

"You did everything that I asked and more."

Karen backed off a bit as they came out of the alcove, walking hand in hand down the hallway. She was about to follow but her pager stopped her.

Karen looked down and her eyes widened. She turned on her heel and ran down the hallway towards the Detective's room.

* * *

><p>Chapter 6 had a lot going on and not just for Kate and Castle. This is definitely the calm before the storm and since we are over half way in this story, it will all be explained soon. If you haven't seen <span>Casablanca<span> then I highly recommend it. It is probably the most perfect film every made. Can't go wrong with Bogart and Bergman. Oh, and for those of you who haven't seen it, Rick Blaine is Bogart's character and Ilsa Lund is Ingrid Bergman's character, who leaves with Lazlo but she is really in love with Rick Blaine. Ah, such a good film. I think I just spoiled it for you. Whoops.

For those of you who read, alerted or just favorited my story, I thank you. Of course I would love for you to drop a comment my way, but I understand if life is busy and you can't. So all I can hope for is that you are enjoying my work.

Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, it heartwarming to know that you have enjoyed my work. I have enjoyed all of your feedback immensely. I know my chapter lengths are quite long, but since I can only update once a week, I want to give all the readers something to sink your teeth into.

As always, you have my gratitude for simply reading my work. The next update will be by next Sunday.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	7. And Then it Poured

Chapter 7: And then it Poured

* * *

><p>The rain had started soon after midnight and hadn't stop. A light shower, like rose petal falling from a flower, would have been nice. Instead the rain came down in torrents and sounded like cherubs throwing pebbles from the heavens. Rick had a feeling they might be solely directed at him by the way they were hitting the tall windows of the waiting room.<p>

Rick wanted to live in the land of optimism for a while longer. He knew it was selfish, foolish even, to try and keep her located in her room. Resentment was building. What really worried him was if she was ready. Her sleeps were fitful and he'd never known Kate Beckett to be afraid of anything until now. He couldn't blame her. Fear had seized his heart and mind just as much.

It controlled his movements, his conversations and though it wasn't invited it had been ignited to an extreme by the conversation Rick had with Josh a few days ago. It wasn't that there was more at stake; it was that the exploration of what could be was on the line.

* * *

><p><em><strong>3 days prior<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Dr. Josh Davidson sat across from Castle for the last ten minutes nursing his coffee cup between his hands. They became acutely aware that in another life that they probably would have dueled.<em>

_"I wouldn't blame you."_

_Josh raised an eyebrow._

_"If you're going to do it, I vote face. A black eye will make me look more butch."_

_Josh leaned back in his chair in consideration, "The thought crossed my mind on more than one occasion." It was there: that baser human emotional that jealousy taunted. They were taking the gentleman's route due to circumstance._

_"For the record, nothing happened."_

_"You aren't in love with her?"_

_"Beckett and I are just...partners."_

_Another sip of the warm liquid hit Josh's mouth. "Did Kate ever tell you how we met?"_

_Castle shifted in his seat, "Beckett isn't very forthcoming about her personal life."_

_Josh chuckled in agreement. "It was through Lanie, last summer. It was a blind date but neither of us showed for our first meeting or our second because of work. I thought it wasn't even going to happen."_

_"Obviously it did," Castle interjected._

_"She was at this hospital to interview an eye witness who I had just operated on. She walked towards me, shook my hand. As she introduced herself and I actually stuttered when I said my name and then she smiled..."_

_"And she had you."_

_"Instantly," Josh stated._

_"I know the feeling," Castle mumbled._

_"After she interviewed her witness she left and I thought that was it. She never indicated otherwise. When I got off shift she was waiting for me and we had our first cup of coffee here in this cafeteria."_

_Castle looked down at the table and then back at Josh._

_"This very table."_

_Castle looked down at the coffee Josh had gotten him and then back at Josh._

_"I didn't drug your coffee."_

_Castle gave a nervous smile, "No...I wasn't thinking that. But I don't know if you should be telling me this."_

_Josh didn't give any indication of stopping, "Things were good until there was a shift last fall."_

_Castle knew the timing wasn't coincidence._

_"She had mentioned you. Said you were just a writer who had followed her around as research for your books. Kate told me your research was over and that you were gone. Kate never told me you had come back. I was shocked when I showed up and saw you there. You had been back for a while and had no idea who I was."_

_"It was mutual shock. Especially when I found out you were a doctor, owned a bike and probably saved puppies on the weekend."_

_"Puppies and kittens, actually."_

_In another life, maybe they could have been great friends._

_"Months rolled on. We worked long hours, saw each other when we could. Eventually I wanted to head back to Africa, specifically Darfur and the Congo regions to help out. I thought nothing of it. I had gone before and she had been supportive and she worked just has hard and as much as I did. That's why I thought the relationship worked so well."_

_Castle remembered his conversation with Kate after they thought they were exposed to high levels of radiation. "She wanted more."_

_Josh gave a wry smile, "I don't think she realized it wasn't from me."_

_Castle blinked; he didn't want to fathom that this could possibly turn into a story that he might actually like._

_"I was in the airport, waiting for my flight. Kate and I just had an argument over the phone. We left things...not the way you should leave things. I was walking by and I bought it on a whim. I couldn't put it down," Josh said in disbelief._

_"What?"_

_"Heat Wave."_

_"Fictional. 100% fictional. About 75% actually, there's some truth, but not every scene," Castle defended._

_"I couldn't put it down because for the first time I was seeing Kate through your eyes." There was a sadness in his words. A lament that still lingered. A 'Kate lament' that Castle knew all too well._

_"Nikki Heat isn't Kate."_

_"No, of course not. But I never knew that part of her life. It's like I was meeting her for the first time. I realized that you knew more about her than I did."_

_"That's why you stayed?" Castle asked._

_"I wanted to know her and not just the her that she wanted me to see."_

_Castle thought about how long it had taken him to find out all the little things that made Kate completely magical and tangible. The journey wasn't over, and he never wanted it to be. "She's good at that. Helluhva poker face."_

_"She's exceptional at that. Almost too good," Josh finished the last of his coffee. Castle waited, needing to hear the ending to this._

_"I came back and I couldn't get a hold of her. Ryan and Esposito phoned me looking for Beckett and we knew something was wrong, thanks to your daughter as well."_

_Josh paused and it seemed like they both were reliving that night when they both almost lost the woman they love._

_"She asked for you," Josh said it so quietly that Castle almost didn't hear him._

_"Me?"_

_"First word out of her mouth when she woke up in the ambulance, and...it was the first word that she said when she woke up from her surgery."_

_They shared a look. There was an apology there in Josh's eyes and Castle accepted it. Rick probably would have done the same if things had been reversed._

_"But you're still together. I know I'm stepping on a few toes by being here."_

_"You do step on toes. Some of the stories she told me...when you called in the middle of the night for her to meet you at the Old Haunt. She came back animated and called you her Indiana Jones," he said it with a tone of revelation instead accusation, "It always seemed like she had one foot out the door and at first, I thought it was just you that was holding us back."_

_"It wasn't?" Castle said, astonished._

_"When you and Kate went to LA to visit the movie set, I was able to get her Super to let me into her apartment. To surprise her when she got back. Dinner...flowers..."_

_"The usual," Castle nodded, knowing he had done it many times before with other women._

_"That's when I found who else I was competing with."_

_"Beckett had a guy in her apartment? Was he in handcuffs and leather?"_

_Josh chuckled, "No..." he sobered quickly, "but the ghost of her mother was there."_

_A chill of truth settled between them._

_"She mentioned her mother had died, but I had no idea that she had been murdered. We dated for almost nine months and she never once mentioned anything about it."_

_Castle latched onto the word 'dated'. He replayed it over in his mind noting the 'ed'._

_"When she got back from L.A., I was there waiting and she was happy to see me, but it didn't feel right. It wasn't the happy that we both deserved. We argued about a lot of things."_

_"Me?"_

_"A lot of things," Josh said, "By the end of it I realized something."_

_"That she can completely stare you down and make you want to form the fetal position?"_

_Josh ran his hand through his hair and nodded. "That and I never pried."_

_"Beckett doesn't like that, so it was probably a good thing."_

_"You did. You do. Everyday, even now."_

_Castle rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm sorry."_

_Josh looked up, "For?"_

_"I wasn't exactly supportive of your relationship with her. I may have resorted to name calling."_

_Josh's lips twitched. "Dr. Motorcycle Boy?"_

_Castle's brow wrinkled in amazement. "She told you?"_

_"It slipped out in the argument."_

_"I will refrain from smiling."_

_"I'd appreciate that."_

_They both looked down at their empty coffee cups before Josh broke the silence, "I'm not in the picture anymore. We're friends, but we aren't together."_

_Castle resisted the urge to ask Josh to pinch his arm. She had been single for a while. They both had. Time lost? Maybe. Regrets? They were adding up. "I wish she would have told me," Castle said more to the Universe instead to Josh._

_"I thought she had. Hell, I thought you two were together until Lanie told me. I talked to Kate a few days after her surgery and she asked me not to tell you."_

_"Why did you?"_

_"She'll try to do this on her own. Stubborn until the end. I don't know what the extent of 'this' is but I know she is going to need someone who won't give up. Her recovery is going to be painful, long, and I can't be there."_

_Josh got up as did Castle. Josh put out his hand and Rick extended the same courtesy._

_"Take care of her and don't let her push you away."_

_"I won't."_

_"And don't invite me to the wedding."_

_"I haven't even proposed yet."_

_Josh smiled at Castle's expression upon saying 'yet'._

_Josh let go of Castle's hand and was stepping away before he added, "Don't tell her I told you. She's still recovering and..."_

_"And?"_

_"Even in her state, she would have excellent aim."_

_Castle grinned as Josh left the cafeteria._

* * *

><p>The rain hit the windows as Castle walked back to Beckett's room, hands full of their delivered breakfast. Josh's conversation replayed in his mind. Kate was single. Rick was single. It should have been perfect timing and yet it all seemed to be falling apart. Rick wanted this to work, almost too much. He wish his phone would buzz in his front pocket and that it would be Ryan or Esposito with good news. Kate needed good new not any more disappointment.<p>

Rick nodded to the security detail, who he had talked to earlier, and then started to open the door as quietly as he could, so he didn't wake her.

Rick's body reacted first and then his mind registered what was happening and everything melted as the door quietly closed so the sound filling the room wouldn't escape.

Humming. Deep and robust. Rick didn't know the melancholy tune. He didn't have to. It made his feet move towards it like a siren song.

With his ears occupied, his eyes weren't about to be left out. His gaze moved from the bed to a pair of black yoga pants fitted over long legs. Blue eyes travelled heavenward and hit a creamy expanse against the backdrop of closed curtains.

Kate's hair was cascading down her back in waves, resting almost in the middle of her shoulder blades, making it seem like dark coffee was trying to mix with cream. Each muscle flexed, slowly, luminously, as her contours became more defined. Her back twisted then, giving it a long angled line that made his eyes travel all the way up her shoulder blade and right into her eyes. Eyes? Eyes!

"Castle!" She ducked down, glaring at him over the edge of the bed.

"I-uh..."

"Turn around!"

Castle closed his eyes up tight instead, but couldn't move.

"Get out!" Kate yelled. He could hear her scrambling for her shirt.

"Right, I'm sorry...I just, you were asleep and you usually change in the bathroom."

"This is my room, I thought I was safe!"

Rick tried to back up towards the door. The image of her bare skin kept replaying over his mind and he hit the wall beside the door, spilling one of the decaf coffees all over the front of his shirt.

"Oh hot, HOT!"

"Castle!"

"I think I burned all my chest hairs off!"

He leaned forward, almost like he was bowing, so the hot coffee wouldn't go down his pants.

He felt the food being taken from him. Leaving him with the other beverage.

Rick opened his eyes and saw Johanna's necklace swaying back and forth against a dark hoodie. Rick's eyes sprang upwards to witness her face, adored with an unimpressed look. He smiled and extended the coffee that was left.

"Coffee?" he moved it a bit farther towards her in apology, "It's decaf?" She turned towards the table after snatching from his hands.

"Did you talk to my detail today?"

"Yes, they are doing a sweep of the area and then you're good to go. If you are feeling up to it that is."

The detective paused just enough to confirm his suspicions, "I think I can manage."

Rick gave her a soft smile. Her cheeks were rosy. Her eyes were brighter, still laced with pain, though. They were going to be that way for at least six weeks. Each breath she took he knew was painful. It made him want to sweep her into his arms to try and make it better.

"You look great today," his lopsided grin intact.

Her eyes did the usual roll. "Liar."

"Prove it," he challenged and regretted it immediately when her eyes flashed, 'challenge accepted'.

"I-uh...I'm going to go in the bathroom and change."

"Sorry, you don't get that luxury."

He paused. "I knew you were dying to see me with my clothes off."

"Who says I want to look?" Kate questioned.

"Would you?"

"Why would my eyes ever leave that stunning beard of yours."

He ran his hand over it. He never could grow a full on beard, but it wasn't as sparse as it usually was. He just couldn't bring himself to shave it, only trim it. He hadn't shaved it since he found out she was stable and he had no plans on jinxing it now. Silly, yes. But he was clinging onto everything he could right about now.

"I might keep it for a while."

"It does cover up your face."

"Just for that, I'm not inviting you to my cabin, that I'm going to build, by hand, after I chop down my own trees."

He went over to where his cot was and got a replacement shirt. He gave a quick look to where she was sitting at the table, beside the window. His fair detective didn't seem to be looking, which was depressing. Just as his eyes peeked through the neck line he saw her head quickly turn back towards the window.

Castle grinned as he made his way over to her, finally noticing that the room had been changed. The table, chairs, most of the flowers and teddy bear had all been moved.

"Kate, you're not supposed to lift over five pounds and you are supposed to be up for more than ten minutes upon the hours."

"Dr. Wallace and I both speak English fluently."

Rick wasn't convinced.

"I slid it," she said with a shrug as she started to eat her breakfast.

He moved to the other side of the table and noticed it was a very tight fit between the table and the wall. He sat down and suddenly felt that he was Jack in the Giant's house. Rick was sitting in the shortest chair that was in the room. He looked up and she had given herself the tallest chair, placing a pillow in the seat for more height. The writer's back was to the wall as well, while she had the whole room behind her.

Kate reached over and turned on the light until it was almost glaring in his eyes.

"Moved the lamp to?"

She raised her brow just enough to indicate the statement of 'obviously'.

"It's...cozy." And all it was missing was a double sided mirror.

They started eating in silence. It wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be, however, the cold draft he was getting from her shoulder made the silence unbearable. He decided that he would just do a blanket apology and see if that worked instead of getting into specifics.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

"About what?"

"Whatever made you upset."

"The list is long."

He took a deep breath, "I know you wanted to sleep after _Casablanca_ ended but Alexis has me wrapped around her little finger so another movie sort of just happened."

A warm expression settled into her features at the sound of his daughter's name, "She misses you, Castle."

"Alexis is fine."

"She hasn't been sleeping."

"A lot has happened. I phone her every night and morning to make sure she is OK. She told me about the nightmares she had been having when we went to go get dinner last night. She says she can handle it and I will be there for her if she really needs me. Until then, I am right where I need to be."

She shook her head, "It's not he same."

"Well, then how about she comes here every night?"

"Or the simplest answer would be for you to go home."

"You'd miss me."

Her eyes were calm; her lips were even, and her face was relaxed. "No, I wouldn't."

"You don't always have to sound so definitive about it."

He took a few bites of his omelette. She watched him the entire time.

"What else?"

Her questioned made him start to fiddle with his plastic fork. "Oh, um...I'm sorry for grilling your dad for stories about your childhood." He smiled. That had been a source of contention, "Same goes for you."

"Me?" Kate questioned.

"I know you just encouraged Mother to get back at me."

"Oh, so it's OK for you to pry into my childhood but I can't do the same?"

"No, well..." She had him there.

"I thought it was sweet," she said quietly before adding, "It's just like you to go to ridiculous lengths to make people or even birds feel better."

"Mother only knows the ending of that story, so it's not so sweet."

"What's the whole story?" Kate asked.

"Chalk it up to 'boys will be boys'," he noticed her disappointed look, "But let's focus on the fact that clearly my not-so-ridiculous lengths are making you feel better."

"I have a high tolerance for things that annoy me."

"Ah, at least you acknowledge my existence more this morning than last night. Didn't know your shoulder could get that cold."

He thought he'd pushed too far until the corner of her mouth quirked upward.

"Keep working on that list."

"I'm sorry for walking in on you changing? It won't happen again unless you want it to of course."

She hesitated and used her coffee cup to cover what he wanted to be her smile. "I won't," she said calmly.

"You say that now, but an Apocalypse might happen and we have to suffer each others company to repopulate the Earth."

"The human species is doomed then."

Kate put down her drink and leaned forward, staring. He tried staring right back. It was working until the fork, he had been fiddling with, shot across the room.

"Why don't you tell me what I did? It might make this easier," Rick suggested, hoping he could block her inquisitive advances.

"I'm enjoying watching you squirm."

"I'm not squirming."

"You don't think I can make you squirm?"

"I say we test that theory. Clothing optional."

She got up and walked around the table and leaned against the edge. Her movements were still slow, pain lingered, but her look made him sit up a little straighter. Her long brown hair fell down, framing her face, casting shadows across her now supple lips and deep emerald eyes. His feet started to tap against the floor. Rick could feel beads of sweat threatening to form from the light shining on his face. His mind started to race. Panic ensued, making words tumble out.

"I...I'm sorry I talked to Josh."

Her face fell, "When?"

"Not recently."

"But you talked to him?"

"Yes."

"About?"

His eyes darted to the left, "Puppies."

"Puppies?"

His eyes darted back to the right, "And kittens. We talked about nothing else, except you...not you and him 'you', just you and your recovery."

She crossed her arms, wincing as she did it, "Why are talking to Josh about that?"

He saw the open door and took it, "Why wouldn't I? You two are together? Aren't you?"

"How is that your business?"

"It's not." That door just slammed shut, "Let's move on."

Kate moved closer to him until her leg was touching his. It was warm, long and his eyes traveled up it and met her eyes. Hawk like in precision, she was zeroing in. He was the target. Rick wondered when he last updated his will.

"Why don't you tell me about your phone calls with Ryan and Esposito."

"My whaaaat? Phone calls?"

"What did you talk about?"

"Nothing in particular."

"Then you won't mind sharing."

He shrugged his shoulders, trying to remain indifferent, "Just this and that."

"Manny-petties?"

"Man stuff. It's highly sensitive. Bro code."

"You expect me to believe that?"

He hoped like hell she would and decided to throw up a counter block.

"Quid pro quo...what did you and Lanie talk about? After you had a pillow fight in your underwear."

"You."

"Me?" Castle asked, pointing to his chest.

Kate nodded.

"What did you talk about first? My winning personality, or my dashing good looks?"

"None of the above."

"My books?"

Her features reveled in epiphany, "Yes, let's talk about those."

Rick's eyes shot to the bedside table where one of his books was, "You want me to read you Heat Wave? I can skip to the intimate parts."

She glared at him.

"Maybe later," he mumbled.

Rick brought his hands up to the table and starting to tap his fingers. He wasn't going to crack. He could do this. Beckett wasn't at her full strength. All he had to do was not meet her gaze anymore. Focus on the brown table top, which was rather ugly and nothing compared to the flecks of golden brown the mingled with the evergreen color of her eyes. He looked up. Damn.

She stood and leaned over him, "Is it true of false that in your books you pay attention to detail?"

He gulped, "True."

"So knowing details is important to you?"

"Yes."

Their faces were inches apart, "Then why in the hell would you not extend that same courtesy to me?"

"You want me to know the details of my books? Done. Can I go now?"

"I want to know all the details pertaining to my case."

Mayday. MAYDAY!

"Castle..." she warned.

Rick ran his finger in a circle on the table, "No details come to mind."

She slapped her hand down on his, stopping the circular motion, "Dig a little deeper."

He looked up at her, "How deep?"

"It's pretty shallow in there," she gestured to his head, "So you won't have to go far."

She was moving in for the kill. He sensed it. Her eyes were hypnotizing. He couldn't move. A snake to it's charmer. One last, pitiful attempt fell out of his mouth.

"Lanie told me about the sponge bath. My imagination hasn't quite finished running every scenario to that."

"That's all it takes. The mere mention of two women in proximity to water?"

"Lanie isn't necessary, nor is the water."

She quickly grabbed his ear, causing both of them to wince in pain. Kate held on, grinding her teeth in the process.

"That was a compliment!" He yelled through clenched teeth, before mumbling 'apples' repeatedly.

Kate's gripped tightened as much as her body would allow, until he was he slid his chair right against the wall.

"Would it help if I said that you were fully clothed?"

She let go of his ear. Her face starting to go pale. "Was I?"

"I can't answer that without incriminating myself."

"You're pleading the fifth? You aren't on trial."

"Then why do I feel I should call my lawyer?"

"Fine. Mr. Castle," she took another step towards him, he got up out of his chair and was against the wall. "Over the past four days you, Detective Ryan and Detective Esposito were conversing about what, exactly?"

Rick's eyes went wide in realization. She didn't have proof yet. Beckett always needed proof of some kind. He had to hold strong, "Nurse Mishap was bending over and well, what can I say. It made me giddy and I had to share."

She took a deep breath and reached her hand up. The blue-eyed writer closed his eyes, preparing for her hand clamping down on his ear.

He waited.

It didn't come.

Instead, Rick felt her hand on the side of his cheek. His eyes flew open and found that she was searching his face. A lie for love was the story playing on his features. She watched it in fascination and contempt. Kate was weighing her options. He didn't know what to think or what to do so he just stood there until she leaned in. Closer and closer until he could feel her breath on his cheek all the way along to the ear she had grabbed only moments before.

"Castle?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" He wasn't sure if the words actually traveled from his brain to his mouth.

"Thank you for breakfast."

Her melodic voice wafted down and thumped wonderfully against his eardrum. Kate moved until her lips hovering over his cheek. Instinctively, he placed his hands on her hips causing her to take a short breath of excitement.

Rick waited.

She lingered.

The rain hit against the window, demanding to be let in as her supple lips sunk against the bristles of his cheek. It was brief, and meant as a 'thank you'. Rick wanted more. Just a taste of sublime. He felt her pulling away and he turned his head until he felt his lips touch her silken cheek and then her lips.

Kate jerked her mouth away. Her eyes were clouded. Unreadable because there wasn't just one emotion flying in her eyes. Kate's hands hovered above his arms. He expected her to push him away. If he was stronger he would have moved away. Rick wasn't. Not now. Especially when her hands started to move up his arms. That's all he needed.

Rick swooped down applying his lips to hers once again. Soft and gentle as a nestling learning to move. Lips moved to a pressure and release, fledgling about, begging her to return it in kind. Give him some sign that he wasn't alone in this.

Rick was just about to pull away when her lips moved against his.

Then inferno.

A Phoenix rising from the ashes of regret, longing, lies and pain. Something new. Something free that had her hands wrapping around his back hoping for more ignition. She tasted like a blissful fluttering of a pastoral setting, merging from green and blue into reds and orange.

He touched her arms, her neck and made his way up to her face. Rick's fingers were feather light, tracing her jaw. His thumbs traced along her cheeks, learning their structure as both of their mouths angled for more access. It wasn't enough for either of them. Kate's arms pulled him closer causing one of his hands to find its way down around her back. The other captured wisps and bunches of her chestnut waves, nesting in its temporary home. Her response was quick, intimate and bold causing their kiss to sink deeper until embers threatened to burn them both.

Whatever it was, passion, anger, fear, exploration or love, it soared, swayed and suckled as the rain smashed against the window, yearning to douse the fire raging inside.

Rick couldn't recall a single thought of reality until he heard her moan change. It was halfway between elation and agony now. He realized that her fingers were digging into his back trying to release some the pain into his body.

Kate broke away soon after, releasing an exhale of pain with each ragged breath. She collapsed against him and he against the wall. Kate's hands clamped down on his arms for support. Rick tried to move his arms around her frame, cradling her, but reality finally caught up completely.

Kate stumbled back, still gasping for air, trying to quell the pain that she was no doubt feeling. Guilt set into his bones.

"Kate...I'm sorry."

Kate looked at him. Her lips were red, her eyes wavered with residual passion and impending accusation. She had one hand on the table for support and one hand behind her back, "For what?"

This was his last chance. Rick knew that and yet all the words he thought he had failed him. What seemed so simple to say to her when she was dying in his arms, seemed to strangle his chest, insisting that now was not the time to repeat those words.

Nothing else was said. Kate walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

* * *

><p>Rick stayed where she had left him. Minutes had ticked on. At least twenty or so. The rain was coming down in torrents and slapping against the window even more now, demanding some sort of payment he didn't have.<p>

He needed Ryan and Esposito to phone him with substantial news. Then he would tell her everything because he didn't want that kiss with her to be their last.

He glanced back at the bathroom door before reaching for his pocket for his phone. His hands fell upon his thigh noting the emptiness of the jean pocket. His eyes shot about the room and then finally at the bathroom door. Realization set into him like a stone to water.

Kate had found her evidence. He brought his fingers up to his lips. Had it all been a ruse? He wasn't sure.

A few moments ticked on and any idea of fleeing was nonexistent. He would make his stand here.

Rick didn't move as she slowly opened the door. Eyes ablaze, features sharp, ready for battle. Kate walked towards him and slammed the phone against his chest before going in search of her coat.

"What are you doing?" Rick finally asked.

"I'm getting out of here to go find my gun."

"Your gun?"

She shot him a look, "I'm going to shoot some sense into you."

"Wouldn't that shoot it out of me?" Rick tried to cling onto the lightness. Stay optimistic when clearly the glass had nothing in it at the moment.

Kate took a cleansing, ragged breath. "This is my case. Mine." Her words roiled up between the two of them.

"I know that." Was the only thing he could manage to say.

"Do you? Do you also know that Ryan and Esposito are mine as well?"

"Hey, if this is a custody thing then I get them on weekends."

"Castle..."

"Fine. Every other weekend and Christmas. Ryan's face always lights up when he leaves cookies out for Santa."

She let out a frustrated groan and instead of putting her coat on she moved to his suitcase, flung it open and started stuffing things in it.

"I was going to tell you." He kept throwing the stuff out that she was trying to pack.

She started to shake her head. "I thought we were partners."

"We _are_," he emphasized.

"Then start acting like it!" She yelled back, "I shouldn't have to threaten Esposito and Ryan with a lifetime supply of paperwork to know that they are investigating the last lead they have to my case."

"What did you want me to do? Help you create a murder board in the hospital room?" He asked and looked at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"Yes."

"Working your own case is not what you need."

She swung to face him, "What I need is for you to stop thinking you know what is best. Because you don't. One minute you're lying to me and the next minute you're kissing me. You are making it worse!"

He felt his anger rising, at her, at himself, and this whole situation. "This is your safety we're talking about. You have bigger stuff, like your recovery, to worry about."

Cold. Ice. Frigid. The inferno that was before was once again dormant.

"Nothing is more important than this! We find this guy and maybe, just maybe we have a new lead behind who is behind all of this. Find the person who ordered my mother's death."

Her words hit him like molasses. Sticking to all the wrong places and making it hard as hell for him to get to her.

Rick's voice went low, almost menacing, "The more you know the more you run towards it. How many bullets do you have to take before you realize that this is not worth your life?"

Tears brimmed, threatening to fall just as much as the rain outside, "She was my mom! Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could hear her voice and have her tell me everything will be OK. I don' t have that. It was taken from me. Why can't you see that?"

Rick moved quickly and grabbed her by her upper arms, feeling his own eyes brimming with tears, "Your life is more than that one moment. That one, truly awful moment. Why can't you see that?"

Rick felt some of the fight go out of her, her physical exhaustion was taking over, "Let go of me. Now." It was more pleading than demanding.

Rick stood his ground. "You are scared Kate. That's why you stood for ten minutes with your hand on the door before my mother came in last night. That why you aren't running out the door right now. I'm scared too. I'm not going to deny that I want you to stay in this room to keep you safe because I almost saw your lights go out. Yours. There was so much blood and you went limp in my arms and I never want to feel that way again!"

She struggled against him, pain searing across her features along with trails of wetness down her cheeks, "I'm a cop! It will probably happen again, Castle and if you can't stand by my side then get out! Now!"

"What the are you two doing?"

Rick and Kate's gazes swung towards the doorway and saw a flabbergasted expression on Karen's face.

"I got a page and came running! I could hear you all the way down the hall!" Karen yelled from the door.

Rick let go of Kate and they stepped away from each other. Kate used the bed to brace herself and Karen rushed forward at her distress.

"Mr. Castle I need you to leave, now." Karen said and then directed her attention to Kate, "I need you to get in bed and elevate your feet immediately."

The detective and writer stared each other down, neither one of them listening to Karen. The nurse exhaled in frustration, before looking at Castle, "I will stay with her. I promise. Just...get some air."

Castle looked at Kate again, "We are more than partners, Kate. We came from 'apples' to 'always' and I'm not backing down."

"Neither am I," Kate stated with a choppy breath.

He moved towards the door, "I'm going to be right outside."

Castle was reaching for the door handle when it flung open, making him stumble back. Suddenly the room filled with one of Kate's protective detail.

"I need all of you to stay in here. We just got word that your shooter is on his way."

* * *

><p>I hope you don't mind an earlier update. I won't be able to update this weekend due to travel, so I thought an earlier chapter would be better. Another update will happened next week.<p>

A lot happened in this chapter, huh? Like the title said, 'and then it poured'. I bet you thought I forgot about the Josh/Castle convo. Nope, just had to delay it a chapter so it was from Rick's P.O.V. So...did you like the kiss? Did you like the fight? Was it so awful you want to light this chapter on fire? I would love to hear your thoughts, critiques, opinions. All are welcomed.

Thank to all of you who have reviewed, read, alerted or favored this story. You have my gratitude.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	8. Bittersweet Choices

Chapter 8: Bittersweet Choices

* * *

><p>Kate curled her fingers in front of her mouth as the rain continued to roll down in torrents from the sky. A part of her wanted to reach out beyond the glass and allow the rain to wash away the guilt, fear, and hope that had ensnared her. Maybe it would wash away the sensations left by the man standing next to her as well.<p>

Kate felt Rick's intense gaze and, along with her exhausted body, she fought the urge to feel his arms around her once again.

"They're fine," Castle said quietly, referring to Esposito and Ryan, "Karen went to meet them in emergency." Kate could almost feel his hand touch her back before he recoiled it.

Kate watched her reflection coming in and out of focus. Her lips looked the same, but they tingled in remembrance. Dark circles cupped her eyes, wishing her eyelids would fall. Any notion of rest would have to wait since her protective detail did not know much, except that Detective Anderson had been shot at the scene while Ryan, Esposito and Carson ended up in a shoot out that resulted in taking down the man who had put a bullet in her chest.

"If Karen comes back and finds you out of bed she will sedate you. And me for that matter." This time he did dare touch her back. It was intended for comfort, but that was not how her body responded. She knew beyond repose that if her body hadn't been exhausted that she would have taken their to the point of no return. For now barricades and distance were needed.

"Karen also told you to sit quietly in the corner and look adorable." She felt his hand apply pressure to her back and she couldn't help but lean into it for a moment.

"I don't need to be in a corner to look adorable."

It annoyed her to no end that those little quips brought a brief respite to thick anxiety weighing inside her stomach.

"You don't need to stand next to me to do it either."

Rick didn't move away. Instead, he positioned his body so he could see her face better.

"I think you're adorable too."

Kate closed her eyes, taking another brief respite at his words, before she urged her feet to move a few paces away from him.

"You aren't helping." He was making everything worse. Better. Both. Neither.

He sighed and crossed his arms, leaning his shoulder against the window. "Until we know the condition he is in, I'm not allowed to leave."

"He was shot three times, Castle. He's not going to come and find me. He might not even be alive," Kate said the last part quietly, as she clung onto the only hope she could find at the moment.

"He could be a zombie, so it's best that I stay here."

It was just like him to try and make her smile given this sort of situation. They had fought before, but not like this. Things were said and most of them were true. Did it change anything? She didn't know anymore. What she did know was that she didn't trust herself to be near him. She had gotten a bit more than a taste and if she wasn't careful it would form into a full blown addiction.

"About before-" Castle started to say.

"-We don't need to discuss that."

"Kate, we-"

"-It was just a ruse."

"The argument?"

"No. That was real." A little too real.

"I may have...over stepped."

She folded her arms across her chest and looked directly at him. "Is that understatement supposed to be an apology?"

"I'm not apologizing. Unless you are willing to do the same." There wasn't much bravado in his voice.

Kate's eyes fell wide at his audacity. "The only thing I'm sorry for is allowing it to go that far."

"You mean the kiss 'far' or when you tried to kick me out 'far'?"

"I chalk the former up to pain mends and the latter to me coming to my senses."

"Funny, I think you have that reversed."

"If you aren't going to apologize then I suggest you just sit in your corner and work on your mime act."

Castle moved closer to her and waited for her to look at him. She relented and was met with sky-blue eyes that were full of sincerity, "I'm...sorry."

"For?"

"For..."

"You are horrible at this."

"Because I was trying to do what was best for you."

"You mean what was best for you."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Best of intentions, Castle."

"At least you don't doubt my intentions."

Which ones? There were about twenty of them swooping across his blue eyes in gangs of emotion. He was confused, a little less than she, but still confused.

"Are you still going to kick me out?"

"Yes." The more distance the better since her body was already responding to his proximity. "We just need things to go back to normal."

"And what if I don't want normal?" he asked.

"You don't know what you want."

Their gazes collided. Rain hit the window. "I have a fairly good idea." It was there in his eyes and the way he stood before her. Was it that easy? No, it couldn't be.

Draw the line. Barricades, she needed barricades. "Then you're delusional," said Kate, trying to keep the momentum going. She almost had him back at a comfortable distance.

"I'd rather be delusional than in denial."

"You're both. Does that help?"

He leaned in towards her, "Whether it was delusions or denial, it was more than just a ruse. Just like the first one was more than just undercover work."

His eyes grew dark with something other than anger. Kate was just about to respond when Karen's voice filled the room.

"I bring you gifts and look what I get in return? You are out bed and you are out of your corner! And arguing. Again!"

Ryan and Esposito soon followed looking like they had gone a few rounds with Death themselves.

"Are you two alright?" Kate asked.

Esposito touched his arm which was in a sling. "Yeah, Ryan here dodged a few bullets, but couldn't dodge a few punches. Go figure."

Ryan tried to down play his black eye and gash on his forehead. "You're one to talk. You and Anderson were cuddling quite nicely on the bottom of that stair case when I got there."

Dark humor seemed to quell as the room fell silent. Everyone was looking at Karen.

Karen looked about the room and then rolled her eyes, "Message received. I have to go and get your next round of medication Detective Beckett, since you look like you are going to topple over any second."

Karen moved towards the door, "When I get back, you," she turned and pointed to Kate, "Will be resting comfortably in bed and you," she pointed to Castle, "will not, I repeat NOT, agitate her in anyway. And I'm sorry, that includes anything that would increase her heart rate," Karen gave Castle a knowing look.

"Noted," Castle stated as Kate's cheeks grew red. Karen accepted this promise and left the room.

Ryan and Esposito shared a looked. "Elevated heart rate?" The blue-eyed detective questioned.

Kate shot Castle a look, "It was...nothing," the writer said before adding, "Just like the last time."

"Last time?" Esposito asked.

The detective and writer engaged in a battle of wills as the other two male detectives looked on.

"Mom and Dad seem to be at it again," Esposito whispered to Ryan.

"Looks like Castle might be winning this time," Ryan countered.

"Look again."

Kate slapped Castle's hand away when he tried to help her into bed. "If you don't mind, I would like to discuss my case. Unless, of course, you are going through another tunnel."

Ryan looked rightly contrite as Esposito and Castle pinched their lips together and looked at their feet.

"What happened?" Kate questioned once she was settled in her bed. Castle went to sit next to her but she just pointed to the corner. He meekly followed her command. "The last time we talked you said that the drug dealer lead might not pan out."

"We thought so too. Thanks to the lovely splatters of blood from his nose found at the cemetery, Anderson and Carson were able to isolate which dealer the cocaine came from. 40% potency is premium, which made it an easy trail to follow," Ryan informed them. "Their contact made a positive ID from one of the sketches and it was our last lead."

"I take it that Carson or Anderson weren't as lucky as you two were?" Castle commented.

"I broke Anderson's fall after he was shot in the leg. Don't worry a flight of stairs broke my fall," Esposito said nursing his injured arm.

"And Carson?" Kate asked.

"Oh, he's fine, apart from being horribly embarrassed."

"Embarrassed?"

"Low hanging bars. He can hit those pretty hard," Ryan added as he sat down in a chair.

Esposito chuckled wryly, "I don't think the kid had been in a shoot out like that before. Good thing he knocked himself out or he probably wouldn't have made it."

The room grew silent as they had finally reached the part of the story that made Kate instinctively draw her hand up over the entry place of the bullet that had hit her chest. "Who is he?"

"We found a passport with the name Joseph Hauk on it. Carson ran the name and apparently he doesn't exist before six years ago," Esposito said.

"Where is Hauk now?" Kate asked.

"He's being prepped for surgery. Esposito was able to get one round in his shoulder and then I..." Ryan bowed his head.

"I thought he would have left the country by now," Castle stated, changing the topic just enough to give Ryan a moment, "He must of known that almost the entire police force of New York was looking for him."

Esposito shrugged, "He looked like he was ready to leave. Bags were packed. Passport and tickets were ready, but he needed that last fix."

"Anything else at the scene?" asked Kate.

"We bagged his phone, and computer, but he managed to wipe his computer clean when he heard us coming. Tech guys are going over it now. No evidence linking him to you, except for two things. A gun, which we are sure is going to be a match and..." Ryan looked up at Castle.

"No more tunnels," Kate demanded, "All of it. Now."

Castle tilted his head in a quick nod to the other men in the room, which made Kate glare at him, "You sit there and don't say a word."

"Kate..."

"Not one word." Castle put up his hands in defense and sat in the corner. Kate regarded Ryan, "Continue."

"After I shot him, I went up to him to assess the damage and to stop any of the bleeding I could," Kate noted the look Ryan gave her. He had tried to save Hauk for her and she hated that he had to do that for her and that both he and Esposito could have died because of her. That sort of sacrifice was going to have to end.

"He kept silent, but after some..._encouragement_ he said that the second hit was called off. That _HE_ had called it off."

"Who is 'He'?" Castle asked.

"Castle," warned Kate, as Rick started to search his bag for something, "Who was Hauk referring to?"

Ryan's face was etched with hardship, "Hauk didn't say."

"What else?" Kate demanded.

"Hauk said he had a message for the first person to ever survive one of his bullets. A message from _HIM_."

A feather could have dropped and it would have been deafening at this point, "'Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.'"

Castle wrote furiously and then tapped his pad of paper to reveal he had written '_Hamlet_,' just as Kate said, "_Hamlet_."

"You two rehearse that sort of thing when we're not here, don't you?" Ryan asked, rather impressed.

"It's always better having a well read shooter," Esposito stated, "What does it mean?"

"Basically, if I keep mouth shut and don't act rashly then I won't have another bullet shot at him," Kate said while all of the information started to process. Why was the hit called off? Why this supposed reprieve? "Did Hauk say anything else?" Kate asked.

"He fell unconscious and the EMS team arrived to take him away."

"As soon as he is awake, I'm going to go talk to him."

Castle scribbled something on paper before holding it up.

_No!_

"Castle..." she warned.

Castle's response was swift.

_No! !_

Ryan and Esposito started to shift uncomfortably in the seats as the latter leaned in, "Twenty says he ends up leaving with us," Esposito whispered to Ryan.

"You're on." Ryan countered in a hoarse whisper.

"This isn't up for discussion," Kate stated.

Castle wrote something down as fast as he could.

_Like hell it isn't!_

More words hit paper.

_U heard his warning! _

_It's time to stop._

Her eyes said it all. Steely. Focused. Fueled by hope and fear. "I will look that man who shot me in the eye and I won't rest until I get every last piece of information from him."

Rick's pen in his pad of paper once again.

_Not alone._

"Ryan and Esposito will be right outside."

Castle stood, but didn't bother to write anything as he made his way from the corner of the room, "Then I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not."

"You are not facing down your shooter alone."

"It's not like he'll be armed again and..."

"And what?"

"I don't think it is a good idea for you to be near him," she said quietly, "You're too close."

"I'm...I'm too close? What does that make you then?" He didn't wait for an answer, "I'm going with you."

"No. You're not." Kate turned back to Ryan and Esposito who were finding the ceiling and their feet fascinating. "Who is with Hauk now?"

"Carson is with him after he came from seeing Anderson. Carson is not leaving Hauk's side. He'll let us know if Hauk makes it or not," Ryan answered.

Kate gripped her blankets with her hands. Hauk had to make it. It was the last link to was behind all of this.

They heard the door open and then Karen's voice, "I'm coming back in the room now." She waited a few seconds and then entered.

"I'm afraid the detective needs her rest now," Karen stated.

"I'm fine. We need to..." Kate started, but the look Karen gave her made her stop.

"These meds are going to knock you out and you know that. I checked and Hauk is still in surgery. So there is time for you to rest and gain your strength."

Esposito and Ryan gave Kate a sympathetic look before heading towards the door. They turned waiting to see if Castle was joining them or not.

Castle lingered, and Kate knew he was waiting for her to ask him to stay. All happiness she thought was lost to her was a mere few steps from her. She could be happy. Kate wanted to be happy, but pushing him away almost seemed easier. She had many things to face and right now how she felt about the man before her wasn't something that could be sorted through just yet.

"Go, Castle. Please, just go," Kate stated, not sounding as forceful as she had intended.

Rick quickly wrote something on a piece of paper as Ryan made quick to give Esposito his winnings. Castle reached over and gently placed the folded piece of paper in her hand before leaving the room.

* * *

><p>One day. One day of sore neck, sore back and a sore ego. Rick Castle had really done it this time. He had kept vigil outside her door and hadn't moved except for a couple of times. He had watched Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Jim and Karen move in and out of the room, all garnering the same look of pity. He even watched Kate leave with Lanie for a few short walks. It was utter torture that she forbid him from following. Rick didn't like the dog house and every time he honestly went to apologize he was stopped by Kate.<p>

Rick slumped further down on his chair. Spirits were pretty low and he knew Kate must be going crazy. Hauk had survived the surgery, but hadn't woken up yet. He was still in the ICU and chances weren't looking good due to the amount of blood loss.

Tech had not been able to recover anything from the computer or phone. Basically, the entire future of Johanna Beckett's case hinged on a dying man. Things were grim and then there was this nagging feeling that he was missing something. It was driving him nuts.

"I didn't know you could go that deep in thought?"

Rick looked up and saw Karen smiling at him.

"I'm not just looks you know," Rick countered.

"Are you sure?" Karen chided.

A commotion from the Nurse's station caused them both to look. Castle watched as Nurse Mishap was in deep conversation with Nurse Ugly-Scrubs. The conversation was too low to over hear and it resulted in Nurse Mishap leading Sam to the elevator and practically shoving her in before getting in herself.

"They seem close," Castle said.

"Sam's been a scatter brain since...well, since her new boyfriend's grandfather died this morning."

"The coma guy you mentioned?"

"Yeah, the wife is coming in, and Sam's new boyfriend's seems to have vanished, the creepy scum I knew he was."

"What do you mean?"

"He's the kind of guy your mother warns you about. And Sam...she's so...jumpy since she met him. And she hasn't fed her birds in days and she loves those feather balls. And now Nurse Mishap seems to be constantly on her case about something. She still thinks she runs this place. I'm just glad I'm on your Lady Fair's service...it annoys Nurse Mishap to no end that I am."

"Oh, a power struggle. My money is on you," Castle said before asking, "How is Hauk?"

"He's stable, or at least that's what Sam said."

"Nurse Ugly-Scrubs is taking care of him? I thought Nurse Mishap would since she 'runs this place'"

Karen scrunched up her face as she looks down the hall again, "That is weird, maybe that's what they are arguing about...oh, well it looks like someone is about to get some motherly advice."

Castle looked down the hall and noticed his mother and Jim walking down the hallway.

"Sedate me now, I beg of you."

Karen laughed before she walked back to the Nurse's station. Rick watched his mother and Jim approach.

"How are things, Rick?" Jim asked.

"Great. I'm just keeping the hallway company. It's gets lonely."

"I think Jim was asking how life in the dog-house was going, Darling."

Castle slumped down more in his chair as Martha continued, "I'm feeling adventurous, so let's go try the cafeteria coffee, shall we? Jim is going to sit and watch a few movies with Kate for a while and her detail is just a few paces away."

Jim opened the door to Kate's room and Rick couldn't help but lean in to get a quick peak at her. He smiled when he noticed her hair was up, "Watch anything about space or cowboys..." He called after Jim as the door closed.

"She should wear it up more," he said to himself before looking at his mother again.

"Let's go before you start pawing at the door."

"I have some dignity."

Martha gave him a look.

"Not much, but some."

Twenty minutes later, Martha and Rick sat across from each other. Martha sipping tea and Rick nursing a coffee between his hands.

There was something behind his mother's blue eyes that made him a little on edge and he wished that his present appearance was different so it wouldn't give her more fuel for whatever was to come.

"Whatever it is, you might as well say it."

Martha folded her hands, "You look like the you should be conversing with a volleyball on an Island."

"How long have you been holding onto that one?"

Martha leaned forward and slapped her gloves on his hand, "What sort of message are you sending her by looking like that?"

"That I'm dangerous, rugged, and can wrestle a bear."

"You are telling her that you will forgo your life for hers. That's not comforting to a person like Kate who has lost a hell of a lot more than most."

Rick regarded the woman before him. It was an unconventional upbringing sometimes, but his mother had this way that drove right to the point that he admired.

"I know this is hard. But you can't live outside her door, and you definitely can't put your life on hold."

"I'm not putting it on hold. It's only been a little over a week and her shooter is in this very hospital right now."

"Isn't that what she has a protective detail for?" Martha questioned in a light tone.

"It's only for a few more days until she is released."

"And then what?"

"She can stay with us. I'm sure Alexis can wear her down. Jim is all for it."

"And is Beckett all for it?"

"Um..."

"How do you think that will go over with her boyfriend. Doctor...Hot-scrubs."

Rick looked off to the side before he let the rim of his coffee touch his lips .

"The plot thickens."

"She doesn't know that I know."

"And you are using it to your advantage."

"Who? Me?"

Martha raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe a little."

Martha's features fell in concern, "She's been through enough without you muddling in her affairs. You need to step back. Give her some breathing room."

"I...can't walk away from her. I won't."

"This isn't about walking away. This is about finding a balance. Something you have never truly done with any woman before."

"That's not true."

"Are you telling me with Kate is like all the others? Gina? Meredith? Kyra?"

Rick sat back. The women in his life had always been off limits to any serious talk. Sure, Martha would intrude when needed. This was different. And both of them knew it.

"What you're doing is the only thing you know how to do. It's what most of the other women had demanded from you. Kate never asks. She never pries and it's not because she doesn't care. It's because you keep prying and demanding from her and aren't willing to offer anything back. She has no idea where she stands in your life."

Rick looked at his mother incredulously, "I'm her partner, her friend, her..." He wanted to say boyfriend, but frankly there wasn't really a label for what he was to her. Man in waiting? That was close.

Martha slapped his hands with her gloves again, "But now you want more. You can be all those things still, but there has to be something more to offer or else you are just buzzing around her for no reason."

"I love our talks."

She gave his hand a squeeze this time, "Answer this: What can you offer her in return?"

"Anything she wants."

"Anything? Even if it is as simple as just you."

"I would hope so."

"That's not what I mean."

"I'm actually having a hard time following what you mean," Castle said.

"From talking with Jim, and the conversation we had over cookies a few nights ago, it became clear that she has opened up to you about her life. You know things about her mother and her life that no one else knows. Not her father and not even the Doctor she was dating. A process that has no doubt been daunting given your listening skills."

"I can't deflect every single zinger you throw my way."

"What I find interesting is that she doesn't know very much about you."

"Me? I'm an open book."

"But you choose which book she gets to open."

He looked out the window and Martha watched his eyes follow a few birds fly through the air.

"She might not want to stay until the end if I let her choose the book."

"That is her choice." Rick was quiet for a moment and Martha decided to push it further. It was now or never, "Have you told her how you feel about her?"

"Yes."

Martha looked skeptical.

"I told her twice."

Martha took his hands into her own some more,"And what did she say?"

"She didn't hear me. She fell unconscious shorty afterwards."

"Timing is not your strong suit."

"I thought I would never see her again. I...had to say it."

"So tell her again."

"We aren't even talking at the moment. Now's not the right time."

"Not the...and when exactly would be the right time?"

Rick looked at his mother. She had known him long enough to see what was playing behind his eyes.

"Do you know what you are asking of her?" Martha's tone was dark, laced with the depths and severity of the situation. " This has been her life for years. It is not something you ask someone to walk away from."

"Whomever is behind this, will kill her."

"You are trying to solve this like one of your books and you can't. She isn't asking you to either. All she is asking of you is for you to be there for her."

"I am. I will be. Always. I just thought... this would be easier.'' He said quietly, noting how childish it was to think in those terms.

"Oh, my darling boy...love isn't meant to be easy. If it was, then cloud nine would be giving away property for free."

He squeezed his mother's hand before leaning back in the chair.

"I sometimes forget how wise you are."

"If a wise-crack about my age is to follow, I think I will make my exit now." Martha stood and put her hand on her son's shoulder.

"Let her in, Richard. You won't regret a moment of it, I promise."

Castle watched his mother walk away. He stood and moved towards the windows. He had been doing that a lot lately. Looking out the windows. Watching life, and more specifically sparrows fly by. Rick was almost afraid of it. He didn't know what was to come and he had no way of writing the ending he wanted to this. Maybe that was the problem. He was trying to make this a fantasy.

He made his way back to Kate's room and to his seat outside her door once again. Time flew by as his mother's words sailed across his mind. He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw Karen walking towards him.

Rick already knew, from the look on her face, what had happened.

* * *

><p>"How about a little Bogart and Bacall to pass the time?" Jim suggested.<p>

"Sure."

The movie started and Bogart's deep robust tone set the mood for the conversation that was about to take place.

"So, how are you really, Katie?"

"I'm healing fine."

"That's not really what I meant."

Kate shrugged. She honestly didn't know anymore.

"I must say, you have found a very lively family to be a part of. Martha and Alexis were more than welcoming."

"Dad..."

"I'm not implying anything. Families come in all forms. There is no reason why you can't be part of this one, whether you are with Rick or not."

"I'm...not."

"Right. The doctor. He seems very nice."

"I've talked about him before."

"Once or twice, yes. Most times that you phone though...you talk about someone else."

"You're doing a great job of not implying."

Jim smiled, enjoying his daughter's spunk, "I take it he is driving you crazy?"

"I'm grateful, really. He's been sweet."

"But?"

"He needs to go home. Things need to go back to normal."

"Something tells me that he wants a bit more than normal."

"He isn't one for subtlety, is he?" She gestured about the room at all the luxuries that he had brought her. It was endearing in a way and horribly frightening in another. Kate knew what he was offering her. It wasn't a dream or a hallucination. She was sure he meant it at the time when Death had its cold hand on her shoulder in the cemetery. Now, though, in this hospital bubble they had going everything seemed so confounded, heightened and damn confusing. Reality though was itching its way in. Neither of them could stop that.

"Dad?"

Jim turned his gaze form the TV screen to his daughter.

"He wants me to walk away and I can't."

The steely determination in her tone made the hairs on Jim's neck stand on end. He grabbed her hand, "Katie, you wouldn't be walking away."

"She deserves the truth. We deserve the truth. I know if I can just talk to Hauk, I can make him talk."

Kate watched a few more scenes played on the screen. Black and white with dialogue. If only life were that simple. If only Roy had told her the truth. If only...Kate stopped. She could go on. She had a lot of them. If only this and if only that. Some weren't hers to bear and others she had chosen. And then there were others that she was almost too afraid to challenge.

Her father reached over and gently took her hand in his and held it up so he could see the watch that was on her wrist. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Dad...you don't have to..."

"No. I think I do. I saw it as only happening to me when I should have realized that I got to know your mother a lot longer than you did. Both our time was cut short with her, yours more than anyone. The damage though, that I can't take back."

"I'm fine."

"I don't want you to be fine. For years you were that. It wasn't until about three years ago that you called me so completely animated that I wanted to hug the man who made you so annoyed that you actually would hand cuff him to a car."

Kate stared at the screen and watched Becall deliver lines in a deep baritone voice. She didn't know what to say. Her father had spent years not wanting to say anything that would upset her. She preferred this dynamic though. It was the same that they had before all of this happened twelve years ago.

"There is no question that she would be so proud of you. What you do everyday. Saving lives, giving families the closure that they need."

Kate nodded, "But?" She knew it was coming.

"She would want more for you."

"You don't know that."

"She may have been your mother, but she was my wife. We told each other things that resided in our hearts and not just as parents. Our fears, joys, hopes, dreams and memories that started before you were even born."

Jim stood up and brought her daughter's chin up so she would look at him. "The only thing in this world your mother would want for you is health and happiness."

"I am healthy and happy."

"It would be a bit more convincing if you weren't saying that from a hospital bed and have Rick living out in the hallway."

Kate looked over at the chair where her uniform hat sat. A reminder of all she had accomplished and what she wanted more than anything. Closure.

"We all make choices. Some good and some that have devastating effects on those around us. I'm not going to pretend that my little girl can't choose differently if she wanted to."

"I don't think I can let this go," Kate whispered.

He leaned in and hugged his daughter, "Then at least lift the veil, Katie. If you only do it for a moment. Lift that veil of murder you see the world through and see the concrete flower."

Kate went still. It had been a very long time since she heard that 'The Universe According to Johanna's expression'.

Jim smiled and nodded into his daughter's hair, "Now how about another movie? Rick said that we should watch something about space or cowboys."

Kate chuckled, "Rick says a lot of things."

"I bet he does. Some things probably so small that only you can hear."

Kate watched her father go over towards the table to search through the stack of movies. He stopped at the flower table, "Your mother's favorite," he pointed to a assortment of lilies that had a plush teddy bear sitting in them. "It seems like Rick does know you well, except for the bear. You never did liked those."

"I don't think that is from him. The two other bouquets of lilies are, along with the assortment of wild flowers are."

"Then, it looks like a lot of people are pulling for you."

"Yeah, but what am I supposed to do with all these flowers after I'm..."

Rick opened the door, causing Kate to stop mid sentence.

The look in his eyes made her turn her gaze back to the table. There was something slightly unnerving seeing a black plush teddy bear with a red heart over it's chest, flush against white lilies while Castle was telling her the news.

Hauk was dead.

* * *

><p>Firstly, I would like to apologize for the lateness of this chapter. There was an unfortunate family matter that I had to attend to and I only arrived back home yesterday. I promise, that I will respond to each and every review when I can grab a few spare moments tomorrowover the weekend. Coming back from a rather tiring vacation to all those wonderful reviews, alerts and the view count really did put a much needed smile on my face. Thank you so very much.

Secondly, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Some of you might be wondering what the beep is going on...all your questions will be answered. There are only two chapters (maybe three if I I decide to split the final chapter) to go.

Lastly, I would like to send a huge THANK YOU to all of those readers out there. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work and/or review. I would love to hear your thoughts on this latest chapter. Next update should be this Sunday.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	9. Substratum Stories

Chapter 9: Substratum Stories

* * *

><p>Hope had played a fine round. Its second within two weeks. Hope had smiled, lingered briefly, kissed her on the cheek and fluttered away, leaving her on the edge of the shore, not being able to see the horizon of who was behind it all.<p>

It had been almost two days since Castle had told her that Hauk was dead. Kate felt the anger swell and then coil within her during that time. While everything she had been building to for years seemed to fall away, he was there.

She reached into her pocket and felt the piece of paper he had given her the other day. Written on it was six letters, forming the one word, that had become theirs. Her father's conversation had taken hold, even more so after Hauk's death. Now, she had nothing. No leads.

But she wasn't alone.

Rick had been there. Everyone was there for her and that frightened her. If she was going to pursue whomever was behind this then she was risking all of their lives. This was something that she had to do alone. She had resigned herself to do it alone.

That's when her father's words, her mother's saying, had crept in. Lift the veil, see the concrete flower that was so desperately trying to grow. It wasn't exactly easy to see, though.

Rick had been right when he said he didn't know what they were. Neither did she. It was never that she doubted he would be there for her. His sincerity not in question. What was in question was what all of it meant. Did he really look at her and see 'always' or was it that he wanted a temporary fix?

Could they just submerge into the physical and then that would be enough? A moment between writer and muse that had filled his fantasies for years or did he see them with grey hair, wrinkled with lines from life, sitting in their home decades from now?

More importantly, how did she see them? Kate had never really allowed herself to dip her toe in the Castle depths, especially since last summer. Kate couldn't afford to bring forth those feelings again. It was risky. As the year went on though, she was tempted, more than once to see where the ripples might have landed. Always tentative. Always weary. Was it time to jump right in and see?

Kate put that notion in the 'maybe pile' as the early morning light seared the night sky away. The light bounded towards her and lit up the quad below. She also heard the sweet songs of the birds, enjoying their early morning dance. Some flew from tree to tree. Some swooped up the side of the building, playing with each other. Maybe that was where hope was, just outside waiting for her, or, as the door to her room opened, maybe hope was within her grasp.

"Kate?"

She looked over her shoulder and saw him still lingering by the door.

"I brought breakfast." He was actually waiting for permission to come in this time.

"Of course you did," Kate said, giving him a nod of permission.

He smiled and moved forward. The scent of coffee (decaf) and what must have been freshly baked scones filled the room. Kate stood by the window and bit into one of the baked goods. Heaven with a hint of butter. She reached for her coffee but he presented it to her. She took a sip. Kate almost wanted to ask to be alone with the heavenly brew and her buttery scone.

"I never thought I would ever be jealous of a scone."

Kate rewarded him with a warm, lingering look before taking another bite.

"Now you're just being mean," he pouted as he bit into his own baked good.

They ate in silence and watched the sun come over the horizon. It's light reflected off the buildings' windows, illuminating everything. It was one of those moments when people would utter things like 'it's good to be alive', but the two in the room did not. They didn't have to. It had almost been two weeks since she had been shot and they both knew what a battle they had both been through.

"I should probably thank you," said Kate.

"You don't have to thank me. I was eating breakfast anyway, and just thought I'd share."

"Not just for the breakfast," she really didn't want to elaborate and she was grateful he didn't let her.

"You're more than welcome, so..." he took a sip of his own beverage, "Lanie is just waiting on the toxicology reports from the autopsy she did on Hauk."

Kate just nodded, "He died of heart failure. It's what happens when you get shot in the chest." She didn't want to think about Hauk. That was a dead end and she didn't want to wallow in anger or what she saw as defeat right now.

"I'm sorry that you couldn't talk to Hauk."

"I don't think you are," she said, not with disdain, but rather acceptance for what he wished for her.

"Maybe I deserve that."

"You do."

"Fine. I do. Only because I knew where it would lead you."

"Hauk was the only one who knew who is behind all of this," Kate stated exhaustively, "Do you have any idea how...frustrating it is, being so close, time after time, and then have it taken away, once again?"

Kate knew that on some level he must have known; however, knowing something and accepting its consequences were another matter entirely.

"I honestly don't know what to do here," he whispered like a man stranded in a desert, trying to decipher between reality and a mirage.

"You don't have to do anything. Where I am willing to go, you aren't. I'm not asking you to follow me," Kate added the last part quietly. The thought of him not following made her stomach contort just as much as her chest.

"And why is that?"

"Because..." She didn't want to cradle him in her arms if a bullet ever found a home in his chest, "Because you're not a cop."

"Are you going to ask Ryan and Esposito to follow?"

She didn't answer him which resulted in him putting his fist, on the window then leaning his head against his hand. They both knew she would do this alone. That she wasn't going to stop. It was a divide between them. One that neither of them were prepared for.

"I seem to be making a mess of things. Making things worse. Even now," he said apologetically.

"Not worse, Castle, just... you're challenging."

That garnered her an odd smile, "I'm the challenge."

Kate wasn't sure if that was a statement or a question; she answered anyway, "In a way."

"I thought I was the easy one."

"You are," she elbowed him for good measure and smiled fully for the first time in days.

"You're smile rivals the sunrise, my dear Detective."

Castle leaned against the glass, not watching the sunrise outside, but a different sort of sunrise. The quietness of the room fell between them. Neither of them knowing what to do at this crossroads. They were content enough just to watch the birds sally and sail on the other side of the glass.

"Sparrows," said Kate, not knowing she even gestured to them with her fingers.

Rick's lips curved upwards in contemplation and in memory, "And that is a building," he pointed out the window, "and that is a tree and that is-" he started to joke.

"I meant, I've always liked sparrows. Sailors considered them as a sign of good luck," she added as he smiled at her, "What?"

"You're wealth of knowledge is very, very...sexy."

She decided to continue and not let him finish down that line of thought, "They never fly far from the shore and they stay near their homes."

"Something noble and tragic in that," Castle commented.

Kate smiled and gently placed her hand over her lower hip where ink had stained her skin long ago. Their eyes met. Each tormented with a number of things, some hidden, some obvious and others not even touched upon yet.

"You're being released tomorrow."

He was persistent, and she couldn't really fault him for it, nor reward him for it. "I'm not staying with you."

"Why not?" There was enough whine in his voice for her to warrant a stern look.

"I want to go home. Stay in my own bed. Wash all this 'hospital' off of me."

"You're in luck, because I have a bathroom at my home. Shower included!"

"You honestly think you're going to win this?"

"I am rather impressed you managed to say no to Alexis. Me I get, it seems to be a favorite pastime of yours."

"Unlike you, Alexis is mature and understands why I can't."

Rick wasn't giving up just yet, "You're recovery is going to take weeks, months."

"You want me to invade your home for months?"

"Yes," he paused long enough to grin deviously, "You can have Mother's room."

"And where would she stay?"

"Minor details."

She exhaled in frustration, "It would cramp your style."

"What style?"

"You're life. Your...relationships."

"Mother and Alexis would love to have a trifecta of women who would know how to put me in my place."

"That's not what I meant."

Rick blinked a few times, she could almost hear the wheels in his mind turning and then grinding to a halt, "You wouldn't be stepping on anyone's toes. You should know that."

"How would I know that?" He never told her these things out right and she never really asked either way, especially after he broke up with Gina.

"I-I thought...Kate, I haven't been with anyone since Gina."

"Oh." 'Oh' was right. Kate was certain he meant any relationships, casual or other.

"I guess, I would stepping on a few toes if I asked you to stay. Specifically, doctor toes."

Kate had suspected since she interrogated him that he knew about her break up with Josh. She wanted to keep that barrier up, but using it as an excuse didn't sit well anymore. "Let's stop pretending that you don't know that Josh and I broke up."

"It was kinda of fun watching you use him as an excuse."

"I wasn't using him as a...never mind."

"So, if I'm understanding this correctly-"

"You probably aren't."

"We are both single adults who aren't beholden to anyone."

"Beholden? Really?"

"If you have one, single, consenting adult and you add another, single, consenting adult what do you get?"

Kate liked the way his eyes lit up at the notion of her staying with him. She wasn't going to let him get the upper hand though. "Two-thirds of a threesome?"

"Yes, exactly...wait. No, what?"

"What?"

"Did you just-"

She smiled as she took a quick sip of her coffee, "No. You were saying?"

"I-uh, you, me, my place is..." Rick gestured her to follow his thought process.

"Still out of the question."

"That's not the conclusion I was looking for."

"It's the one that works."

And would probably continue working until one of them decided that another 'ruse' was a good idea. It was always there. That tension. Those sparks. She felt it and he felt it.

"It's not like we will be alone. My mother, Alexis, and your father will be there."

"That's not what I'm worried about. I will just go to my place and I will let you visit."

"That's not good enough," he whispered as he turned away from her. He looked like he was about to leave the room before he turned away from the door mumbling something about choosing a book. Rick closed the distance between them until he was only at arms length.

"How about this? I tell you a story."

"You aren't going to recite an excerpt from the new Nikki Heat are you? Because you always skip to the-"

"It's not that kind of story."

Her green eyes scanned his face, trying to figure out his end game. Rick didn't look at her, though. His gaze was fixed beyond the window. Kate did the same, turning her gaze to the beautiful day that was presented before them.

"If you like it then you will at least consider staying at the loft for a minimum of one night."

"What kind of story is it?"

He took a deep breath, "A story about a... boy."

Was it too much to hope this was about him?

"Have I heard this story before?"

"No you haven't."

Kate weighed her options. "One night?"

"Minimum, with the option of me staying at your place as well," Rick added.

There wasn't anything in his features indicating some sort of devious plan. In fact, there was something in his eyes that suggested he rather not tell her this story at all.

Kate took a fraction of a step towards him. She was at the edge and decided that she would dip her toe, and see where the ripples landed.

"OK, Castle. Let's see what one night's worth of a story sounds like."

The writer nodded. It was enough to allow his mind to wander back into the recesses of his memories and by the looks of it, not exactly pleasant ones. A few moments past. Kate didn't say a word. She could see him formulating the story in his mind. Making it just so.

"Once, there was a boy. A very cute, sweet and adorable boy. He had brown hair, blue eyes, and...cute...did I mention that?"

He was nervous. Kate found it endearing, "Cute, adorable, brown hair, blue-eyed, boy. So this is about you."

"I didn't say that."

"Fine, it's not about you."

"I didn't say that either. Can I continue?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could at the moment.

"By all means," she brought her lip between her teeth so she wouldn't interrupt him.

He took a deep, encouraging breath before continuing, "There were a few who called him precocious. Some called him a dreamer. One called him son. But no one called him... 'friend.'"

Castle gave her a quick glance. Kate just gave him a small, encouraging smile. It seemed to work and his deep voice escaped his lips once again.

"The one that called him 'son' was a force of nature. Loving and caring as a mother should be, but she saw the world as her stage and pulled the young boy along for the ride. When she wasn't dressing up or speaking the words of others, she would take him to a place filled with trees, ponds, bridges and birds. An oasis in the midst of concrete. She wanted him to stretch his legs, play, so the few that called him 'precocious' would not complain too much."

A younger Martha dashed across Kate's mind. A single mom, raising a child alone couldn't have been easy, for both mother and child. Kate could not deny that Martha must have done something right, because the man before her turned out pretty well.

"Left to his own devices, he got by because some didn't call him a dreamer for nothing. Milk cartons became boats. Folded up Newspapers became sailor's hats. Ponds became oceans. Sparrows, from the underbrush, became his ship mates. The boy found that if he didn't like the world he was in he could make up his own. Worlds where he was someone, surrounded by the 'some' the 'few' and where he didn't need the 'no ones'."

The green-eyed detective inched closer to him. The image of the boy having fun was suddenly ladened with solitude. Imagination had been his friend, his refuge, while growing up. Kate could even see it now, as Rick looked out the window at the scenery outside; he took refuge in his fantasy world almost on a daily basis.

"One day, he saw a group of 'no ones' across the ocean playing their own games. Laughing, running and they weren't in a world of make believe. The boy abandoned his ship, threw off his sailors hat, ignored his shipmates, and walked over.

"He was fascinated with their sling shots and their rough housing, wondering what it would be like not having to create a world where he wasn't alone. The 'no ones' regarded him. Judged him and the boy thought he was worthy. He was wrong. Too short, too chubby, too weird, were the reasons given. They pushed him to the ground and then left the boy alone along the pond, angry and upset. So the boy picked up a forgotten sling shot and went into a different world. Where he was a cowboy and he had to take down the aliens that were coming down from the trees. He shot rocks this way and that, until the 'no ones' were almost forgotten."

Kate closed her eyes at the image he presented. Instinctively, she reached over and placed her hand on his. She knew what was coming.

"Then his mother called and I, I mean, he was a cowboy no more. He walked towards her and that's when he heard it. It was a faint and a sad lament of a forgotten shipmate. I crawled through the underbrush and dirt until he was cradling a once comrade in my hands. Its eyes fluttered, blood seeped onto my skin and then..."

"No lights," Kate whispered. She looked at his face and it was filled with a resigned guilt and aguish that one could harvest continually over the years. "It might have been the other boys, Castle."

"I didn't know either either way. I became both a witness and a suspect and I panicked. I scrambled out from the thicket, threw the sling shot in the water and that is how Mother found me. Cradling what she called a dead bird in my hands. I felt so guilty that I had to make amends."

"That's why you made all those mud and worm cookies."

"I thought, it would make everything better. That I could go and give them anything they wanted, to make them forgive me for taking one of their own. But Mother wouldn't let me. I locked myself in my room, not understanding why I did what I did. I think that's when it started."

"What?" asked Kate in the barest of whispers.

"Any wrong could be written right. Any death could have closure. Anyone could be called a friend or father. So I wrote my first story that night."

Kate decided to tuck away the 'father' she heard until later, "I bet it was a literary masterpiece," she bumped his arm with her elbow.

"Oh it was. It had a cowboy in it."

"A space cowboy?"

Rick elevated his chin in the air, "Possibly."

"I bet it got rave reviews from Martha."

"No, actually it didn't. It was a testimony of sorts of what I had done, so I couldn't bring myself to show it to anyone. You're the only one I have told."

The only one? Not Martha, not Alexis, not Kyra, or any others? Suddenly, she didn't feel like he had pried that information out of her. It was more like he just wanted to get to know her the only way he knew how.

"I'd like to read it."

"One day you will." It was another promise that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Is that when your fascination with death and murder started?"

"It was part of it. It wasn't that I was fascinated by death exactly, but trying to make sense of it. Over the years I wanted to explore the motivations. The why. The who." He turned to her, "I realized that in fantasy I could use my imagination as a sling shot. I could shoot into the trees all I wanted, but I chose who got hurt or not. I could shield myself from any responsibility of sorts. Present myself in ways that I truly wanted to be."

"It made you who you are. That can't be a bad thing."

"That's not the case anymore. I still use my sling shot sometimes, don't I? I brought it out a couple of years ago with your mother's case."

"Without you I would have never found Coonan."

He bowed his head, looking at the window's ledge, "Without me, Montgomery would be alive and you wouldn't have been shot."

"You don't have _that_ much control over my life," said Kate encouragingly and defiantly.

"I don't have any," he said with an edge of laughter.

"See, now your getting it," she stated sternly, before adding, quietly and softly, "I have never regretted meeting you, Rick, or having you in my life as my partner or as my...friend," she emphasized, "Not once."

Castle didn't ask and she probably would have said 'no' if he did as he moved it to hug her. The Detective even wrapped her arms around him. Rick rested his chin on her head.

"My profession may be writing in fantasy, but I think it has become clear that fantasy isn't enough."

Ripple after ripple fell upon her. Him as a little boy. The fallen sparrow. Her almost dying in his arms at the cemetery. The sparrows outside the glass now dancing in the sun and skipping on the concrete. It was there. That small sprig of flower growing between the concrete was waiting for a glimpse. Kate still hesitated though. She didn't press and maybe she should have. Maybe that's what he was waiting for; for her to choose an uncertain path as well.

"Thank you, for the story." Was all she could manage.

"I just felt like you should know something very important about...me. Us."

"And what's that, exactly?"

"That we're both onions."

Kate didn't look at his face. She just stared out over the horizon through the double pained glass, allowing the sun and his arms warm her soul.

"And, how many layers do you have, Castle?"

"As many as you care...choose to discover."

One layer at a time. This was never going to be easy between them. And she was starting to realize that maybe that was OK. For once, time was on their side. She had never backed down from a challenge before. And what she did next didn't have to mean everything; however, it could be the start of something more.

"You know..." she stepped out of his arms, "I did tell Alexis that I would have dinner at the loft at least once. I don't see why it couldn't be the night of my release."

"I think Alexis would like that very much." Kate heard the giddiness brewing in his voice.

"And..."

"And?" He pressed, a smile already forming on his face.

"The meds they have me on, I have to take with food and they do cause some drowsiness."

"That's true, you almost fell asleep in your soup the other day."

"There's a chance that I might fall asleep right after dinner."

He cut her off with an excited sort of short squeal and gently grabbed her arms and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before leaning back out, leaving her rather gobsmacked.

"You won't regret this."

"I-I didn't say 'yes'."

"You didn't say 'no' either. You can sleep in my bed," Kate's eyes flew wide, she wasn't ready to dive in just yet, "No, not, I won't be there...unless..."

"Castle..."

"I will be on the couch."

"I don't need your bed."

"Tough, you're getting it."

"It's only for one night and then my dad and Lanie said they would take turns staying with me."

"And me."

"Don't push it."

They searched each others eyes. Kate didn't know what exactly she had agreed to. It felt right though. It truly did. Kate put her hands on his chest and started to push him away towards the door.

"Now, go home."

"What?" His face fell, "We just found out we are both onions, and you want me to leave?"

"You know that I'm fine and safe. Go home, take a break, see your daughter and...please do us all a favor and shave that thing off your face."

"What?" He put his hands over it as if he was protecting it, "Not Rickardo!"

"I'm not going to even think about why you felt the need to name it."

"It keeps my face warm!"

"It's..." rugged, kind of sexy, "..prickly," she ended up saying.

Rick wiggled his eye brows, "And if it wasn't prickly you would enjoy that better?"

"Take your subtext and leave."

He still hesitated.

"The longer you stay the more I might rethink my decision."

That got him moving. He grabbed his stuff about the room and then bolted for the door.

"I will be back in no time. Your detail is just outside. I will tell Karen to check on you."

"You know, maybe this wasn't-"

"I'm going!... Oh do you have preference for sheets? Silk? Thread count?"

"Go!"

He gave her a glorious smile before he left the room in a hurry. Kate wandered over to the window and watched the sparrows enjoying their morning.

* * *

><p>Karen looked up from her chart and saw Castle come out of the Detective's room, bag in tow. She expected to see a downtrodden expression on his face. Instead, he was smiling with an elation that Karen hadn't seen since he had arrived almost two weeks ago.<p>

As he started to move past her, happy beyond the point of noticing the nurse, she called out to him, "Did she finally kick you out for good?"

Rick stopped and his grin grew wider, "She said yes!"

"You proposed? !"

"No, no... I mean she agreed to let me take care of her for an evening, that possibly could turn into a day at my place."

"Really? !" Karen squealed, "That's fantastic! Though, I still must insist that you don't get her too riled up. She is just starting the road of recovery."

"Yes, Nurse Karen," he placated, "Would you mind keeping an eye on her?"

"She isn't a child or a puppy. But, yes, I will do my job and check up on my patient."

"I'm going to whip home, get everything to perfection and I think...don't tell her this, but she needs some time alone."

Karen brought her fist to her mouth, "Look who's growing up! You can never prepare yourself for a day like this," Karen pretended to wipe a tear.

"You and Kate are truly kindred spirits," he said playfully. He started to back down the hallway, "I gotta go." He turned and smacked right into Nurse Mishap. She let out a grunt, but barely moved. Castle stumbled back like she was a brick wall.

"I'm so sor-ry," Rick saw who he had bumped into and stumbled farther back a few paces just for good measure, "Lovely day, isn't it? You are looking particularly..." he looked at her again, "sturdy today."

Karen snorted in laughter and tried to cover it up with a cough.

Nurse Mishap said nothing. She moved around him and made her way to her chair at the nurse's station, glaring at him the entire time.

"I am sorry...I know you may not believe this, but I didn't see you there. Not that you aren't a wonderful sight to behold. Don't worry, you will be rid of me soon."

Mishap's eyes grew to piercing slits. Then an odd sort of smile came to her lips. Karen noted that it was the same smile that she had given that terminally ill cop that had come in all those months ago.

"I will miss you too," he said, moving away from her.

"You better go," Karen whispered, "She's been known to bite."

"I'll be back as soon as I can." He scooted off down the hallway, still as chipper as ever.

Karen looked at Nurse Mishap and her own eyes narrowed as she made her way over to the senior nurse.

"You know, Aggie, just because you've been bumped a few pegs down the food chain, it doesn't mean that you can't be polite to the rest of the human race. You do know how to fake a smile, don't you? Most women do."

Nurse Mishap turned in her chair, and for the first time Karen actually could see how her outside appearance matched the inside, "Maybe you should stop worrying about me and start worrying about Samantha," the senior nurse's voice was harsh, coarse, and had that tone of someone who had lived a hard existence.

"And why is that?"

"Why don't you ask her?" Nurse Mishap nodded towards Sam, before getting up to leave.

"Wait! I'm not manning the desk again, while you go and do whatever."

"You want to be in charge, so be in charge. I've got a few things I need to take care of." Nurse Mishap trucked off towards the elevator.

"God damned battle-ax." Karen mumbled before turning her attention to Sam. The younger nurse looked like she had spent the night on a beer drenched floor.

"What walk of shame is this? Did you go to a kegger or something?"

Sam tried, unsuccessfully, to smooth down her hair and unwrinkled her very plain scrubs.

"What? No neon scrubs? Now you are scaring me."

"I-I," Sam started to blink rapidly, trying not to cry, "I am fine."

"What did he do to you? I know it was him. You've been acting bizarre since he came here."

Sam started to flap her hands in front of her eyes, "Oh, Karen, have you ever done something that you know was wrong and you can't take it back?"

"What sort of 'wrong' are we talking about?"

Same shook her head, "I don't know if he ever loved me."

"Oh lord, welcome to the wonderful world of skeezy men. He didn't...hurt you did he?"

"No, not physically. He said that he would be coming back to get me and I just...I don't know if I want to go with him anymore."

"That's easy, don't."

Sam wiped away her tears before straightening her shoulders, "It will be fine. I just have to make it through today. Just today." Sam walked off in the other direction, leaving a rather thunder struck Karen.

"What the hell have you been up to?" she asked to Sam's retreating figure.

* * *

><p>Kate had rested for a few hours after setting up a viewing of Hauk's body. She didn't want to tell Castle about it because he would insist on being there. Lanie was down in the morgue right now prepping the body for the viewing. The toxicology reports still hadn't come back. Well one of them did and Lanie wanted to get a second test done, but wouldn't say why.<p>

It was probably nothing. She couldn't get her hopes up again. Kate just needed to get out of the hospital. Regroup and form her next game plan. If the second hit had truly been called off, then they must have gotten the files from Montgomery. It is the only thing that made sense. Montgomery must of had leverage against whoever was behind all of this. She understood why Roy had done it. He wanted to keep her safe. It just made her battle harder and seemingly endless.

Kate checked her phone and was surprised that there was no new messages from Castle. Maybe he was being respectful of her time alone. She decided it was time to start packing up her things. Kate made quick work of her clothes. There wasn't that many since her wardrobe had been limited due to her surgery.

Then she decided the daunting task of deciding what to do with all the well wishes that had been sent to her. She loved flowers, but her room had almost had turned into a florist shop. The Detective didn't just want to just throw them out either.

Kate ran her fingers across various petals, feeling the silkiness and soft texture beneath her finger tips. She took a lily out of the basket with the teddy bear in it. She cradled the flower in her hand and thought of her mother; she thought of all she had lost all those years ago. Moments like this had come and gone in her life. The moments when she found herself wishing she could phone her mother for advice.

Then, she thought of Castle. The simplest act of saying yes to dinner and spending one night at his place had sent him into a giddy tither. Was it wrong that she wondered what it would be like to sleep in his bed? Kate was worried she would like it. She liked him so it wasn't that far of a leap.

Her thoughts finally drifted to HIM. That man out there, living, breathing, and getting away with multiple murders. It made her sick to think that if she did choose differently then he would walk free, live to an old age possibly and die in his sleep. Kate looked down and realized that she had squeezed the flower so tightly that the petals had crumpled and some had fallen down on the bear.

Kate let go of the remnants in her hands and reached for the bear. She lifted it up and that's when her eyes caught the card. She remembered that Karen had started to read it, but they were interrupted. Kate flipped it open.

"_There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow."_

Kate read it a few more times hoping that the words would change. They didn't. It was another quote from "Hamlet." Just like Hauk's message. He, whomever was behind this, had been here. He had been close. No. Not him. He would be surrounded by people to do this for him. Who?

Her mind raced, trying to remember who had brought them. Lanie. Lanie said a nurse had brought them. Which one? She couldn't remember. Kate put the card back, thinking that they needed it to dust for prints and was about to turn to find her phone when she noticed something amiss on the bear.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she gazed into the bears eyes. They weren't solid black at all. Instead there was tiny holes in them. Her attention was then drawn to the heart on it's chest. It had been stitched on and it looked like one of the threads was loose on the bottom.

Kate carefully pulled at the stitching, until there was a substantial flap of fabric to be pulled. Her fingers pinched the bottom of the heart and pulled it away to reveal a little black device with a green light.

The truth seeped into every pore, almost turning her to stone.

Someone had been listening.

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It holds a special place in my heart, since this entire story started with the image of a young Richard, playing with milk carton boats in Central Park, surrounded by sparrows.<p>

Thank you so much to all of you who have read my story and reviewed it. I encourage and enjoy feedback, because, good or bad, it's how I improve. As always though, to all who have read, reviewed, alerted or favored my work, you have my gratitude.

I'm also sorry for posting this a bit late. You see...I am a Harry Potter junky and my friends and I saw the movie, walked out of the theatre, bought another set of tickets and watched it again! Oh yeah, it was that good! I loved the books, so it's a little sad that it is finally coming to the end in the film as well. And yes, I did cry :)

Next update should be Thursday. :)

Cheers,

Rini :D


	10. Misdirections

Chapter 10: Misdirections

* * *

><p>Kate didn't know how long she had stood there, clutching the plush, tainted bear, and staring into it's porous eyes. As the room seemed to contract, her heart seemed to have traveled to her ears. Beckett's mind fired along messages, ordering her body to quell the panic, drown the fear, and start piecing everything together.<p>

Kate looked about the room; eyes darting for a solution of some kind. Eventually, they landed on her phone. Who to call? Castle? His face dominated her mind. His strong features, kind blue-lit eyes, and his lips, his strong hands. Aside from his touch, his words seemed to have the most pull: 'always', 'apples', and those other three words that were dormant in her mind, waiting to be set free.

Kate couldn't call him. Not now. He didn't want this path for her. None of them did. It was her choice and at this moment it wasn't Castle.

Her mind darted to Ryan and Esposito. They were out as well. They almost died bringing Hauk in and they would just phone Castle. What she needed was to start piecing this together. Kate needed to find the source of the bear. Kate thought back to last week, she was in the bathroom and...Lanie! Lanie knew which nurse had delivered the bear. Kate needed to talk to Lanie.

With the bear being carefully placed back into its original position (she didn't want whomever was listening to be tipped off that anything was amiss), Kate moved in to the bathroom and locked the door. Lanie's voice could soon be heard.

"I was wondering when you were going to call," the M.E.'s chipper voice rang through, "Your sexy writer texted me a couple of hours ago telling me that you are staying with him and in his bed."

"I agreed to dinner," Kate tried to sound as casual as she could, not wanting to risk Lanie getting involved anymore than she already was.

"Just dinner?"

"I may have implied that I would stay the night if my meds wiped me out."

"In his bed?"

"He won't be in it."

"I bet he is a cuddler."

"I don't cuddle." Actually, she did like cuddling, but no one she had been with did.

"Because you haven't cuddled with Castle yet."

"I agreed to dinner, isn't that enough?"

"I don't know. You tell me?"

Kate grew silent. Of course it wasn't enough. Not after waking up and finding him holding her hand. Or how he never left her side. And not after his lips and hands had fallen upon her days ago. She had been marked, gloriously tainted by him in such a way that made her smile for no reason, steel glances, dream about him. Kate had caught a glimpse of the other side and couldn't find the strength to walk away from him completely just yet.

As her mind was jumping to the safety and memory of Castle, instead of the task at hand, Kate forced herself to focus on what needed to be done.

Lanie let out a frustrated groan at Beckett's non response, "Anyway, since you are dying for me to change the subject, I'm still waiting on the second toxicology report."

"You never told me what was wrong with the first one."

"I'll tell you when you come down and...are you sure you want to see him?" Lanie asked, her words dipping into caution and understanding.

Kate needed to looked at the flesh that once housed the soul of her shooter. It wasn't just closure at this point. With so many people in the shadows, lurking, wanting her join Death in dance, she needed to see that Hauk was dead. That his lights were not only out, but stripped, parted, and thrown in every direction.

"Kate?" Lanie's voice rang though again, "Why don't I come up there and get you? Or, Javi just called me; he and Ryan are on their way and they could get you instead? Or I could call Castle and..."

"No! Castle...he's busy."

"He's never too busy for you."

Two cleansing breaths escaped from Beckett's lips, "I will come to you."

Lanie sighed, "I'll see you in a few."

"Wait! Lanie, I-"

"Detective Beckett?"

Kate froze at hearing Karen's muffled voice on the other side of the bathroom door, followed by a knock.

"Are you in there?"

"Yes...I'll be right out." She moved away from the door to the far side of the bathroom, "Lanie, I will be there in a few."

Kate hung up the phone, moved across the room and placed her hand on the bathroom door handle. She stopped when she realized that there was a possibility that Karen could be a suspect. Kate knew that Ryan and Esposito were very diligent with background checks, but she also knew that whomever was behind this hadn't gotten this close to her with out covering their tracks up well.

Everyone had to be treated like a suspect. Kate swung the door open and regarded Karen, who was plucking at one of the flowers from the teddy basket, before swinging around to look at Kate.

"Well, your man sure is a ridiculously happy," she started to gush, "when he left here a couple hours ago he was grinning from ear...to...what's wrong?" Karen asked as she moved towards Kate, "Are you in pain?"

Kate took a breath and managed to get her facial expression as even as possible, "No, I feel fine, great even."

"Phew! I promised Mr. Castle that I would check on you and I don't think he would be all too happy if you had back tracked in your recovery, in his absence. On second thought, he probably would use it to lengthen your stay at his place," Karen smiled, knowingly.

"He probably would," Kate agreed, "I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Stretch my legs."

"You're going to go see his body."

Kate stopped herself from cringing. Awareness of what was being transmitted from the room sunk even deeper. All her movements had been watched. There was no way around it this time.

"Is there any reason why I shouldn't see the body?" Kate asked.

Karen sighed, "I know in your profession you see dead bodies everyday, but this is the man who...I can see why you would want to, but don't you want to wait for Mr. Castle?"

The nurse sounded sincere enough, but Kate couldn't be certain, "I need to go."

"I will go with you," Karen stated with conviction.

"You don't have to do that. My detail can take me."

"It's no problem, it will get me away from Sam and Nurse Mishap," Karen moved towards the door and swung in open, "Are you coming?"

Kate nodded and left the bear, alone, in the room.

* * *

><p>Kate stood outside the autopsy room, facing the cold metal doors.<p>

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Karen asked.

"No. I'll be fine..." Kate placed her hand firmly on the handle so Karen wouldn't notice her hand shaking.

"I'll be right outside if you need me, or if you feel any pain or lightheaded. This was one of the longest walks you have taken in days. Though, next time, you don't have to duck into the stairwell to try and lose me. I know you want to get better, but we'll use the elevators to go back up. OK?"

Kate nodded.

Leaving Karen with one of Kate's security detail, Kate pushed her way through the doors into the room. The sterile smells swirled in her nostrils. Purification. Fitting for who the room held at the moment.

The humming of the ventilation, accompanied by the cold, unforgiving metal in the room, made her pause. She had been in rooms like this many times in her career. She hadn't become used to them by any stretch of the imagination, however, she hadn't been in one since Montgomery death or since she had been shot.

Kate looked around the room, hoping to see Lanie. She was no where in sight. She reached for her pocket with the intent of phoning Castle. It was a clandestine habit that she tried not to let rule her.

She moved her hand away from her pocket up to her hip. No gun. She was in her most human form at the moment and she could almost feel Death's lingering, spindly hand.

Among the other vacant metal tables, there stood one that wasn't empty. A crisp shroud outlined a human figure. Her feet managed what her mind could not at the moment, and soon she was right beside the table. The white, rough, fabric wound in between her fingers and palm of her hand; a stark contrast to the, now momentarily forgotten, bear she held several minutes before.

The detective's arm extended across, allowing the sheet to fall away from the figure underneath. Slowly, dark, black cropped hair, that was speckled with silver, was revealed. It dug into faded, blueish flesh. Her arm moved farther across and down his body, extending almost straight at her elbow. Sharp pointed features, chiseled, like jagged edges of an abyss appeared. Thin, flat lips adorned the face; ones that has uttered the Bard's words only days before. Ones that could have told her so much more.

Gradually, her gaze migrated from his face down to his muscled chest where Ryan and Esposito's bullets had hit, where doctors had operated, and where Lanie had pried open flesh and bone, looking for answers.

Kate drew her hand up and placed it over her own heart. She wondered if he had one. A heart. That's when feather light sensations that had been left unfettered, loosened from its cage at the back of her mind and swooped forth. Glided down and nested in the organ that had almost been broken.

It could have been her on this table.

It could have been her with blueish skin.

It could have been her parts separated from her body.

Her gaze turned to the other empty metal tables in the room.

It could have been them: Rick, Ryan, or Esposito, all those she held dear.

She couldn't stomach it. The sheet fell from her hand, landing on Hauk's rib cage. With a simple twist of fate she was alive and her shooter was dead. If she challenged fate again, she and all those she cared for might not be so lucky.

Kate suddenly heard movement movement from the side of the room.

"Hey, girl," Lanie said, stopping when she realized what Kate had done, "You should have waited." Lanie rushed over.

"I'm fine."

"Staring down at the man who...no you are most definitely not fine."

"Thank you for doing this," said Kate, wanting to shift the attention away from Hauk, and other notions that would plague her dreams.

"It had its cathartic moments." Lanie went to pull the sheet back up, but Kate stopped her.

"He looks so..."

"Dead?"

Kate let out a small exhale that could be interpreted as an attempt at laughter, "Human."

"You've been hanging around Castle a bit too much; his Zombie ideas are rubbing off on you."

"That's not the only thing," Kate mumbled as her mind started to focus once again, "I was wondering, do you remember when you brought my things over last week?"

"'Tragic waist of sexy lingerie day', I remember."

"Do you remember the nurse who brought in a bouquet of lilies with a teddy bear in it?"

"Oh," Lanie pondered briefly, "I have seen her around here before. She wears really ugly scrubs, neon ones...maybe they had lions on them that day. Her hair was in a pony tail, I think brown eyes, roundish face. Shorter than me."

"Did she give you her name?"

"No." Lanie paused, "What's this about? Did you think they were from Castle or something?"

"She seem odd to you or anything out of the ordinary?"

"Now that you mention it, she was odd. Nervous as well. Star struck, I think because of you and Castle. Probably spurred on by all the press coverage..." Lanie's phone rang. She checked the caller ID, "Oh, I gotta take this." Lanie moved to the other side of the room while Kate turned back to Hauk, wishing that he had the answers she sought.

The doors, that Kate had come through swung open, revealing the two men who were more like her brothers, than just work partners.

"No way she is staying there. He was still outside her room this morning," the blue eyed detective stated.

"Dude, I'm dating her best friend and...Hey! Beckett. You look good."

"Definitely pulling off the post-bullet look," Ryan added.

"You two need a hobby."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Esposito stated.

"So..." Ryan smiled nervously, "Nothing like having a rendezvous in the morgue," Ryan stated, "These places give me the chills."

"That's because it's cold," Ryan's partner answered.

"No, it's because of the dead people..." Ryan stopped when he noticed Kate was standing next to Hauk's body.

The two detectives walked up and looked at the man who almost killed them as well. Nothing was said. A bond the three of them shared spoke silently between them. The man who had done this to Kate was dead. She was alive. They all were alive.

"OK, this just got weird," Lanie stated, "Hey baby," she said to Javi.

"Is it the toxicology report?" Kate asked.

Lanie nodded, "I did two because, I wanted to be sure. I...I didn't want to get you're hopes up," Lanie Looked at Kate.

"The first one that I performed came back with some inconsistencies and the most prominent being that it indicated that he died from an overdose of selenium."

"What?" All three detectives stated at once.

"I didn't want to risk telling you just in case it was a mistake. The lab could have messed up or something, so I personally took a sample of Hauk's blood to a different lab and got the results just now."

"Is this the part where it gets weird?" Javier asked.

"Yep. This man," Lanie pointed to Hauk, "died of an over dose of morphine, but the first test was of a man who died of an overdose of selenium."

Ryan and Esposito wore stunned expressions, Kate was the only one who responded, "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that...someone switched the test results with another patient in this hospital and that both of them were murdered. One by an overdose of morphine and one by and overdose of selenium."

"Who's the other victim?" Kate asked.

"That, I don't know. I sent, what I thought was Hauk's original sample, to be tested, and I haven't gotten the results back yet."

Kate started to pace, missing the feeling of the white board marker between her fingertips, "Whomever switched them out thought they were switching them with a safe substitute, but they got more than they bargained for." Kate felt that rush of closing in on a suspect pound beneath her breast, "Ryan, you said Carson never left Hauk's side, so phone him and ask him who was the last person to see Hauk before he died."

"On it." Ryan reached for his phone.

"What about his chart?" Esposito asked, "Would the names of all the doctors and nurses be listed there?"

"Way ahead of you," Lanie stated, as she was already flipping through Hauk's chart, "Here is the name of the nurse the presided over him post-op." Lanie turned the chart around and Kate and Esposito huddled around it.

"Ugly-scrubs? No way," the brown-eyed detective exclaimed.

"Who?" Kate asked.

"Sam White," Esposito said, just as Ryan made his way over.

"Carson said that it was a Sam White on his service."

"We triple checked her and apart from a new boyfriend, who we also checked, she had a low bank account and nothing out of the ordinary popped up," Ryan said, disappointed that he seemed to have failed in his part of his job.

"You two did your job. Whomever these people are, they are just..." Kate said as another suspicion fell into place, "How far did you go back on the nurses and doctors?"

"As far as we could, given the time. The only one that we checked all the way back to practically conception, as per Castle's request, was Karen. We even talked to her Nana."

"So, you are saying she isn't a suspect?"

Esposito shook his head, "What I'm saying that she should be low on the list."

Kate wasn't about to rule anyone out, but it didn't really make sense that Karen would be involved. She had plenty of opportunities to kill Kate since her arrival.

"What does this Sam White look like?" Kate asked.

"Neon scrubs. You could spot her from space."

Lanie turned to Kate, "She was in your room! That day, she brought you those flowers and that teddy bear!"

The two detectives gazed at Beckett.

"Beckett, what aren't you telling us?" Ryan asked.

There was no avoiding it at this point. They were just too close to the situation and if she was honest, to her as well, "There is a bug in the bear. Someone has been listening since last week."

"Oh God," Lanie muttered before covering her mouth.

"We need to get it to CSU to-"

"No! We might tip them off. We need to leave it and pretend that we don't know about it. Then we can-"

"What? Use you as bait? Are you nuts?" Lanie said angrily.

"Lanie..."

"Don't 'Lanie' me. Look where you are, Kate," Lanie grabbed Kate's arm, letting go of what she had been holding in for over a week, "I don't want to see you in a place like this! I don't want someone doing that," she pointed to Hauk's chest, "to you."

Javier moved in and gently pried Lanie's hands away from Kate. The room grew quiet as the two male detective's expressions mimicked what Lanie had just vented. They didn't want to see her get hurt again either.

Ryan broke the silence first, "I'll phone Carson back and get him to check Sam and anyone close to her again all the way back until we know where they took their first step."

"We don't know if she is the one who did this, but she is the only lead we have. We have to find her," Kate expressed.

"I know where she is."

They all swung around and saw Karen standing in the doorway.

"Karen, you shouldn't be..." Kate started to say.

"I know, but I over heard and...earlier today, she told me that she had done something, that her boyfriend was in on it as well, and...that she regretted it."

Ryan stepped towards Karen, "Karen, is there anything else you can tell us?"

"Her boyfriend, you did a background check on him right? Harold Smidtz?"

"He checked out, and so did Sam. Harold Smidtz grandfather is in this hospital in a coma. We even checked the grandfather's and his wife all are in the same financial sinking boat. Beckett, there wasn't anything connecting either of them to you or to Hauk. We've been monitoring all the nurses' and doctors' accounts and nothing has popped up."

"Oh, God, You are monitoring my account?" Karen shrieked.

Esposito smiled, "Interesting purchases."

"They are for a bachelorette theme party, that's why I bought them in bulk."

"We also talked to your Nana," Ryan added.

"That's why she thinks I am dating a cop, thanks. Christmas will be hell this year."

"We need to talk to her, do you know where she might be?" Kate cut in.

Karen looked at her watch, "Her shift is almost up, she would be in the nurses lounge getting her stuff."

Kate moved towards the door, Ryan stopped her.

"Beckett, let us handle this."

"I'm coming with you."

"Ryan's right, she could be dangerous and for all we know Harold Smidtz is still in the hospital. I'll have your detail look for him and get other back up."

Kate wasn't going to win this one, she would have to compromise, "I will hang back, but I'm still coming."

"I'll stay with her," Lanie said, still with an edge of anger over Kate trying to put herself in the line of fire again, "I'll hog tie her if I have too."

"I'll help," Karen stated.

"Wait, where's Castle?" Javier asked, "He would definitely want to get in on uh...tying up Beckett."

"He's at his place getting it ready," Kate said with a warning tone.

"Ready for what?" Ryan asked.

Kate didn't answer and moved towards the door. Esposito held out his hand to Ryan.

Ryan quickly pulled a twenty out and slapped it into his partner's hand.

* * *

><p>They had found Samantha White right where Karen said she would be. The nurse's lounge was couple floors up from the autopsy room. Backup was on their way, but Ryan and Esposito approached the Nurse's lounge door with the intent of going in without it.<p>

Ryan peered through the window of the door. He noted that it was empty, except for Sam, who was sitting in one of the chairs. He had a visual and she wasn't holding anything but a bag of bird seed.

"Is she armed?" his partner asked.

"To feed birds." Ryan looked down the hall, where Beckett, Lanie and Karen were stand safely behind a locked door of a vacant room. One of Kate's security was with them.

"How do you want to do this?" Esposito asked.

"You're going to barge in and tackle her."

"What?"

"How do you think, One-arm? I'll go in and you cover me," Ryan said.

Esposito nodded, knowing that he was still a pretty good shot with his other hand.

Ryan opened the door, "Samantha White?"

Sam turned, cradling one arm around a bag of bird seed. She started wiping her face with her free hand, "Y-yes?"

"I'm Detective Ryan, I need to talk to you."

"Oh God, oh...oh my God!" She jumped to her feet and stuck her hands up in the air. Her bird seed fell to the floor and scattered everywhere like marbles. She started hopping from foot to the other, still mumbling 'Oh, God'.

"Sam, I need you to calm down." Ryan said.

"Please, don't shoot me!"

"OK...I'm just going to put my gun away," he holstered his gun. She wasn't carrying a weapon that he could see.

Ryan approached her cautiously as she started to pace back and forth. Esposito did a sweep of the room then stood behind his partner. He had his hand on his gun the entire time.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I am so sorry." The nurse sobbed, bringing her dull-ish scrubs up to wipe her face.

"What are you sorry about?" Ryan calmly asked.

"You have to understand, that I love him. I really do."

"Ok, why don' t you sit down, and tell us what happened."

She sat down with a thump before yelling, "I killed him!"

"That was easy," Ryan whispered.

"Who?" Esposito pressed.

"He told me that we could split the money, that he would get a whole bunch from inheritance if he was dead and then he would take me to the Bahamas and we would live there together. I love the sun and tropical birds."

"Who said this?"

"H-H-Harold!" Sam put her hands over her face and started to sob.

Ryan looked at Esposito for a little help. The detective shrugged, not knowing what to do with the sobbing nurse.

"I need you to calm down and..." Ryan started, but that only made her cry more.

"I-I-I'm a good person. But I know it was wrong. I wasn't going to go with him. I wasn't, I swear!"

Esposito moved closer, "Try breathing a bit between sobs"

She nodded as she started to sniffle.

"We need you to tell us, why did you kill Joseph Hauk?"

Her blithering stopped, and she looked at them, blinking rapidly, "Who?"

"Hauk. Joseph Hauk," Esposito enunciated.

"You mean Josh's ex's shooter?"

Ryan let out a frustrated sigh, "Yes. You were on his service."

"B-but he died of heart failure."

"Yes, because you gave him an overdose of morphine," Esposito tried to delicately explain, "We have the test results."

Sam stood back up then, "What? I didn't kill him! I swear. How could you think that?"

Ryan and Esposito shared an incredulous look, before Esposito asked, "Then who did you kill?"

"Mr. Smidtz!"

The two detective's another shared a look, this time of confusion, before Esposito asked, "Harold?"

"No...his grandfather so Harold could get the inheritance!"

"You murdered two people?" Ryan tried to clarify.

"No, just the one. Mr. Smidtz. I gave him an overdose of selenium. I didn't do anything to Joseph."

"You were on his service."

"Yes, but I..." Sam brought her fingers to her temples and started to rub them, "Go back, go back...go back," Sam started to mumble.

"Is she trying to turn back time?" the blue-eyed detective whispered.

"Or she is trying to give herself a mind wipe," the brown-eyed detective whispered back.

"I didn't fill his needle! I was really upset and I remember that she gave it to me."

"We need a name," Esposito stated.

The two detectives stood there, jaws falling open as the nurse before them flapped her hands, before finally giving them a name.

* * *

><p>Kate paced about the small room that she had been put in. Karen stood in the corner by the door, next to the one of Kate's protective detail. Karen's alibi had checked out, for the time Hauk was murdered, and while Karen was hurt by it, she was probably one of the most understanding people Kate had met.<p>

Lanie was positioned in front of the door. Those three were dead serious, they would tackle her and Kate was in no condition to try and overpower them.

"Would you sit, your making me dizzy with your pacing." Lanie's tone was still clipped.

"Lanie..."

"Not now. I'm still angry. No, furious...No, livid!"

"Looks like Castle is rubbing off on you too," Kate tried to joke, but Lanie didn't smile, "Tell me what I can do to make this up to you."

"Not get shot. Not go after a mad man. Not get shot."

"Since that is pretty much my job description, how about something else."

"Not use yourself as bait. Don't go walking or running head first into things like guns."

Lanie looked at her friend and saw the anguish in Kate's green eyes, maybe now was not the time, "For now, you can tell me something salacious about you and Castle. Then we will talk about the other thing later. And we will talk about it later."

"Castle and I haven't don't anything salacious."

"They kissed," Karen stated, for her position by the door. One of Kate's detail was in the room, and he just smiled before stepping just outside the door.

"What!" Lanie flew to Kate and clutched her hands, "I can see it on your face! You're even blushing."

"I just did it to get his phone."

"How was it?" Lanie asked, completely ignoring Kate's explanation.

Kate failed at stopping the blush forming on her cheeks. And she also couldn't stop a smile tickling at her lips, "It was...fine." Hot. Sexy. Sensual. Wonderful. Made her biological clock tick ferociously.

Both Karen and Lanie groaned in discord.

"You're first kiss and it was just 'fine'?" Lanie stated, disappointingly.

Kate tried to keep her face even, but Lanie was just too good.

"Unless...it wasn't your first kiss."

"This is so much better than the romance novel I am reading right now," the nurse stated, not being able to hide the emotions she felt over the situation very well.

"We kissed when we were undercover to save Ryan and Esposito. None of this means anything. Can we drop it?"

"I'm gonna drop you if you don't start stripping off some of that denial you've been wearing, and start dressing yourself up with some Castle!"

Kate was about to berate Lanie, but stopped when she saw Karen's expression. Sparrows from the Quad had flown past the window, and it seemed to have caused the shift in Karen expression.

"Karen?" Kate called out.

"Huh? Oh...sorry, I just..."

"I'm sorry. For all of this. I know she was your friend."

Karen shrugged, "How well can you know anyone really? I just...I don't understand it. Sam...she's not mean spirited. No one who takes elderly patients outside, day after day, feeding birds would...I don't know. No, I should have known. I should have pressed her days ago, but I just let it slide."

"Thank you for telling us." Kate said reassuringly.

"You kidding? You're my patient, and if catching whoever is behind this will make you recover faster and end up in someone's arms, then I'm all for it."

"Oh, I like you," Lanie said.

"Could we change the subject?" Kate stated.

"I bet he is going to have flowers, candles, rose petals on the bed..."

Kate ignored Lanie, "Karen, you might have gotten hurt if you tried to help her."

Karen shook her head, "This is exactly how I felt when...God, what was his name...Ronalds? Renalds?.. He was a cop, or a retired one and was dying of cancer and he had no one. Remember?" Karen looked at Kate, "I told you about him and how she told him that he was better off dying in his bed, and that was the best we could hope for?"

Kate vaguely remembered the story, but a sort of sickly sweet sensation trickled down into her stomach and started to settle.

"All he wanted was someone to listen and I didn't. The way he looked at me when he left and all he could say was he couldn't take the weight of the chains anymore. Reminded me of _A Christmas Carol_. He wanted to make amends and I didn't help him."

Kate faltered. Her mind plummeting back to when she and Castle sad across from a certain detective in a diner all those months ago. Kate rushed forward and grabbed Karen by the arms, "What was his name?"

"Um...Renolds, Um...uh Rag...Raglan. Raglan. Detective John Raglan."

Lanie was there instantly by Kate's side.

"It's not Sam, it's not Sam," Kate started to mumble as the nurse's name from the Karen's story, mentioned all those days ago, came forth.

The door of the room swung wide, revealing Ryan and Esposito, "We have Sam in custody, but she didn't..."

"I know," Kate said.

Then that feeling in her stomach turned sour and her very soul started to churn as she reached for her phone. They had been listening all this time, then they would know the one person they could use to get to her. The one person who she held closest to her heart.

"We need to find Castle."

* * *

><p>Richard Castle was a man of his word. He had left the hospital and returned home. He spent time with his daughter, Alexis. Had a nice lunch and then he decided to clean the entire apartment for Beckett. The rest of the household helped before leaving him to clean his office. It was a bit of a disaster area. He had been in the middle of research, so there were books everywhere and his desk was quite a mess. He had been digging around and found something that resulted in his present condition.<p>

Rick had not answered his phone for hours. He had spent most of his time outside the hospital, pacing. He finally moved to a secluded spot, away from prying eyes, when he saw Esposito and Ryan approach a few moments ago. He couldn't face them.

Now, as Rick sat in the secluded part of the Quad of the hospital, alone with his thoughts, the trees and sparrows, he thought about what had been waiting for him in his office. It must have been there for almost a week. Just sitting there, not knowing its value, not knowing that in its small, 8x14 manila self, it held the fate of everyone he held dear.

Rick remembered Alexis had told him he got a package days ago. He thought it was nothing. Just another thing in his life that had no direct impact on the woman he would give his life for.

The writer leaned back against the bench, applying an inordinate amount of pressure against the slats of wood, hoping that something would take this numbness away from him. The numbness that came from opening the package hours ago.

The contents had been simple and from a man he had called friend, who Beckett had called Captain. All the files that had gone missing and had incriminated Roy and most of those involved.

Along with the files were four letters and a key.

The letter addressed to him was straightforward. Rick had read it so many times that he had it memorized.

_Rick,_

_We both know why I sent this to you. It is the same reason why I allowed you to follow Beckett since the beginning. _

_Enclosed are the files that will incriminate myself and others. I have no doubt that Kate has asked you to cover my involvement up, but we both know that if she is to ever have closure on this, that my involvement cannot be hidden. When the time comes do not be afraid to use this files to help her. All that I ask is that you give the other letters that are enclosed to my wife and daughters, so they understand why._

_This brings me to the key you are no doubt clutching in your hand. It will lead you to the person who is behind the curtain. I will not name him here, and you won't find his name in the files I have provided in this package because I want you to understand the ramifications of what the key unlocks._

_The person behind this is ruthless, cunning, and has eyes and ears in places you would least expect and would likely expect. His reach is beyond the scope of the law at this point. We both know that if Kate knew who was behind this she would run straight towards him, and you cannot bring him down like that. He has covered his tracks well and will sacrifice anyone and anything to keep on doing so. _

_I managed to buy you some time. The originals of all these files have been sent to him. It's part of the evidence that could lead anyone to him. He will be satisfied for now. However, as Beckett gets closer he will not hesitate to kill her and you for that matter, and your family. She won't stop, but maybe you will be able to slow her down some. Reign her in enough so when the time finally comes, you can take him down and end all of this._

_I know what I'm asking of you. I know the risks that are involved. It is up to you, Rick. All she could ever want is now in your possession and only you will know when the right time to give it to her will be._

_The first time Kate brought you in for questioning, I knew. You are good for her. Take care of her like she deserves. Stand with her and above all else, make her smile, everyday._

_Roy._

Rick placed his face in his hands and heard the sparrow's feet clatter against the pavement after wayward seeds. He had shoved everything in the safe in his office and raced to the hospital, only to be stripped of his courage to face her. If he told her now, she wouldn't recover. Guns a blazing would be all her mind would focus on. If he waited, though; if he waited until she was better, until he had a chance to make a plan. If he could somehow make her stop and take a break, regroup. It boiled down to whether to give her what she wants and watch her walk to her death, or keep it hidden for as long as he could, knowing that when it did come out he would probably lose her.

If he could just... He felt the bench shift and looked over. His eyes landed, first on the barrel of the gun, wrapped in news paper, aimed at him. Then he looked up into the face of the person who was holding it.

"I think it's time we talked about your lovely Detective Beckett."

She drew her tongue over her snaggle tooth and snickered.

* * *

><p>So there you have it Ladies and Gents', the twist! IF you are sitting there going, "WHAT? No way, not her!" But it's true. I hope I placed enough clues throughout the chapters to make it believable. I tried to plan it that way, but I could have easily have messed it up. As for the package, Alexis mentioned that in chapter 5, I believe, just in case any of you were wondering.<p>

I would love to know what you thought. I know it is not the best, but if you read it, or any part of this story and have liked it, or lumped it, even remotely, then feel free to tell me what you did and did not like. That would be greatly appreciated.

All of you who have reviewed, read, alerted or favoured are wonderful. Truly, you are. I do believe there is only one chapter left. Maybe two. I still haven't decided if I am going to split it or not. Anyway, I would love to hear from you since we are drawing to the end. If not (I know this story isn't everyone's cup of tea), as always, thank you for reading my work. You have my gratitude.

Next update should be Sunday or Monday. (update: hopefully Monday, but it might be whenever I get back during the week. Thanks for your patience )

Cheers,

Rini :D


	11. Love's Indemnity

Chapter 11: Love's Indemnity

* * *

><p>Rick tried to scan the area around him. Only sparrows were near enough, and they would and could not help him. Off in the distance there were voices. Muffled joys of greetings and goodbyes. Too far. Too big of a risk. He had picked this spot for a reason: seclusion. He got what he wanted, except for the mad woman, of course. That was an added bonus as was the gun pointed at him.<p>

It wasn't the first time he had been held at gun point. It probably wouldn't be the last. Well, it might be, if the woman, whom he had dubbed Nurse Mishap for the past two weeks, squeezed her rather stout finger even a fraction. By the look in her narrow, dark eyes, she was thinking about it.

"I've rendered you speechless," her low voice clipped along her throat and came out even lower between her thin lips. She could have had an accent once, but she fought hard to not let it escape with her words now. "How befitting. Let's give that mind of yours a jump start."

His eyes looked down at the ground where her foot tapped against a brown bag. Inside he could see the top of a stuffed bear. Black. Plush. Recognition came instantly.

"What have you done to Kate?" Castle went to get up, his legs finally kicking into the flight response. It was short lived when she gave a curt shake of her head. Gun. Right. She had one of those.

"If I had killed her, why would I waste my time with you?"

"If you have hurt her in anyway I'll-"

"You'll what? Charm me to death? You already tried that for the past two weeks." She smiled. The leaves from the trees were casting shadows on her face. Dark was competing with light. "I think now is a good time for you to slide over your phone."

He reached into his pocket and slid his phone along the bench until it was clutched by portly fingers.

"What do you want?"

"To die in my bed, when I am old," she said wryly.

"Great. We have something in common. How about we call it a day?" Rick honestly didn't know how to approach this situation. He fell back on his skills. Since he had no pen. His words would have to work if they didn't decide to fail him now.

She seemed amused by his attempt. Not an ounce of fear rested in her features, not even her unibrow or snaggletooth. It was unnerving since he was fairly certain that she would kill him. He could see it in her eyes. That lust for death. She liked her job. Probably got a ham or something at Christmas. Two bodies equaled a ham; three and you get an extra grand or two. And so on and so on.

Her smile widened when her eyes moved from his face to his chest, "Finally." She placed her gun in the bag, next to the bear.

Castle thought it was a bad joke. Now she was unarmed? What the hell? He went to move but she stopped him with what was a laugh of some kind.

"Look down," she chuckled.

He did and found himself flinging himself back until his lower back was pressed so hard into the slats of the bench he could very well be bruising instantaneously.

"Right over the heart, where it will always hurt the most."

A red dot was right over his chest. His heart, as if it knew its own peril, tried to beat itself to a new location in his chest.

"She's new. Efficient. Will rise through the ranks since most of them are dead. In my opinion she has better aim than Hauk. Even better aim than Lockwood. Give your hand a wave. She's a big fan of your work."

His hand shook as he brought it up and waved to the owner of the red dot on his chest. He scanned what partial parts of the buildings he could see from the secluded spot. He looked for a flash of light like he saw in the cemetery before Kate was shot. Nothing. He looked back down at his chest where the read dot was now roaming over his blue dress shirt, between his black lapels of his jacket. Its outline seemed to be in the shape of a heart.

"That will make her day."

"Glad I could help," he wiped the cold clammy sweat from his hands onto his jeans.

She gave a grand sigh. Relief for her was setting in, "I've been watching you and your detective. And so has_ he. _"

"Sightseeing. Great hobby."

Her eyes narrowed in a cunning manner. Years and years of cunningness. Cleverness. Coldness. The hatred he had felt from her for weeks came back. All of it was real. Right before him, now hidden underneath this smiling form. He didn't feel so bad about not being able to woo her now.

"Very droll, Rick. You don't mind if I call you Rick, do you?"

His name sounded wrong coming from her. It only ever sounded truly right when it came from Kate.

"Why would I?" He croaked out, "And what do I call you?"

"Oh, Nurse Mishap is fine. I find it ironic. Never knew the mis-happenings that were right in front of you. Or if that stings your ego, Aggie will do fine."

It did sting. Castle should have known that she had been behind this. He had felt that nagging feeling for days now. The same feeling when there was a plot point went missing. He resisted the urge to reach and grab his phone from her or make a run for it. He tried to focus on Kate's face instead.

"Still worried about her I see."

It was never a question of would he die for her. He would and the woman across from him knew that. "If you're going to kill me to get to her, it won't work."

"Won't it? I think it would. I think it would crush her. Make her stupid with rage and send her flying straight towards another bullet. But...don't worry, right now I have no intentions of killing you."

"That's reassuring. More so if I didn't have a sniper gunning for me."

"As I was saying. We've been keeping a close eye on her. This situation highly...fascinating for _him_." She paused. Castle watched her brows furrow. The expression suggested that she didn't like whomever was behind this. Maybe there was no ham at Christmas. Maybe it was just stockings full of bullets and fear.

"Is he your master or something? Do you have a special whistle you answer too?" Castle supplied.

"Now, now. There is no need for that," she said, still amused if anything.

"Sorry, but my decorum falls dramatically when I'm being threatened."

"Then you aren't going to like this next part."

"The part where you threaten me?"

"Yes. I personally hate threats. I much prefer the feel of the needle piercing the skin or the pretty patterns brain matter can make against concrete. So let's call this a cautionary story. You like stories, don't you?"

"It depends on the story."

"Very true. I've heard many in my life. The most recent one though, wasn't as pleasant." A few moments past. A few sparrows flew from tree to tree around them. "I found out my son had died." Her tone turned menacing so instantaneously that he expected the earth to open her up and claim her once again. "You probably didn't meet him, but Roy put a bullet in his head in that hangar, along with Lockwood. Did you know that?"

Castle just shook his head. Damn. In what ever twisted way it was, she loved her son. He could see that in her dark eyes. There was grief there, anger, but not just directed at Rick. Maybe at whomever was giving her orders. "Of course, you wouldn't. Paper trails, you see. We know how to make those disappear along with people as well."

Castle said nothing as his mind drifted to the safe in his apartment, where a stack of documents were now kept, to his daughter, to Kate. The stakes were high.

"But for all our care we may have over looked you. When you came into Detective Beckett's life, started writing those books, we thought she would be distracted enough by the Play boy. She had stopped searching by then and you would keep her occupied. Roy assured us of this."

Castle felt anger surge over Roy. Residual anger for what he had done, and for what they had done to him.

"Yes, yes. Losing Roy was sad for us all. Was with us since the beginning."

"You...were there? When Raglan and McAllister and..."

She shook her head. He stared at her features. The crows feet. The dirty brown hair, tinged with grey streaks. There was only one option left.

"You've been with him since the beginning. You knew him before he became what he is."

Her eyes took on a knowing glow, "I saw an opportunity and took my chance. For people like me, it was the only option."

"That's your excuse?"

"Why not? Plenty of people in the world to kill. I especially like your kind."

His kind? White? Rich? Writer? He went with the middle one, "I'll give anything you want for her safety. Anything."

"Of course you will, but that's not what I meant. Your kind, as in people in love."

Castle felt his heart sink in the bile that had been churning in his stomach.

"Now tell me, were you in love with her from the moment you saw her? Of course you were. Lovely girl. Stunning and morals to back up that badge. You wanted to make it all better for her. Be the hero. Solve her mother's murder. Yes, worked out well for you didn't it?"

Guilt rooted him motionless, even more-so than the gun at the moment. If he hadn't meddled, if he hadn't pried, all of this would be different.

"Oh, there it is," she deliciously cooed, "Guilt. Beautiful, tormenting guilt. You stuck your nose where it didn't belong and because of that the case was re-opened. My son is dead. Roy is dead and she was shot. Am I wrong? No, of course not. You said it yourself."

Rick gripped the edges of the bench with his hands. All sensation had gone. "I don't recall having a heart to heart with you."

"My favorite part was when you told her that sad, little story about when you were a little, lonely boy. How could she not love you for that? She even agreed to stay at your home. Precious," she spat.

Rick's eyes jetted to the bear. "You've been listening for a while now. Nice touch."

"The bear was a way to get information after Hauk failed. Damn junky. I knew he had a problem and was proven right. He couldn't even kill her. Then it fell to me since she came to my hospital."

Castle's mind started to reel back. Pieces fell this way and that. How many people did this murderous man behind the curtain have? He thought of Roy's letter. There were eyes and ears everywhere. Loyal eyes and ears by the looks of it. But then again if Rick needed to, he had eyes and ears in places too. Friends from both ends of the human spectrum from researching for his books. Roy had thought this one through.

"So you killed Hauk," Castle continued.

She did laugh then. He expected a cackle, or a banshee cry, but it wasn't. It was normal, throaty, probably the last sound many people had heard before they had died.

"Yes, I played a hand in it, but even in my old age I never thought my scapegoat would actually be so tainted. I thought Sam was the perfect mark. Love, Rick, love changes people and boy do I have proof of that."

"If it fell to you, why didn't you just..." he couldn't say it. Hell, he never wanted to think about it again, "You had plenty of opportunity."

"Did I?"

Castle thought about what happened over the last two weeks. When Kate had been alone or...she wasn't alone. Not for any extended periods of time. He had been there. All of them had been there.

"Always there. Devoted as I've seen any man. But then, if you can believe it, Roy came through. Shocked us all that he would give that to us. "

"Is that why you didn't ..try to again?" Castle asked, hardly audible.

"He sent us enough...insurance for her safe keeping."

"Why keep spying her. Us?"

"One can never have too much insurance. Who knows if Roy made copies..." Rick kept his face rooted in fear at what she might say next, "... sent them to her or if he was going to release them to the press. So we waited. He waited. Hauk waited. I waited. It became clear that while she knew nothing, that none of you knew anything, we could do with a bit more insurance. That's were you come in."

"Thank you for making this an interactive story," Castle chided, feeling his stomach upturn for the hundredth time.

"He is a chronic opportunist and knew you were special. You see, unlike Roy, who loved Detective Beckett like a daughter, you love her with a zeal that is practically Shakespearean. That's why he's been on this "Hamlet" kick. He does feel awful about trying to kill her."

"It shows."

"Now, now. He feels that it is in everyone's business to let all of this die down for a while. Let prying eyes fall to another focus."

The media. There was plenty of coverage. Too much coverage. Anderson and Carson had sniffed out a few problems with Montgomery's death, and even Beckett's shooting. Maybe they weren't close, but if anything happened so soon after Beckett's shooting then every cop in the city wouldn't rest until this madman was caught.

"I guess our deaths would be too much focus at the moment."

It was there behind her eyes. They had been listening. They knew exactly who was or wasn't important to Kate and to him. He felt his fear capsize inside of him. It spread, shoved it's way around, urging the flight response, but there he sat.

"While the lovely Detective Beckett doesn't know the who, she definitely isn't going to give up. Am I right? Of course I am. Now we have come that that part in the story."

"Are we finally at the threat? You need work on your story telling."

"Ricky-boy, you should know that women like foreplay. I am no exception."

That image punched its way into his over active imagination, and kept punching. He was certain it would plague his nightmares until the day he died. At least she wasn't calling him 'Rick' anymore.

"What are his terms?" He looked down and watched the sniper twirl a figure eight on his chest.

"He offers you the same deal he gave Roy. Keep her on a tight leash, keep her from pursuing her mother's case or else she dies. And not just her."

"How do I know you won't just kill her anyway?"

"A deal is a deal. Besides, she is at square one. She may sniff here or there, but while she has been healing we have been...tying up a few loose ends. Your detectives found nothing for a reason. Once I leave here, I will become a ghost. He has promised me that after years of service. That will give you plenty of time to woo her, won't it? To make her yours. That is what you want, isn't it?"

"And if I say no?"

She grinned, "Are you?"

He shook his head, "I accept."

"Excellent. A verbal contract. Oh, don't look like you've just made a deal with the devil. The devil would have been kinder." She got to her feet, "I'm afraid our time has come to an end."

"A shame. Really," Castle joked, sensing that he may actually walk a way from this.

"When I am safely away, you will be free to go." She put his phone on the other end of the bench with a little piece of paper on it, "Don't move until the dot is gone. If you do then she likes to start off with...lower regions first."

They stared at each other for a moment. Deep down, in a place he rarely accessed, he tucked away the image of her dying in a gruesome way. Painful. Horrible. She must have seen it because she grinned.

"That's the spirit. Dig deep, Ricky-boy and remember if you love her she'll live."

Her words faded away from his ears as her fleshy body walked away from his vision. Rick sat motionless, feeling his body start to shake in response. Minutes rolled on, his phone buzzed constantly. The sniper ran through the gambit of shapes on his chest and some on his crotch. Sweat trailed down the side of his face. He didn't know how long it was, but when he looked down again the dot was gone. No more shapes. He waited some for more minutes to tick on buy until he slowly heard police cars heading towards the hospital.

He slowly stood, testing the waters. Each step his muscles ceased preparing for a bullet to enter his body. Rick reached down for his phone and lifted the card in his eye-line.

"All that lives must die,

Passing through nature to eternity."

More "Hamlet." Excellent.

Rick tucked it in his coat pocket along with his phone before the sound of people calling him came closer. He turned and found Ryan and Esposito sprinting towards him.

"Castle!" Esposito yelled.

Castle's mind instantly went to Beckett and he felt his legs wobbled as he moved towards them, "Is it Kate? Is she OK?"

"She's fine," Ryan rushed out, "We couldn't get a hold of you and she thought something had happened because Aggie Renalds, she is the one who-"

"I know."

The brown-eyed detective gave him a hard expression, "Oh, so you have time to read your messages, but not answer them?"

"No, Aggie...she was just here. We had a heart to heart. Lovely woman. Owns a gun, has friends in high places." He put his hand over his chest making sure there were no holes.

"Are you...OK?" Ryan asked.

"I think I need to change my pants, but otherwise, just another typical day."

"Castle, what is going on? She kills Hauk, tries to frame Sam, holds you at gun point and now we can't find her anywhere," Esposito stated, trying to figure how everything fit together.

"You won't find her. She's done her job. Killed Hauk, spied on Kate with the bear, and gave me an ultimatum."

Kevin and Javier grew quiet before the latter asked the question they were all thinking about, "Same one he gave Montgomery?"

Castle bowed his head. There wasn't too many options at this point. Eyes and ears everywhere. The dust needed to settle. Kate needed to recover. Rick needed time to figure all of this out.

"We're in," Esposito said.

"I can't ask you to do that. Besides, Ryan can't use his tunnel excuse anymore."

"I will become impervious to her Beckett-Jedi-mind trick thing...we need to keep her safe, and for now that means from herself." The blue-eyed detective had a stead-fast expression; he was more than serious.

"We have your back Castle, and hers." Esposito confirmed, "We'll handle the precinct and you can handle her...elsewhere."

"Subtle."

"This is no time for subtlety."

Castle sighed and looked back at the bench where he was just been held hostage, "She can't know about this either."

"No kidding. You were subdued by Granny Goodness."

Castle and Esposito gave Ryan a hard look.

"Too soon?" Ryan asked.

Castle nodded as Esposito slugged his partner in the arm.

"Anything you find about Aggie, bury it. She can't get close again or they will..."

"We know. Did she say anything else, at all?" Esposito asked.

Castle thought about the files in his safe again, and the key. Those would remain hidden. For now, people were safer not knowing anything.

"No. Nothing. Let's go. I need to see Kate." He needed to wrap his arms around her, no matter how much she tried to push him away.

The two detectives shared a look over the shortness of that answer, but decided to let it drop for now.

Esposito fell into stride with Castle and Ryan, walking away from the secluded area, "She'll won't even recognize you."

Castle had already forgotten, "I feel naked without it." He rubbed his hand over his now bare face. They shared a light laugh as they walked towards the hospital.

While Ryan and Esposito filled him in on what had been happening, Castle felt his conscience grow heavier; an unbearable weight that sunk his heart deeper into depths he never thought he would ever have for any woman.

As he approached the hospital doors he resigned himself fully to what he was about to do.

* * *

><p>"Kate, you need to slow down," Lanie ordered as they entered the elevator. Lanie quickly pressed the button for Kate's floor. The detective was too addled to notice.<p>

"I'm fine." She wasn't, but she didn't care. "I've called Alexis, Martha, my dad, Paula, Gina. No one has heard from him."

It wasn't like him. Not given the circumstances. Something felt off and it wasn't just Kate's stomach trying to suppress it's contents down; it was that feeling that she could usually back up with her gun and her badge. She had none of that now. She felt stripped. Naked. Helpless. Vulnerable. And her body was finally beginning to riot. Her muscles were waving signs. Her heart was storming the gates.

"Detective Beckett you will collapse if you don't stop. Your body cannot handle this at the moment," Karen said as they got off the elevator.

Kate knew they were right. She felt it. Her legs were heavy. Her head, featherlight. Each step, and now each breath, was a challenge. Pain was there, but fear outweighed it. Guilt outweighed it. Where the hell was he?

"We need to take you back to your room," Karen urged.

Room.

The bear.

They had been listening and were still listening. She could tell them, that she will do anything to get him back. Anything to keep him safe.

Anything.

She started to run, or what her body called running at the moment, towards her room. Her chest seared as her diaphragm expanded. Lanie told Karen to go get Dr. Wallace or Josh, but Kate didn't care; she needed to get to her room.

The detective burst through the door and searched the the room.

It was gone.

She started knocking over the flowers looking for it.

"What are you doing?" Lanie asked as she entered the room. She rushed over and tried to stop her friend with tears in her eyes.

"The bear. It's...it's gone!" It seemed like any loose end she tried to grab refused to be tied.

"Nurse Mishap...Aggie, whoever she was, must have taken it back," Lanie stated, "Sam confessed that it was Aggie who gave her the basket and the bear in the first place."

Kate could feel the sweat on her forehead and wiped it off with her trembling hand. Her mind was telling her wait for evidence. Proof that he was in danger or that he was fine, but her gut and heart would have none of that.

"What would I tell Alexis?" she started to mumble.

What on earth would she tell Alexis and Martha? That he died because of her? She couldn't do that to them. She knew what it was like to lose a parent and to rip Alexis' father away from her at such a young age, almost the same age when Kate had lost her mother; she couldn't do that.

Kate's evergreen eyes shot to her best friend, "I wanted him there, Lanie. I told him that when I find who is behind all of this I wanted him there. Why? Why would I do that to his family? He didn't ask for any of this."

"Neither did you. There's nothing wrong with wanting him to be with you. Nothing. You need someone Kate."

"That's just it! I had Josh. All summer and all year and it...it wasn't enough."

Lanie put her hands on her friend's arms to steady her, "Ryan and Javie are out looking for him and the police are on their way. They will find him. He might have just turned off his phone in the excitement of getting the loft ready. He could just be out buying a red carpet for you to walk on," Lanie tried to lighten the mood.

Kate looked deeper into her friends soulful, brown eyes. "I should have never let him get this close. Last fall, I should have ended it then."

"Kate Beckett, you listen to me... he would have found a way. He can't stay away, and you know why."

Kate shook her head. Everyone made it sound so simple. If only it was.

Kate had let things slide. She had let him linger, from his touch to his lips to his heart. Kate reveled in his laugh; allowed it to wash over her in times of grief and joy. She gravitated towards him just to hear a quip, or a stroke of wit. He popped up in conversation when she least expected it to, whenever she talked with her father, Lanie, and even when she was with Josh. When she went shopping she had to stop and find his cologne to smell it, or his shaving cream, or buy his paperback books when she already had them in hardcover.

From his childlike antics to the way he sat in the chair beside her desk. Everything. All of it. All of him. Centuries of tales, stories and lore spoke of it. And yet she could not voice it because as much as she would die for him, he would do the same.

She couldn't let that happen. Other people loved him too. He deserved a life without death creeping so closely all the time.

"I won't let him die for me." Her voice was harsh, stoic, heart broken. She contracted the muscles in her legs so they would still support her.

"They will find him."

"Find who?" A familiar voice said.

The two women's gazes flung to the man standing in the doorway, quickly followed by Ryan and Esposito.

"Look who we found," Ryan stated, "Bullet free too."

"Castle, you scared us to death!" Lanie wanted to slug him in the arm, but she noticed that Kate had shoved away from her, staring as if she saw a ghost.

Rick was there. Clean shaven. Blue-eyed. Hair falling just so over a part of his forehead. There was no blood. No gashes. He was dapper, handsome and safe.

Blue and green eyes locked, a gesture that they both had become accustomed to. Both felt that pull to throw their arms around each other, but neither of them did. Kate turned and walked as strongly as she could towards the window. She braced her hands on the sill, knowing her legs didn't have much left in them.

"Told you she wouldn't recognize you," Esposito whispered.

Kate took a couple of deep breaths and looked at her reflection in the window. She ordered herself to get a grip. Ordered her body to stand strong.

"You missed a bit of excitement, Castle." Her voice was strained, for whatever reason she could not get a strong hold on heart rate.

Castle took a step towards her, "They filled me in. I now have a policy that no one with a unibrow can be trusted."

Light chuckles escaped a few, but not from Kate. She finally turned to the room, not certain what exactly they were seeing, other than her pale skin and slipping composure.

"Kate, maybe you should-" Castle started.

"Maybe you should answer your god-damned phone!" She yelled as pain seared her chest.

He took another step towards her, "I'm so-"

She put her hand up to stop him and ran her fingers through her hair, "Aggie couldn't have gotten far."

"Ryan and I will go and help with searching the hospital," Esposito volunteered.

"She won't be here," Kate said, "Check the buses, the trains, airports, subways. Find any cameras in the area. Someone had to have seen something."

"On-it," the two male detectives stated before leaving the room. Kate's voice stopped them.

"No. Get some guys from the 12th to cover. You two need to go home, spend some time with Jenny and Lanie needs a ride home."

"Beckett, we know more about this than-" Esposito started.

"I know," that was the problem, "Just do as I ask." Kate turned back to the window once more. They weren't going to do anymore for this case. They were off it and she would keep them that way. Now it was just Castle she had to contend with.

"Maybe we should give them a moment." The ME squeezed Castle's arm, "Glad you are alright," Lanie whispered before following Ryan and Esposito out of the room.

"I wasn't in any danger," his voice was even, almost rehearsed. Her gut had been wrong, she had to get used to that since her gut had been telling her for months to latch onto Castle and never let him go.

"I just forgot to turn on my phone. It was stupid. I'm sorry."

"You got the stupid part right."

She heard him take a few steps towards her, but she couldn't move. Her body was no longer taking orders.

"Kate?"

She couldn't respond. There were no more leads. Her mother's case had stagnated, dangling just out of her reach. For all of her strength, for all the certainty she had fought for in her life, she felt it waver. And all she had fought to keep hidden was now being exhumed, seeking his touch, his flesh, a home with him. It was real, tangible and begged to be explored.

That's why she had to stamped it down underneath any 'if only' she could find, with the very last of her strength. She bowed her head and tried to take deep breaths, but it was no use, she was gasping for air. Her body had warned her and now there were no more warnings left.

Her legs cambered.

Her arms buckled against the windowsill.

Ricked yelled her name.

He lifted her from the ground. Her cheek landed softly against his chest, allowing his strong heartbeat to sooth her.

As blackness enveloped her, she heard his soft, steady voice.

"I will keep you safe. Always."

* * *

><p>I truly hope you enjoyed this rather angsty chapter. I had Kate's body fail her because I wanted for her to be at her most vulnerable state. The type of surgery that she had, it takes weeks, actually months, for her to recover. But, of course, true to who she is, she will rise from what was and forge on ahead. And Castle, other than finally shaving, I wanted the sniper to be a woman because the dynamic of having women fawn over him, or him being surrounded by women, good and bad, I find very interesting.<p>

I truly hope all of you have enjoyed this chapter. To all of you who reviewed and/or read the last chapter and the story so far, thank you. It is always a pleasure to read your thoughts, and the critiques were such a big help (I will work of limiting my metaphors!). If you have a few moments to spare, and enjoyed this chapter, or favoured/Alerted this story at some point, feel free to tell me so. Your feedback (good, bad, emotionally crippling) is always appreciated. As always though, you have my gratitude for simply reading my work.

This was supposed to be the last chapter, but I swear I am incapable of writing something short. So the last chapter of "A Sparrow's Fall" will be this Sunday. I hope to see all of you then.

Cheers,

Rini :D


	12. Deflecting Ascent

Chapter 12: Deflecting Ascent

* * *

><p>Kate regarded the view from her hospital window. The western sun relayed its message of hope with golden streams that bounced and played with the greenery and twittering songs of the birds in the quad below. It was a quiet evening. Peaceful. Any shadows playing along the concrete were just a reminder of the false armistice that had happened within herself.<p>

Kate tore her vision away from the world she was about to rejoin. It had been two days since she had collapsed. It had been two days of tests until it was finally decided that she was fit to be released. Kate looked around the room that had been her quasi home? Resting place? Whatever it was, there was an attachment to it that probably had everything to do with Castle.

Castle had been by her side for the last two days, and while they volleyed words back and forth in their familiar way, each look that was stolen was one of melancholy. He had become pensive, but his demeanor changed every time she tried to push him away. He would push back. One thing that was certain, things needed to fall back to how they were. One where he was on his side of the wall and she was on hers.

The detective moved about the room, putting her clothes in her duffel bag. She made the bed, even though it would be stripped. She wanted to leave no evidence that she was here. No evidence that for two weeks they had shared this room together. That he had seen her at her lowest. No evidence that Detective Kate Beckett couldn't take on the world.

After trailing the zipper along its path, Kate reached into her pocket to retrieve her mother's ring. She hadn't been able to wear it since she collapsed, since she felt like she was forsaking the memory of her mother.

Kate held the small ring in the palm of her hand as she leaned against the windowsill. She brought her fingers around it and squeezed it so hard that she hoped it would bore into her flesh and give her strength. Give her answers.

"I'm so sorry, Mom," she whispered to the empty room.

Kate heard a brief knock on the door before Karen entered the room. Smile wide, eyes full of joy.

"You aren't even on shift today," Kate said in an accusatory fashion.

Karen just smiled wider, "I switched shifts so I could see my favorite patient off."

"I'm your favorite?" Kate asked, in complete disbelief.

"Sure, there were moments when I wanted to sedate you and strap you to the bed, but overall, you did spice up my life a bit."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. Because of you we know that Aggie is a deranged murderer and Sam is stuffed with stupid."

Aggie Renalds had done what she set out to do. Now she was a ghost. No leads. Kate didn't expect there would be.

"Things seemed to have settled down here, now that you are in charge."

"More paper work, longer hours, not much more pay, but I get to boss a bunch of people around. I'm gonna love it. Speaking of L.O.V.E...where is that writer of yours?"

"He should be here soon."

"Good. That's good." Karen rocked on her heels, smiling.

"You want an autograph, don't you?"

"No, actually. I got one of those from him once. Years ago. I was one of 'those' girls."

"He signed your chest?"

"I swear, one minute I am calm and collected, then he smiled at me and next thing I knew I was walking away with his signature on my breast."

"Soft hands," Kate stated knowingly.

"The man knows how to moisturize."

"If it is not an autograph, then it must be those secret pics you have been taking of us."

"True to your profession, I see." Karen reached for her phone and turned to show Kate. "He asked me to take a few pics of the two of you. Nothing salacious, well there is that one of him sleeping on your hand. So cute!"

"Would you mind?" Kate gestured to the phone.

"Of course not!" Karen jumped on the bed and patted the spot next to her. Kate did as she asked and soon the two of them were looking at pictures of Castle, Kate and everyone who had visited her. They were pictures of her family. Of people who she had already tried to push away. Kate was surprised that she was smiling in some of these. A smile that seemed to be linked to one man which made Kate's hearts soar and sink all at once.

"This one is from yesterday. Even though he kept it trimmed, I'm so glad that he shaved that thing off his face."

It really didn't matter to Kate, beard or not he was still Castle. She was dying to touch his face though. She denied herself the act for two days, or some would say three years.

"How many more do you have?"

"I am not going to give you a number, because I'm pretty sure you would have me arrested for stalking."

Kate smiled. She was going to miss Karen.

"This one. Really, no, you need to fawn over this one."

The green-eyed detective regarded the picture. It was one of the times when Castle had fallen asleep in his chair when Karen came to do her rounds. This particular picture captured Kate tucking a blanket around him and moving his hair away from his face. Maybe she would keep that one. Who was she kidding? She was going to keep all of them. Mementos from a time with him that she may never have again.

"Go on. Keep looking at them all, you know you want to. There are tons of him sleeping on your hand. One of you drooling as well. He insisted I take that one."

As Karen's animated voice continued, Kate started to flip through the pictures, or more like evidence of what most people could only dream of finding. She kept clicking on until a particular picture came into focus.

"Who is this?"

"Oh... Harold Smidtz," Karen made her best disgusted face. "The guy who conspired with Sam to kill his own grandfather for his inheritance, only to find out there was no money. Karma bitch slapped his sorry dirt-bag ass," Karen stated through clenched teeth.

Kate gave Karen an amused look.

"What I meant to say, in a more professional manner, that I didn't care for him and he got what he deserved."

Kate studied the picture some more. That's when she saw it. Two people just down the hall from where Harold was standing. It was a short, stubby set of arms holding a bouquet of flowers. Lilies. The person holding the flowers was out of the shot, but the person handing over a bag wasn't.

Kate got up from the bed and moved back towards the window, so Karen would not notice her actions. She regarded the picture once again. The arms were probably Aggie's, because the flowers were most definitely lilies and in the bag, poking out the top, were two black, plush ears that no doubt belonged to a teddy bear that Kate knew all too well.

Kate's green eyes zeroed in on the person handing over the bag. She was young. Younger than Kate. Her black, cropped hair fell just below her ears, making her sharp features even more defined. She wasn't very tall, but she was in good shape. It wasn't the clearest image, but it was enough. She could be just courier, or she could be so much more. It was a lead. Suddenly, she felt some of those loose ends come a little bit closer and the weight of her mother's ring, still in her hand, seemed to decrease.

"Has Castle seen these?" The detective asked Karen.

"No, not yet. Why? Do you not want him too?"

"No, that's fine, he'll...he'll want them. Would you mind if I kept these?"

"I must insist that you do! Go ahead and forward them."

Kate quickly sent herself the picture, before deleting it off Karen's phone. She also sent herself the other ones as well.

"Thanks." She gave the phone back to the nurse.

"He was cute in pretty much all of them, right?"

Kate just smiled softly, garnering a stern look from Karen.

"I'm not going to pretend I know anything about what went on or what will happen between you two, but just between you and me, just once, say it." Karen waited, her hands gripping the edge of the bed, leaning towards Kate.

"He's...handsome," Kate mumbled, "Ruggedly handsome."

Karen gave a squeal, jumped off the bed and hugged the detective as gently as she could, "I'm going to miss you, but you are in good, strong, big, very big hands."

All Kate could do was allow her cheeks to be stained momentarily red, as the image of Castle was now competing with the image of the mysterious young woman from the picture.

"Well, I am going to go and get all of your release forms ready." Karen made her way to the door.

"Oh, could you get my insurance papers ready as well. I need to have everything in order."

Karen froze by the door, "Um. Right. Sure. OK." She said before quickly leaving the room.

Kate only noted the oddness briefly before she found herself reaching for her phone. She stared at the picture again. She knew what it meant. Knew what it could lead too. But this time would be different.

Roy had spoken the truth in the hangar. If he told her who was behind it then she would have ran right to him and she probably would be dead and not just wounded. This was a new game. Higher stakes and she was going to do this right. But she would have to take her time. Search out the evidence she needed and above all else, she needed her strength back.

The weakness, the utter uselessness, she felt from being here, stung. She only remembered feeling like this right after her mother's death, before she found a purpose, a goal to strive towards. She believed in her badge. Believed in the pursuit of what was right and just. Kate squeezed her hand over her mother's ring. She believed that no one was safe with this madman on the loose, thinking he had a right to a life when the bodies of good people provided the foundation for it.

That hunger from within started to find the light of day again. Kate tamed it. She needed time and she would do it with the friend and foe known as: solitude.

Castle, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie...none of them could know she was pursuing this again. This was her fight. Only hers. That way everyone would be kept safe.

The only problem was, how on earth was she going to keep Castle away when all she really wanted was to never let him go?

Kate was brought out of her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door, followed by his voice.

"I hope you aren't dressed yet." He poked his head through the door and looked at her with a disappointed look.

"I'm surprised you even knocked."

Castle came through the door holding a thin, black box in his hand, "It was a toss up. I would love nothing more than to walk in on you changing again."

"Once will have to be enough."

'For now' his eyes told her. "Finished packing?"

Kate nodded before noticing him fiddling with the item in his hand. "Whatcha got there, Castle? I hope you aren't buying me presents."

"No, but my mother decided that you needed a present."

"For finally leaving the hospital?"

"For putting up with me for two weeks."

"Smart woman." She took the box from him. "Do you know what it is?"

He shook his head, "I'm sure it is something that will cause me to squirm uncomfortably which should mean that you'll love it."

Kate untied the simple red ribbon and took the lid off the small black box. Her mother's ring slipped down from her hand and fell against a picture of a boy. A young, chubby cheeked Richard Castle, wearing an apron, covered in mud and holding a handful of gummy worms. Kate ran her finger along the side of the frame, her mother's chain following the action.

"What is it?" Castle craned his neck, trying to see what it was.

Kate held it down so he could see. She expected him to cause a bit of fuss, but nothing came. She looked up into his warm, glistening eyes.

"I was pretty cute, huh?"

"Too bad you grew out of it."

"Oooh, feisty."

"You don't mind if I keep this?"

He shook his head, "I wouldn't want anyone else to have it."

Kate gingerly placed the lid back on the box. She really shouldn't accept it, but there was no way she was ever going to give it back.

Castle reached over and tugged on her mother's necklace, "May I?"

She nodded. He untangled the chain until the ring fell between them, swayed and twirled. His hands brought the chain up and placed in around her head. It fell against her chest as he lifted her long wavy hair from underneath it. The writer's right hand lingered as he trailed down the chain until he held the ring in his palm.

Kate watched his face. Each feature had known hardships, but since he had decided to shadow her she noticed they had grown deeper. His care-free life had been given a reality check. They had both been given a reality check. That's why it was there on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to asked her to walk away from her mother's case. But he said nothing.

Then something foreign passed over his features. A dark shadow. A weight of some kind that she had seen building over the last two days. His eyes glimmered with a unforgiving sincerity. As promise to someone, maybe her, maybe her mother or maybe even to himself. She wasn't sure what it was exactly, but it caused her heart to hitch.

The ring slipped from his hand and they ended up just looking at who they had become and who they were to each other. So much was left undefined and yet something lingered between the two of them that went beyond the mere attraction they felt for each other. It tingled. It teased. It throbbed. It was powerful enough to cause Kate to reach up and place her hand on his cheek wishing things could be different. Maybe they could have been if choices hadn't already been made.

"Nice too see you are still keeping up your grooming habits," she whispered as her hand dropped. Barriers, she needed those again.

He must have sensed she was pulling away because he broached a subject neither of them had talked about. "About the other day..."

"What about it?" Both of them avoided talking about the collapse and what had happened. Probably for the same revealing reasons.

"I never meant to turn my phone off. If I had known that Aggie was behind it, I would have never left your side."

"I know, Castle. But you can't expect me to believe you were just out strolling."

He paused. She waited.

"I was..." there was such a tumultuous turnover in his blue eyes that she couldn't pinpoint one emotion, "...thinking."

"That explains it. That would take you a while," she chided still searching for any and all of his tells.

He pinched his lips together and nodded, "I let you have that dig."

"No, you walked head first into it."

"I guess, I'm out of practice. And you know what that means? I need to spend more time with my sparring partner. Verbal sparring that is. Or other," he rambled. He had been doing that quite a bit over the last two days as well. They both were playing a lovely game of deflection it seemed.

"Where were you thinking?"

"At home."

"Really? Because I phoned and you weren't at home. Alexis didn't even know where you were."

"Thanks for that, by the way. Got a nice lecture on 'always phoning' from my daughter."

"There was quite the gap between when you left and when you got here."

"I was at home, then I came to the hospital. I just...needed to walk and then I just...sat for a while. A long while. It was just a stupid mistake on my part."

Why did she feel that it was a lie? He wouldn't lie to her like this. Would he? Roy did, daily. But Castle was not Roy. Any excuse to keep him at arms length, to keep him from getting close seemed to be mounting against him, whether it was warranted or not.

"Next time, don't turn off your phone."

"Is that an order?"

"Consider it a life sentence."

"Do I get conjugal visits?"

She actually laughed and his face lit up in appreciation of the robust sound.

"So...you want to test it cheek to cheek and make sure I'm not...what did you call it? Prickly?" Castle ran his hand over his face.

"I'm good."

He grinned making his way over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Kate called after him.

"To get this." He pulled the most offensive object through the door. She had been rolled into this hospital and she really did not want to be rolled out of it.

"What is that?"

"Your chariot."

"No."

"Hospital Policy."

"There is no way in hell you are rolling me out in that."

"Oh, come on. I never get to push you around!"

"That's how I like it."

"I'll pop a few wheelies and make car noises."

She crossed her arms.

"I will get Karen. You know which side she'll take."

Kate did know. She just had the slide show to prove it.

"Castle," she groaned in frustration.

"It is either this or I'll sweep you off your feet and carry you out. All the nurses would cheer."

Kate huffed, grabbed her coat, the picture and sat in the chair. Castle slung her duffel over his shoulder.

"See? Was that so hard?"

Both Castle and Kate gave the room one last look before leaving. Castle rolled her down the hallway, through the waiting room where more families were waiting to hear about their loved ones. They were almost at the elevator when she heard it.

"Vroom-vroom."

Maybe if she ignored him he would stop.

"Vroom-Vroom! Vroom-vroom!"

No, ignoring him only made him louder. "Castle!"

He tipped the wheel chair back and she gripped the arms in shock and looked up at him, fuming. "You want train noises instead?"

Rick put her down as they entered the elevator. His boyish grin had been her down fall yet again. Kate brought her hand to her mouth to stop herself from smiling as he started to make train noises. He stopped when they made it to the lobby. Karen held her hand up to wait for her, as she talked to a couple of the nursing staff.

"She's going to run a tight ship," Castle said.

"A murder free one, hopefully," Kate responded, as she looked outside in longing.

"You want to wait for her out there?"

"Um..." She did more than anything. She wasn't worried that she would be shot; she knew that whomever ordered her mother's murder had also given her a reprieve. Kate was concerned for other reasons. Photo-op reasons.

"Don't worry. I've taken care of it. No one is out there waiting for us." His tone suggested he meant something other than photographers.

"How did you manage that?"

"I have my ways," he said mysteriously. He pushed her through the doors until they were both greeted by the evening sun. A light breeze of freedom picked up her hair as she got out of the wheel chair. Kate tried taking a deep breath. Her diaphragm and lungs weren't used to this sort of excitement or fresh air. It was a start. She felt, for the first time, that she could recover from this.

Kate turned to look at him, the rays of light giving her form a silhouette. His reaction was one she had seen many times and she found she wanted to cling to it a little more than usual.

He stepped towards her, "I hope you are hungry."

Kate closed her eyes and inwardly cringed. Dinner at the loft. She had forgotten all about it. It was only going to get worse the more she let him stay.

"About dinner, I know you have something huge planned, but I think I should just take a cab home. Lanie and my dad said they would take turns checking on me."

"What about me?"

"You have a home."

"I do, but who will read you a bedtime story? Who is going to serve you breakfast in bed?"

"I'll read on my own and make my own breakfast."

"I would wear nothing but an apron," he said, enticingly.

She did have this blue apron that would bring out his eyes.

"Hah! you were totally thinking about it!"

Her eyes darted to the side, "N-no. I wasn't."

"Blush, my dear detective, never lies."

"I'm just getting my color back." The look in his eyes suggested that he was just getting started. He wasn't letting this go. He wasn't letting her go without a fight.

"Why don't you just admit it?" he asked.

"Admit what?"

He leaned closer. The shadows from the leaves scattered across his features, making him dangerous and tempting all at once. "That you, Katherine Beckett, liked sharing a room with me, just as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you."

"That's debatable."

"You enjoyed waking up with me next to you," he raised his voice causing a few people to give them odd looks.

"Keep your voice down!" she hissed.

"I will if you just admit it."

"There's something seriously wrong with you!" she stated through clenched teeth.

"So wrong, it's right. Come on...say it." His voice was getting stronger.

"Fine. I'll say it. You have no respect for my privacy, whatsoever."

Guilt ran across his features, and she was just about to take it back until he masked it with a smile, "Very true. I'm working on that. Sort of. What else you got?" he challenged.

"You flip through channels like it's a race, hog the remote, have a running commentary through everything and you snore."

"So do you and you drool. Karen is giving me proof."

"I-I do not snore," she stated, aghast.

"Don't worry, I find it sexy."

"I don't want you to find it _anything." _

"Too late. You're still not saying it." His voice was going up an octave.

She sighed, "Your presence was tolerable," she mumbled.

"What was that?" he put his hand up to his ear, "Tolerable, you say?"

"It's not like I was picking daisy petals over you."

He took a deep breath to yell something when she clamped her hand over his mouth. "I liked having you there. Alright? Happy?" She took her hand away.

An annoyingly triumphant grinned followed, "That's all I needed to hear. Now about me staying over..."

She was never going to get rid of him. "I don't have a guest room."

"Couch is fine."

"I already told you my dad and then Lanie are going to be-"

"We're..." he paused, choosing his words carefully, "we're friends, right?"

Sure, that and about a whole host of other things that she was supposed to be walling up once again.

"Friends help each other out," he continued.

"I think that it's for the best that I just go home. Sleep and recover."

They stared at each other for a moment before he conceded, "If that's what you want," he pushed her hair over her shoulder and trailed his hand down her arm, "Then I will just drive you home."

That was easy, "Thank...you."

He smiled and she caught that devilish glint in his blue eye. Oh, that's why it was easy.

"You moved the entire dinner to my place, didn't you?"

Castle smiled brilliantly, "Isn't it great that I know you so well?"

No. It wasn't great. It was romantic, sweet, and he made everything ten times more difficult.

"So it will just be us?" She asked, trying to hide her nervousness.

"We have been alone for almost two weeks and we didn't manage to kill each other."

"It was touch and go there for a while."

"I know. That kiss almost killed us both."

She looked away from him, trying to get a hold on this conversation. Why was this so God-damned hard? She had been pushing him away for years and now. She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes and suppressed a groan. Did he have to smile like that?

He stepped toward her and took her hands into his. Eventually she looked at him, "Kate, if you want it to be just dinner, it will be just dinner. Nothing more."

Just dinner? It was never going to be just dinner between them. That familiar feeling she rarely let her self feel came in an upswing. It was fragmentary though. This known apogee between them had moved from something cosmic to something chosen. When it would turn to something kismet, she didn't know anymore. Maybe they weren't meant to know just yet.

"That's what I...that's what I want."

"At least you sound convinced," he quipped before Karen started walking towards them. He quickly added, "Oh and I forgot to mention we won't be alone."

"What? Why didn't you just say that?"

He shrugged, "I told you. Sparring practice."

One night. She could handle one night and then she would put a plan in motion. "Who exactly is coming over to my apartment?"

"Everyone."

"Everyone?"

"I read somewhere that people heal faster when they are surrounded by a support system."

Kate didn't know what was worse, being alone with him, or being in a room with people who wanted them together. She also hadn't been there it two weeks, and it was probably a disaster, not to mention her mother's case was still on her shutters.

"Don't worry. While you relax, I get everything ready for dinner. Unless you want to come to my place as originally planned?"

"No...my place is fine." It would be easier to kick him out of her place than trying to leave his place.

"Oh, let me capture this moment," Karen interrupted them, holding up her phone, "Come on, get down in there Mr. Castle."

Castle did as he was ordered, giving Kate a quick peck on the cheek. Karen snapped the photo, grinning from ear to ear.

"Can I go now?" Kate asked, already feeling exhausted.

"Yes. Go. Fly out of the nest, my little fledgling."

"You're becoming as dramatic as Castle."

"That is very high praise and you can send me that one as well," Castle stated.

"Now...I don't want to see either of you in here unless it is to invite me to the wedding or...if you want to jump the gun...I will be on the mat ward lickety-split if need be."

Kate groaned and Castle beamed. Both blushed.

"Glad we are all on the same page. Now sign this and you are free to go." Kate signed her discharge papers with a swift hand, "Stay un-shot, okay?" Karen said with a wink before turning towards the hospital.

"Wait! Karen, where are my insurance forms? I need to fill those out before I leave."

Karen reached underneath the chart for the papers. "Here you go," Karen handed them over to Kate. Then she looked at Castle and mouthed 'I'm sorry' before scurrying back into the hospital.

As Kate read, she felt her anger rise. She looked up and found that Castle was backing away. She reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Ah, looks like you're getting your strength back," he said looking at her strong hold on his arm.

"Why does this say that it has been paid? By you?"

"How do you know it was me?"

She showed him his signature.

"That's some good detective work, but I'm sure there are many Richard Castles in the world."

"You can't do this for me."

"Can and did. If you want though, you can yell at me all the way to dinner, how's that?"

"I'm paying you back."

"That will be entertaining, since I have no intention of accepting it."

"Unbelievable!" She started walking across the quad, "You're unbelievable."

"And adorable, charming, charismatic and-"

"This isn't over."

"No, you're right," his voice poured over her like hot lemon and honey before he added quietly, "This isn't over, not by a long shot."

Kate looked over at him and saw he was looking down the path to the side of the building, as if waiting for something to happen. He protectively moved closer to her and they fell back into arguing with one another. The hospital soon faded behind them as the sparrows of the quad ascended toward the sky.

The End.

* * *

><p>That's all she wrote. Literally. I don't have a word left to spare ;) This story has been a hodgepodge experience for me. It has given me an opportunity to 'meet' some truly wonderful people, explore these <em>Castle<em> characters and to challenge myself. It also has uprooted a lot of mistakes/problems in my writing, which I am going to assess immediately.

I know I promised a sequel; however, I am worried I may not have enough time write it. I don't want to have too long of wait between chapters so, I will promise to try my best. I think/hope I can find a compromise. If it doesn't happen then I think this story ended in a decent enough manner. I would suggest putting me on author alert just in case :)

I would, of course, appreciate any _feedback_ you are willing to give. I would honestly love to hear your thoughts.

I will just end this Author's note with a hearty and sincere THANK YOU to all the people who have reviewed, read, alerted or favored this story. You have my gratitude for your kindness and I am grateful I was able to share my work with you. Until next we meet.

Cheers,

Rini :D


End file.
